Can't get over

[Rollercoaster1]

I feel so stupid... After his call a couple of weeks ago, he told me he would unblock me on whatsapp and we'd talk later. Never did of course. His birthday is tomorrow and I sent him a package with a gift. I didn't do it to make him contact me, didn't sign it with my name or anything, but just to make him happy. Felt like it was the right thing to do two days ago, but now... I received an email that it couldn't be delivered yesterday, because he wasn't home. This morning I saw a picture of him wearing a necklace with the name of his new girlfriend (who he's known for just over a month and is at least 6-8 years older!). Writing this, I feel like a jealous ex, which I don't want to be.

I feel even more sorry for his other ex, who's pregnant with his 3th child, even though I know she is a difficult person and wasn't innocent in causing their problems.

Just had to vent...

[Rollercoaster1]

Yesterday he contacted me. Just a few messages via whatsapp (starting with 'how are you'... so random ) and then no response to me wishing him a happy birthday later.

Guess I'll just leave it like this and see if he wants more contact and what it is that he wants...

[amigo]

I feel your pain. He sounds like a big mess. Hang in there. Other than hearing from him. What makes you happy?

[Rollercoaster1]

Well... .I actually had a great weekend with friends and family, a wedding, couple of parties. I'm moving soon and am busy buying new furniture and I enjoy my work so much. So I do have a lot of things that make me happy, it's just that I was so used to sharing these things with him.

[amigo]

Great, seems like you have a lot going on. Once you let go of him, you will find someone new and healthy to share those things with.

[Rollercoaster1]

I know I Will... I just feel like I can't let go yet...

[amigo]

And I understand that too. Even after finding out last night that he physically abused his ex-wife, if he contacted me, I don't know if I would be strong enough to do the right thing. But sooner or later, it will happen. At some point we have to take responsibility for our own life and our own happiness.

Let's stay strong.

[e350]

Oh I hear you.  I am the same way. She has broken up with me 20 times but I always go back.  She does the same thing your guy does. Two weeks will go by and then I will get a text or email "How are you" and that's it.  It brings me right back to ground zero all over again. I've told her to stop and she doesn't.  I blocked her number and she got her daughter to call me.  I know now I have a co-dependency issue and was swallowed up in the idealization stage. It felt incredible.  But now I want a healthy relationship where I give and receive. 

[amigo]

Why? Why can't we get over this?

I know all the rational anwers on what I should do and how I should behave and yet, I am just not there yet.

It helps so much to share with you guys. Today is hard. I know I will hear from him, but I want to hear from him now! It's like I am the 2 year old, not him, for a change. I just want to get it over with. Still I know another engagement is useless, unhealthy and will not make it be over, just cause more pain.

I wish you all luck in staying strong.

[Rollercoaster1]

Yeah I know, I want a healthy relationship as well, but at the same time... I want to be with him again. And when I think rationally, I know I can't have a healthy relationship with him. But my heart and feelings don't correspond with my head. 

I am really sure that I'm what is best for him, but he lifts me up so high and then I fall down again. He really makes me feel like an addict, or as you said, like a 2 year old. Yes, it really helps talking to people who understand. Friends always tell me I'm too good for him and I should forget him. Doesn't help

Why do they contact us? Is it just to see if we still care or do they want something?

[amigo]

I think both. They want to know that we are still there for them, like we have always been. And they probably want something more concrete too.

In my case I am guessing he wants a nice dinner out, sex and me telling him how much I missed him and all the other reassurances I have been giving him for so long.

My friends tell me exactly the same thing: I am too good for him and I should forget him. And you know what, it's true, and I believe it too, and still I just can't let go. Well, you know the drill... .

But the bottom line is, at some point we have to do as our friends say. If we don't, we have no one else to blame, but ourselves for our demise. We can only hold the pwBPD responsible for a limited time, because if we continue to dance with them, we are just as guilty of bad behavior as they are.

BUT, I know, it is so incredibly hard!

[Rollercoaster1]

Hmm... Yeah he'll probably want something like that too. But then again, he has his current girlfriend.

Yeah it is true! I consider myself a smart woman, except when it comes down to him haha.

Guess what... tonight he called. I missed the call but he send me a message saying 'ey' 

I replied with 'hi' a little later... .now no response again. Seriously, MAKE UP YOUR MIND!

[amigo]

"ey" -that sounds about right.

I think since you only responded with "hi", he felt maybe you weren't ready to get on board and felt it wasn't worth the effort to try to convince you.

Current girlfriend may be busy right this minute and if you were more enthusiastic it might have been worth a detour for him, why not. But since you are not all in the clouds over a simple "ey" he won't try any harder and will just wait for current girlfriend, who is maybe just at work etc.

That's how I would have thought about my ex's lack of response anyway.

I ready something very cool on this site before once. A woman saying, everytime her BPDex would send her a text just saying "HEY" she would imaging the rest being something like "Hey, I am still the same a... hole, loser that I was before and I still just want to use you and then leave again... ." That made me laugh and helps me stay strong when I get those stupid "howdy" texts out of nowhere.

[Rollercoaster1]

Late reply, but I've been on a vacation, which was great

After my reaction with 'hi', he called me the next day. All good like nothing had happened of course, but that was fine because I was in such a happy mood after finalizing everything for my new home. During my vacation we've talked/texted a couple of times. One minute he would ask me why I didn't take him with me on my vacation (told him that he could have been there if he had played his cards right ), the next he would tell me he is going on a vacation with his new girlfriend next month.

So we last talked a week ago, but now I tried calling him yesterday and his phone is off. Whatsapps 'last-seen' tells me he hasn't been online since a couple of days...

I'm starting to worry. It's not like him to keep his phone switched off for days. I do know he changes numbers every once in a while but I feel like something has happened.

I don't know how to get rid of this feeling... Should I just wait? Should I call him at work (he used to call me from there sometimes)? Should I ask one of his friends?