have you had your clothes evicted?

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Hi, after 4 weeks silent treatment after he chased me, drew out large sum of money and smashed glasses in the night which was scared. I felt non verbally kicked out of the bedroom four weeks ago and today found all my clothes etc dumped in the spare room I'm in. Clearly excessive push away, it's all my fault, although I'm not abandoning, he's the one acting out.

Has anyone else been evicted in this way and what happened next?

[Tyrwhitt]

Hi, after 4 weeks silent treatment after he chased me, drew out large sum of money and smashed glasses in the night which was scared. I felt non verbally kicked out of the bedroom four weeks ago and today found all my clothes etc dumped in the spare room I'm in. Clearly excessive push away, it's all my fault, although I'm not abandoning, he's the one acting out.

Has anyone else been evicted in this way and what happened next?

[Trent]

Has anyone else been evicted in this way and what happened next?

After a similar situation, the BPDexgf and I discussed my timeline for me moving out completely.  We agreed that a month's time should be reasonable, and left it at that.  Two days later, I came home to half my stuff in the driveway, and had to call the police to get the rest.

A impending departure may trigger abandonment fears in your partner, and a rage might ensue.  Please keep yourself protected.   

[LifeExperience]

I was booted out same day after an episode. Went from talking about moving to another city together in the morning, to breaking up, to moving out that night. Hey at least she packed all my stuff in garbage bags at midnight. Then as I'm loading up the last of it, she hugs me pleading for me not to go. AND staring out the front door window just balling. Two days later claimed she didn't want me to move out, that she was just mad. THEN WHY DID YOU PACK MY THINGS! The past two weeks she's been trying to get me to move back, saying I've been gone from home long enough. Yet she's barely even acknowledged what transpired.

Is it normal for a person with BPD to give up on R/s and want the other person gone immediately, to then believing the other person should come back and expect there to be open arms?

[Tyrwhitt]

I think that the complete lack of recognition or responsibility is a common thread. Never mind the message you on the receiving end gets, They feel angry, it's All your fault and you're going to abandon them anyway so they'll help you along.  Then weeks or months later, when the phase has calmed down, there's some inward regret that you're not there and attempts to 're engage when it's too late.

In my case, he pushed everyone else away, I'm last after 21 years of living the roller coaster.  When he came back last night, he sat in the kitchen away from me and then went to bed, no doubt content at his eviction notice.  From what you say of your experiences, a discussion is likely to be futile and possibly trigger worse.

I'm totally on the fence between leaving now and leaving in my time, when I've got a job sorted etc.  I'm tired of being controlled by his moods and being unable to control my destiny. My neighbour next door has offered to have me live there and I am tempted, even though close proximity may trigger, he's going to trigger anyway.  But I can only do this when I'm at the stage of no return. And that's getting closer with every rage and mood swing.

I did send a placatory text saying I was sorry he felt so angry with me and to talk when he's ready. It was an olive branch to give him a reaction that wasn't 'what do you think you're doing'.  I daresay he feels like he's totally in control, it's sad really.  I know I deserve better, after 20 years, my whole life is caught up in this and everything I've worked for invested where we are.

[Trent]

Is it normal for a person with BPD to give up on R/s and want the other person gone immediately, to then believing the other person should come back and expect there to be open arms?

Generally yes, from what I gather.  This is basically what happened in my case as well, though I'm not sure there was an expectation of "open arms" on her end.  Probably more of a hope than an expectation.  We got back together 7 weeks after the first incident after she offered a seemingly sincere apology.  However, I never moved back in, because I learned my lesson the first time.    Apparently I didn't learn that lesson thoroughly though, as I did get back with her, even after she threw me out on the street like trash.  Mea culpa.   

[Trent]

I daresay he feels like he's totally in control, it's sad really.  I know I deserve better, after 20 years, my whole life is caught up in this and everything I've worked for invested where we are.

Sorry Tyrwhitt 

[refusetosuccumb]

My ex is mad because I "didn't fight harder for him" and that I pulled back on the intimacy when he left me for another woman.

Good luck.

[Frankcostello]

I had my clothes evicted one night when she got angry at me.  She threw everything in trash bags and left it outside.  She didn't talk to me that night.  When I got back in the evening that night her friends were there acting like if I was some horrible monster.  Had no idea why.  I left that evening, took all my stuff and got a place for myself, I never moved back in with her.  I figured after all that time that we had been together she would just throw me out one night, it meant that she didn't really care about me as much as I thought, and looking back she was probably already shacking up with someone else and this was her way of hiding her shame. 

[Frankcostello]

By my previous post, when I said she, I meant my exBPDgf. 

[Frankcostello]

My ex is mad because I "didn't fight harder for him" and that I pulled back on the intimacy when he left me for another woman.

Good luck.

My exBPDgf also gave me the same BS about not fighting harder for her while she was already shacking up with another guy.  I'm like really?

[Tyrwhitt]

Thanks for sharing your experiences, it's an exhausting place to be.  I can't imagine that the BPD dishing out the eviction cares anything about the feelings of the recipient.  It's deserved in their mind.  After all wasn't it me who caused the anger, wasn't it me who is likely to abandon anyway.  Well, maybe there becomes a step too far!

[stove monkey]

My clothes have been thrown out in the driveway a few times over the 21 years we've been married. Bleach poured on them, my work clothes shredded, the works.

She even threw a bunch of valuable things (and invaluable things) into our pool one time which not only ruined the valuable items thrown into the pool but also cost a lot to replace some of the filter equipment that got screwed as a result. It never has work right since.

I had a police courtesy escort when I went to get some of my stuff needed and they both commented on how nuts she was, and this was days after the rage and she was in full victim mode at this point. Well, except when she said in front of the officers "I preyed for you to dye last night".

[LifeExperience]

I had my clothes evicted one night when she got angry at me.  She threw everything in trash bags and left it outside.  She didn't talk to me that night.  When I got back in the evening that night her friends were there acting like if I was some horrible monster.  Had no idea why.  I left that evening, took all my stuff and got a place for myself, I never moved back in with her.  I figured after all that time that we had been together she would just throw me out one night, it meant that she didn't really care about me as much as I thought, and looking back she was probably already shacking up with someone else and this was her way of hiding her shame. 

My thoughts exactly Frank! There was a ton of follow through with her actions of packing up my stuff, but also mix of guilt of doing it, as if she was doing it to protect me from herself. Since her new job, with new coworkers, she's been questioning our relationship more and more. A replacement lined up perhaps, who knows… just know being easily discarded during an emotional outburst showed how much she truly cared for us.


And Trent I'm treading lightly with warding off attempts to get back together. Still in LC at the moment, hoping for a slow burnout and eventually a replacement.

[refusetosuccumb]

Not my clothes, but my ex burned a few pics of me in my university days (when we first met).  No digital photos back then, so they are gone forever.