If it was not for my T and all the work I have done with him, I would probably still be with my ex and still be believing that I'm a loser and cannot do any better.
My T specializes in ISTDP -intensive short-term dynamic psychotherapy. I've been to many counselors over the years. This approach has been the only one that has made a lasting dent with me and helped me to work through all of my emotions and such.
that's great! I will ask mine if she's heard of this therapy. I'm gonna show her this board and maybe my posts so she gets the extent of my emotional pain and how much support this board has been for me. I feel like I've made no progress in 4 months of NC despite learning a lot here. I'm excited to share with her and get her feedback on methods to help myself. I should have been going this whole time but I've only been to see her a few times this year. I need this!
Promises, good for you for realizing that you need to see your t and that there is work yet to be done. I would not exactly say I found it a frustration but I will share that I was trying so hard to " figure it all out" in therapy that I was not focusing on me. I kept asking about him. About BPD. If he really ever cared about me. How could he be with someone else so quickly. How could he forget me. Why? All those ruminations. I think I was hoping that some hidden answer would be obtained that would make it all ok. Something I could attach and hang hope to.
And my t would help with some of the d/o answers I needed. But would bring the focus back to me. Me? Why do we have to talk about me? I'm not the one with the issue. And I need answers about HIM. Not me. But you know, therapy is about anyone else but you. So, I am thankful for what my t helped me see and truly own that.
One thing she said to me in response to my expression of the immense and constant hurt of the devaluations was this. "Where else have you felt that way before?" Well, no where to the degree I did from this BPD interaction, but... .I did focus on that question and recognizing where I felt devalued in the past. And there is where the healing began. You see, its not about them anymore. Its about us now. Its about you now.
So, we all have our own reasons somewhere inside as to why we stayed in this r/s when we knew we were being mistreated. And none the reasons we were being mistreated. Had anything to do with us. As we well know by now, its the trigger we were to someone who was traumatized long before we came along. There was nothing we could have done to change the outcome. If there were, this site would not exist. Nothing. Focusing on that helped me. It also helped me to know that the love was indeed so genuine that it caused the trigger. We all know this by now. If we were emotionally distant and domineering and detached. There would be little triggering. Because thats not intimacy. We were love. This helps me to heal and to empathize. To understand that which the heart cannot.
We are people of value. We were from the day we were born. So, this is a time now to rewind our lives a bit. Reflect. Be mindful. And rewrite your story going forward. And if there is a benefit in the pain of the BPD r/s that was endured. Thats it for me. I hope it may be for you as well.
