BPD ex gf

[eagle755]

Hey everyone. I'd like to share my story of my BPD ex, who I didn't figure out was BPD til recently.

I'm 22, she was 19. We met working together. Hit it off quick. She was so very into me. Clingy, and assertive with her emotions very early on and it stayed like that for months. Deep down I could feel something was off about her, but I stuck with it because of how she made me feel. But that's how it goes with them, they make you feel invincible, then they tear you apart.

Back to it, we had a great relationship for about 8 months, then suddenly we started getting in the most heated fights. This lasted for a couple months, a bunch of highs and lows. We moved in together, and we still had the highs and lows but the lows got significantly worse. Then finally she broke up with me because I had stopped paying attention to her. We were pretty much still together, and still lived together, did everything a bf, gf do. But a month later, I catch her at another guy's house. Come to find out she slept with him twice during our break up. Took her hours to admit it. After she did, I went and got myself rebound sex out of pure anger and sadness, and told her about it, all she could say was "I deserve it"

Next day I packed my stuff and left, she begged and begged me to stay. For a week she actually tried her hardest to keep me. Finally, I gave in and wanted to talk things out. But then I come to find out she had kept talking to the guy, while begging me to stay with her. I for some reason over looked it. Then as time went by, she started to not give a crap about me even more. She would say things like "I love you and I want to be with you forever" etc. But her actions showed otherwise, even though she was already on thin ice with me, she started talking to guys behind my back, lying an incredible amount more, hiding so much stuff, and that went on for about a month.

She ended up moving across the country to her old bosses house, who offered her a job up in Ohio(he's young but she says he's gay,Idk) She said she left because she wanted to fix herself, then try to come back in a year from now, and start things over with me, after getting treatment and everything as well.

Its been about two weeks of her being in Ohio, at first she kept with the "I'll never get over you, I love you and I wanna be with you forever" stuff. But now she doesn't even bother replying to me, she says she's always sleeping because she can't stand being awake anymore. Now she just says things like "I'm a ___ty person" "I don't deserve to be in your life" "its better if you moved on" "I want you but I'll only hurt you"

She's gone through all the typical BPD stuff, and now she's at that stage where she resents the crap out of me I'm guessing.

I just feel like she really was different, like I just don't understand any of it. She was single for a year before we dated, its not like she has issues being alone. She seemed incredibly loyal, and I'm grasping on to the promises she made still. Plus, I've never heard of a BPD person actually seeking help and wanting to fix themselves to be with someone? They always seem to just blame their partner, which she hasn't done once

I just don't know what to think or do anymore

[AwakenedOne]

"I don't deserve to be in your life"

Hi Eagle,

Welcome. My ex said those words to me also. She was actually telling me the truth though unfortunately. Almost everything else out of her mouth was a lie. I told her that she is good and I loved her though still when she said that to me. She eventually threw me in the garbage and left anyway. The reason I tell you this is my kind advice to you is ask yourself does she really deserve to be in your life?

Peace,

AO

[eagle755]

What hurts the most is knowing how they see you now. We aren't the hero anymore, and it hurts.

She still says that I'm "the greatest" etc. But I know it's not true

I mean sure, I am the greatest. And I'm sure I'm a huge loss even for a BPD person.

I've read all the BPD stories, I already know how this ends, it just hurts so much.

Knowing all that you've been through with that person was just a lie.

I've also heard it isn't normal for a BPD person to admit that there's something wrong with them, but she has. She's said things like "why am I so f'd up" "I'm so stupid, I hate myself" "I want to get better and be better" "I hate myself for hurting you"

A lot of things like that. Before she moved to Ohio a month ago, we saw each other a couple times. She cried a few times, from seeing me, and started to say it hurt too much to look at me.

I'm also curious, if maybe she just misses the mind-blowing sex. Is that possible? I've asked her if that's the real reason she missed me. She responded "that's actually partially why... but I miss you because I love you"

This stuff has me going crazy

[AwakenedOne]

What hurts the most is knowing how they see you now. We aren't the hero anymore, and it hurts.

Yeah it was nice hearing that we are the greatest. I was called her prince on a horse and all that other stuff etc... .I think it's closer in reality that we are great and they just add the {est} on to everything. When they say we are no good at the end or don't have us on a pedestal any more, we should just balance it all out. Like after we do the math we are good people involved with someone with a mental disorder and it just isn't meant to be. From reading your post I get the sense you know you are good person. From what I understand about BPD they feel more shame than actually ever being sorry for their actions. If, they really cared about us in a normal way they'd get help and not move away and abandon us right?

This article is very helpful to understanding things, you might check it out when you get a moment.

https://bpdfamily.com/content/surviving-break-when-your-partner-has-borderline-personality

[eagle755]

You're absolutely right. She wasn't diagnosed with BPD, she was diagnosed with depression when she was younger, and stopped taking her medicine half way through the relationship. But after reading everything about BPD, it's impossible for it not to be what she has. If she went to a doctor, they would probably diagnose her with it.

It does really suck not having someone praise the ground you walk on. I really do know that I'm amazing in every way though. That's probably why she held on so long. God they're so parasitic. The moment you show that you're imperfect even the slightest, they start hating you, without showing it. Then they find a new host to mess with.

I don't understand this one though, how can she be so against having sex, seem so loyal, and innocent our whole relationship, then slip into bed with a guy she barely knows, after 5 minutes of kissing. The dude is disgustingly ugly, I'm literally 50x the man he is by far. I actually dated a girl that he dated, and she told me hilarious stories about his failures in bed and as a person. Like, she probably just felt so embarrassed for downgrading so ridiculously hard that she couldn't even process it.

This all just makes me so angry. Its been two months, I've been with multiple people since then, and I still get so aggravated about it, just whyyyyy

[NorthLight]

Now i have read your story as you read mine, and i feel your pain. You said my story was similar with yours, and i even see more similar things now as i read yours.

My ex was also diagnosed with depression and went on meds for a while. But that was the focus, i never knew about BPD before after she broke up. But when i read about it, my hearth stopped for a second, because it was like reading EVERYTHING i knew about her/us, in a f*ing article about BPD persons / romantic relationship with BPD.

We too suddenly had brutal fights several times a week, between all the days with so intense love, and you know, the whole soulmate / saver / shining knight. Ups and downs all the time... .

I also really understand what you mean with her saying one thing, but having totally different actions. She uses powerful words of love to give you hope and try to make you stay, coz BPD are afraid of abandonment. But their actions show who they truly are / what they care about (themselves)

I wish you all good luck my friend, you are not alone, its sick, but this romantic relationships with a BPD is not as special and unique, and soulmate-bs that we thought while we were in them - its an unhealthy relationship they creates - and it comes from a personality sickness they don't know they have, and that we can't fix.

But its hard to get over, to give up the dream and safety of having her no matter what, and how intense the love was and how special we felt.

peace