NPD and BPD can they be happy ?

[Aussie JJ]

OK... .

I have a friend who is 100 % NPD.  I accept this and just let it be, I value his insight at times and well end of the day he isn't that bad a person to socialise with.  3 failed marriages later and always onto the next 'victim'. 

Anyway, his new partner is BPD and then some, idolizes him and then some.  The first thing she noticed was his hands, he has such amazing hands.  He is my saviour I would be lost without him.  If not for him I wouldn't be able to get thru this. 

He stayed at his friends house when his last marriage broke down, ended up seducing her.  She got a divorce and they have instantly hooked up  they were going out behind the exH's back for 6 months ?  Anyway.  Now that I can see all of this, its so toxic, I can identify it and I look at all of the signs and signals and just am gobsmacked. 

Neither of them have awareness of their issues.  Should I just cut them out totally?  Eventually it will break down between them.  When she does one thing devaluing and it will set him off. 

What is the dynamic of these relationships.  I'm actually enjoying seeing the dynamic and sitting backed shocked that o have never been able to identify it before.  They 'feed' off each other its quite shocking. 

Soo many things that just aae amazing. 

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[heartandwhole]

Hey AussieJJ,

An NPD and BPD relationship can "work" in the sense that their needs complement each other, although, as you have seen, some might not call it a healthy relationship.  

We have an article about it here:

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=98299.0

Neither of them have awareness of their issues.  Should I just cut them out totally?  Eventually it will break down between them.  When she does one thing devaluing and it will set him off.

I'm interested in these questions you have, and why you are thinking of cutting them out of your life.  How close are you to them, and how is their relationship affecting you?

[Aussie JJ]

To be honest, I have identified people in my life that are NPD and BPD.  4 in total. 

I am scared by them.  I can see there patterns and I cant trust them at all.  I know its just feeding their needs at the expense of mine, am I enabling?  I have never had them help me when I have needed it the most.  I dont want that anymore, two I wont cut out as they are both BPD and I genuinly care about them as people. 

One's mother who is her enabler has just been diagnosed with cancer 12 months left to live.  She was trying to get her claws into me about 2 months agao and I almost went for it.  It would have been me repeating the same pattern.  Thing is, yes she has BPD, yes she has issues however I know that she deserves someone to be understanding.  I know she is a good person, she has never apart from with ex-partners gone out of her way to harm people etc etc.  Currently has 2 court cases going against ex's.  She is a lost child and I will support her. 

Another acknowledges she has BPD, went and got herself diagnosed with her partner.  I have known for 2 months? she only found out last week that I knew when having lunch with her and her GF.  I was using SET and validating and she picked up on it from the DBT group she is going to.  Asked me why I was talking like that and I explained with my ex what I was going through and I am trying to use the skills in everyday life.  She then broke down and told me about her issues and what she was going through.  Her partner then told her she got most of the supports, contacts for treatment centres through me and the BPD rages for about 30 seconds before laughing and did something amazing, she apologised and said thankyou in tears.  She then stopped and said she wasnt supposed to say sorry and I laughed with her.  Thing is She is acknowledging it. 

The NPD + BPD couple,I know both of them will never acknowledge their problems.  THE BPD wife is in the middle of a distortion campaign against her ex husband and using their 6 yo son, manufacturing evidence and reporting him to authorities.  I am sitting there and I just felt sick.  All I could do was try to say, is that going to make you feel happy?  She shutdown and I stopped at that point as it all came together and I went holly shizzen, it all clicked.  I am having that done to me and dont want to participate in it being done to someone else.  Even assosiate with that.