she wins, again

[Vexed]

Just when I feel like I've accepted the breakup and the fact were not getting back together she starts sending me pictures of her and her kids.  As I dodge them the pics get more flirtatious culminating in a pic of her in her underwear.  So I ignore it also, and then she calls me.  Of course I pick up and she tells me half of her feels she made the wrong decision and the other half is so angry at me and she doesn't know why.  This results in me talking about my feelings her which is all she wanted. 

She made some comments about being not sure if she wants to continue dating her new fling.  Probably had an a argument with him that resolved since after her crying on the phone about how she still has feelings for me and wants to get back together I havnt heard from her since. 

She truly has zero respect for me or my feelings.  What I don't know is it because she needed attention or is she just trying to punish me?  All the other stuff she said during the talk really makes you think she cares, I don't know how they can say those things, it's so fake.

[Emelie Emelie]

I don't think she's trying to punish you Vex.  She more than likely does need attention.  I think with most pwBPD everything they think and do in the moment is real, in the moment.  They're processing whatever emotions they're feeling.  If they feel it, it's true.  So they're getting what they need in the moment.  Unfortunately they often do this without a care, or without understanding, how it affects those of us who love them.

[BacknthSaddle]

I would agree with Emelie here.  It may or may not help, but really I think the best way to think about this is the following.  She's not punishing you, because to want to punish you she'd have to care about YOUR feelings.  But she doesn't care about your feelings, she cares about hers, and you (all of us) are just a tool through which she copes with/defends against difficult or overwhelming emotions. Of course she doesn't view it that way; to her, this is what "love" or "longing" mean.  Just not what it means to you.  It's a sad way to live.