what i learned... the hard way.. and the current status

[thesculptor]

I need up at last breaking up with her.

After she called the cops on me 2x. after just so many names being called to me...

why o why? ... .? why did i stay in it that long? why do i still care about her?

well to be honest... i now believe that this person was attracted into my life by my own issues.

i have discovered my addictions to intensity. i am known as what is ... called

a adaptive adolescent, and her, well shes sort of both... mainly wounded child.

things got bad... at the end now... i am working with a life coach.

i havent spoken to her in person in over a week. which may not seem like much... but prior to that it was 2 weeks, and we've had 2 week splits over and now...

I finally have the highest sense of peace that i have had in a long time.

how did i get it... I started meditating. I connected with a group of great supportive business associates that are giving me great insight on how to be a better person.

she text me today a picture of a ring i gave her, ... .i simply text back a emoji con of a church... .and that is a lot of progress for me. ... see... in the past... that would have stirred so much emanation in me...

thats the thing... i just want my emotions back. i want to be in control of my ups and downs again... i lost that being with her. i started feeling her ups and downs. and i started caring about her to much... my happiness and joy revolving to much around her...

so my biggest mistake was not being a whole person, and falling for someone who also was not a whole person.

I wish her no harm. i care for her... .but as far as boyfriend girlfriend, marriage, i have to come to grips that this is and may not be the one. for now its in Gods hands, if he wishes to try and save this... he may ... but i am trying to get closer to God, that is my main goal., and objective right now...

no drinking, no new girl, none of that. just healing... .and focusing on God and my career.

from all of the training I've been receiving from my new friends, Ill share this. .

wounds, dont go away, but they can heal, and they can become a resource. I'm sure many of you reading this, have wounds, and some of those wounds are the wounds you have created yourself, in retaliating against someone with BPD, i know i said mean things back at times. ...

I dont know I went through this. All i know is it has humbled me and brought me closer to God, and thats a good place to be anyhow... so ... .something good has come from this... and I think even she is open to the idea of getting closer to God, in the end... .i feel only he will be able to heal us all...

cuz we can point the finger to them them them... .

but in all honesty... .we all have some issues to deal with...

it could be watching porn, drinking, we are self having doubt of our ability, or a negative self image.

its not all them...

I'm just trying to be real here.

-the sculptor

[LettingGo14]

things got bad... at the end now... i am working with a life coach.

Thank you for your share, thesculptor.   We all share so many similarities in our stories.   Curious as to some of the things you are working on with your life coach.  Anything of note you would feel comfortable sharing?

[thesculptor]

Sure ill be happy to share.

My life coach just heard me talk about my goals.

and then hit just emailed me back a paper to fill out. Its more about a accountability, and i can reach out and ask advice and a question.

i have 3 goals.

1. Meditation. <---- this has been the biggest help. I am working on inner peace, inner joy, inner love. And most of all connection to God. The place i got my lessons from on meditation from are Self Realization Fellowship. (these are powerful lessons, about building and understanding ones relationship with God, oneself, and with others. ) it is about Realizing oneself.

2. Career goal: I am looking to pick up and take my career to the next level. For all of my adult 20's I've been in a relationship. its time to build a relationship with myself. as corny as that may sound, its the strongest truth i can come up with. it doesn't mean dont have friends. on the contrary, it means, respect and honor your friends more, it means know when to say by and retract to your inner peace and home. vs. ... always staying up till 2 am 4 am drinking example. i know not everyone does that... just saying...

3. new relationship: on this one my life coach asked me to identity a girl that may be 4 x better for me... i wrote down what i think that may be. meditation, fitness, and career support where there. as well. as ... just not being negative.

my x girlfriend is at lady gaga concert tonight in houston. .im happy for her. I have her on spotify  and see her listening to lady gaga. this little connection to her... is plenty. its like... .a omniscient, innocent update from her. we are not friends anywhere else. like Facebook, twitter etc, i dont see her public snap chats... i just occasionally see a song she listens to ...

Im in a better place, the meditation has helped. a lot. can't stress that enough. now to pick up the speed in my career. with Gods help, i know things are going to get better.

Do I think we will get back together? ... . more no than yes... I am scheduled to talk to her august 26th... when that day comes, I'm going to tell her, i just want to heal... and i want her to heal... i think thats a good place to start. i have no day dreams about getting back with her... my dreams are only on healing.

-sculptor