Rescuers as Narcissists

[Reforming]

Hi all,

I've been reading about narcissism recently and exploring the part it may have played in my compulsion to try and rescue or manipulate my UDBPDEXGF.

And while I'm not suggesting that I fit the criteria for full blown narcissism  (I realise  that there's a broad spectrum) I can definitely see that I have quite a number of traits that fit the bill.

Then, last night I had this very intense and disturbingly satisfying dream that I had been told that I was actually the king of my (small) country.

I'm laughing as I write this   but it was a bizarrely pleasant dream.

Dear me  I clearly have some work to do  

Reforming (very slowly on his imaginary throne)

[PrettyPlease]

Dear me  I clearly have some work to do  

Hmm... .Interesting post. Funny yes, but also thought-provoking (for me at least). I know I have N traits (though I don't know if they're the same ones you have), and have often functioned as a rescuer. And I think it's valuable to look carefully at that connection.

But then I remind myself that each of us is alone here, and survival takes a good measure of 'selfish' behavior, just in the physical sense (breathing, keeping warm, eating, satisfying the powers that be, satisfying our sexual drives). This can be mistaken for narcissism... .--or we can even call it narcissism, but it's a healthy narcissism. It has to be well out-of-whack before it interferes in our ability to carry on our lives, and becomes a PD.

And who's to say that someone with a healthy narcissism couldn't have a dream about being king? —In a small country, after all?    

PP

[Reforming]

Hi Prettyplease  

I laughed out loud at myself   but I also realised that I'd had an real insight into my tendencies  

I recognise that I certainly have narcissistic traits. I know there's a broad spectrum and a certain amount of narcism can be healthy depending on the context.

But even if I'm not a full blown narcissist - and I don't believe I am - I can see traits from that spectrum that are definitely unhealthy  

My desire to control others -  

My thirst for idealisation  

My deep discomfort with my real self  

And a tendency towards grandiosity and feeling I'm special   I believed that I had the power and the right to fix people  

I've stuck the last two together to avoid having five which might quality me as being NPD  

It is a small country with a very bad government. Could I be any worse than what's there?    

I told the story to my sister yesterday.

She laughed and then told me that apparently our family is descended from one of the last kings  

But I'm happy to surrender any royal ambitions to be really healthy and happy  

It was a bloody nice dream though  

Reforming (slowly after abdicating from his throne)

[Skip]

But even if I'm not a full blown narcissist... .

It's really good to see members tackling this question... .  We certainly have members with a range of narcissistic traits.

Forget about this idea of "full blown".  It's a meaningless concept for an individual doing a personal inventory.  Even if you were severe and went to see a psychiatrist, he wouldn't likely tell you that its "full blown" as you've already indicated an anxiety over it.

The DSM 5.0 names these disorders so that treatment experience can be pulled off the shelf and applied.  And the treatment for traits and clinical levels are essentially the same.

Don't have anxiety over this.  If the shoe fits, embrace it.  Identifying the problem is halfway to the cure.

Those that embrace their reality are the ones that make change.

[Reforming]

Hi Skip 

I felt weirdly relieved when I began to recognise my own tendencies / traits.

I'm trying to work on my own reality testing, acknowledge who I am and work to change it.

Thanks for your support. It really helps

[Aussie JJ]

I can relate to alot of this, having N traits.  I don't think I am full blown so to speak however I have some things of me that I am really learning as I go through all of the lessons on here and look at my patterns in life. 

For me, below I have these traits.  They dont take over everything apart from one. 

The one that stands out is a NPD trait if knowing I'm special.  I cant explain it in its entirety, sense of entitlement isn't accurate as entitlement is you want without work and I don't have that.  I always have known that I am not going to be satisfied without furthering myself.  Without learning and acheiving my goals in life.  I haven't fully explored this yet however I think my knowledge that I am better than what I am doing or where I am at has driven me to improve myself and my situation through hard work.  I don't think this is entitlement as I have always worked for those things never expected to get them for free.  As I said, I am trying to learn about this more as I'm unsure of its bredth or influence in my life yet.  I know it is prevalent. 

(HPD)  Easily influenced by others. 

(HPD)  Consider relationships to be more intimate than they are

(BPD)  Abandonment, this has only happened because of the exBPDgf.  Its very recent. 

(NPD)  Envy of others

(NPD)  I know  I'm special!  (Prevalent)

(ASPD) irritability / aggressive.  This is only recent that started in BPD relationship.  I think it has bee  a copping mechanism, part of stress/depression. 

It sort of does worry me when I identify these things and then it makes me try and diagnose myself again so I can say I have XYZ problem.  Sounds horrible but I still want to identify a problem so I can fix it... .

That is very prevalent and my P says I don't have many faults and laughs at me about this.