Back to square one...

[newc1992]

Today is probably the worst day I have has in quite some time regarding my ex girlfriend. I attended my university graduation ceremony yesterday on what should have been (and was, all in all) a wonderful occasion. However, shortly before leaving my university campus, I saw her with her family and one of her friends from her course. Now I can't stop thinking about her. I honestly didn't expect her to attend her graduation ceremony, let alone see her there, and I just wasn't prepared for such an eventuality. What's more, she looked beautiful. Curled blonde hair, lovely floral dress and high heels. She looked very smiley too. I have already been on her Facebook today (I am blocked but my brother and her remain "friends", and seen all of her lovely photos and best wishes from her friends and family. One guy has even wrote a personal message congratulating her on graduating, to which she has replied "Thankyou! X". All in all seeing her, and seeing her look so happy has hit me hard. I thought she was depressed. She is usually miserable. But she seems to be so happy with her life, as I was up until this weekend.

I have already drafted out a message which I intend to send to her letting her know that I saw her, and congratulating her on graduating. But if she doesn't reply then I don't know how I will react. I think she has already attempted to contact me in her own way, by sending my close friend a private message via Facebook 5 weeks ago, where she told him that she was leaving the city in the near future and wishing him all the best. He didn't reply, and I remained strong. But many people who know her well have told me that this message was an attempt by her to get to me as she knew that my friend would tell me about the message and this would have an effect on my recovery.

I just don't know why I am feeling like this. We broke up 7 months ago. She has already cut me out of her life and told me that she can never forgive me for my wrongdoings. Any attempts at contact by myself (there have been two, the last being on her 21st birthday in March) have been met with no response. I don't even know if I want her back. I really don't think I do. I just don't know what to feel anymore. And I am probably going to contact her to find out.

[Karmachameleon]

I really don't think anything good can come from contacting her.  Be strong and listen to the advice here.  If you tried to contact her before and she didn't respond just let it go.  Don't let her see you as desperate.  Anyone can act happy at an event, but she is surely the same person.  When I am tempted to contact my ex I just imagine the meanest things he said to me and think that he is hating me and the pain I would feel to call and hear that again.  And I would never want to give him the satisfaction of viewing me as pathetic.  She needs to sit and wonder if you are happy and have moved on, not the other way around.

[newc1992]

That's for your reply karma. I do agree with you as I genuinely don't think that she will reply to my contact, since she has extremely narcissistic tendencies. What's more annoying, is that I have remained strong when she has attempted to break NC in the past and have not made any contact with her in months. Yet today I feel weak. I think yesterday triggered me and has made all of the emotions come flooding back. I know that she is probably still the same person, yet I continuously tell myself that she is happy and that she has changed in the 7 months since we broke up. But that does beg the question I suppose: if she was so content with her life, then why is she attempting to get me to contact her again. She should have moved on sufficiently enough that she no longer even thinks of me. Or my friends for that matter. But her message to my friend 5 weeks ago does seem to suggest otherwise. Hopefully I can regain my strength in the coming days and refrain from contacting her. After all, as you have said, it should be her wondering whether I've moved on or not. I don't want to appear clingy. I'm sure she thinks I haven't moved on regardless, but we shall see.

[Mr Hollande]

Smoke and mirrors, chief. That's all it is. Your role in the game is to deflect her attempts by showing indifference. Not always easy due to the emotions involved but at the same token it's simple because all you have to do is do and say nothing. That's what will wear her down eventually.

Stay strong and good luck!

[NorthLight]

Stay strong man. Ask yourself, what happened last time, and how did it make you feel ... .How did it feel to be rejected back then? It will feel just as bad now.

She will most likely reject you this time too man. So why go through that pain again? Try to forget her, and don't make contact as she has been doing to you.

You are stronger than her, but you "feed" her your energy by contacting her, so you "loose" a little bit of your self and she gain stronger. Keep that energy and attention on yourself, so you can feed yourself and end up as the happy one and take care of yourself

[Feralnerd]

Joining in the consensus here: do not reach out to her.

Remember how relentlessly she pursued you during the idealization phase? She knows how to get in touch with you. She'll do it if it suits her.

But think about what suits you. Does fixating on what she is doing, where she might be moving to, how beautiful she looked, and giving her your continued kindness really do you any favors? No! It's sending the message that there is literally nothing she can do to you, no degree of abandonment or splitting that you won't accept. Even if some part of you secretly wants her back, contacting her would work counter to you.

Take a deep breath and ask yourself why you aren't letting go. She left your side, she doesn't deserve to be carried in your heart anymore.