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Author Topic: She deleted our photos together. I'm absolutely gutted right now  (Read 1875 times)
newc1992

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« on: July 21, 2014, 01:43:32 AM »

Most people on this board probably know of my story by now. I broke up with my ex girlfriend 7months ago after a short but intense 3 and a half month relationship. We've not spoken to one another in 3 months, although I'm probably going to send her a text sooner or later to find out how she is doing (she won't reply, but still, at least this will confirm that I MUST now move on).

Anyway, I decided to check her Facebook account last night (I am blocked but have access through my brother's account) and found that she has deleted ALL evidence of our relationship from Facebook. This was done very recently (probably in the last two days), and has upset me an awful lot. I couldn't sleep all last night thinking about it, and am obsessing over her once again

The thing is, why would she do this after such a long time. I was blocked on Facebook about a month after our relationship ended, so it's obvious that she had no interest in speaking to me again. I was blocked on twitter and snapchat a short time later. It has taken her a lot of effort to delete these images, as she has had to go back through months of photos and physically delete every picture of us, and untag the remaining photos uploaded by our mutual friends.

In addition, she has kept the photos she has with her other exes on Facebook, including those that were her profile pictures at the time. She is even still friends with two of her exes on Facebook, and remains Facebook friends with her 'romantic interests' since breaking up with me. So why, after such a long time, has she gone to the conscious effort to delete all traces of me and her from Facebook?

I get that she has probably move on. I get that she is probably seeing another guy now and this could be why she has taken such action. However she has had shirt flings with people since she broke up with me and not taken down the pictures. Plus, she remained friends with exes and had photos (in some cases entire albums) of her ex boyfriends on Facebook which she didn't delete, even with me asking her to.

This has come five weeks after she sent a private message to my close friend (who she isn't friends with and hasn't talked to in months), telling him that she was leaving town soon but wished him all the best in his future. This message, was almost certainly intended as a means of getting to me.

She knows she could have broken NC at any time had she wanted to, if she wanted to work things out or wasn't over me, but I have heard nothing from her. The last time we spoke, she was largely civil, but explained that she couldn't ever forgive me for betraying her trust in me. I am very confused as to what her motives are here. One minute she acts like she wants to hear from me as though she is thinking about reengaging; the next she is completely over me a d wants nothing to do with me, so much so that she deletes any trace that I ever even existed. All I know is that I am distraught right now and am so confused. Every time I seem to heal more, I go back to square one... .
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Ventus2ct
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Posts: 149


« Reply #1 on: July 21, 2014, 02:09:25 AM »

1992, Just don't do it, it will just prolong it all. I did check up on her FB and it just put me back. Block her, don't snoop, it'll be hard at first but its the only way.

I suspect that she did it as she has moved on, or at least is trying to convey that to you. Don't raise to the bait, let it flow.

I am also at nearly 3 months NC, mine has never reached out to me either, yes, I still "think" about her, think about the wasted potential etc but just keep on here, you will soon understand how these relationships are savagely destructive, hell, you know too.

Sometimes we need to take a break from it, stand back and see what really happened.

I currently am seeing a girl, (only as a friend) I have explained everything regarding my situation, she knows the score and it really is enlightening to spend time with someone who is "normal" It to me highlights how messed up and hurtful/destructive my ex is/was in relation to me.

It's like a small reality check.

Also the realization that yours has not reached out, like mine, makes you understand that in reality they didn't really care at all for you, it is unfortunately a fact, we just have to adjust to it and accept it.

There are so many beautiful women out there, normal, balanced, healthy people who would knock spots off your ex. It's a little frightening at first, its change, it's new, it's the unknown but I am positive that all these things become our future, it's all sat there just waiting to be picked up, waiting for us to pick it up.

But you need to "Stop" snooping as it'll only put you back.
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justanotherguy25

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« Reply #2 on: July 21, 2014, 02:21:29 AM »

I am sorry that you are hurting right now.

The only thing that I can really say to you is that she did you a favor.  If you were looking for something to upset you and maybe help you move on, then you  have found it.  There is no question in  my mind that she has already moved on.  They all seem to do it.  Unfortunately you were just another one of her victims.  You were not the first and you will not be the last.

There is a very good reason why everyone on this website can not stress enough NO CONTACT.  Do not look at her facebook, do not send her that text or email that you are thinking about sending.  You are only going to hurt yourself further.  I know that you love her, I know that you are probably still confused about "how could she do this to me"  Even after being here and reading what people have been saying.

You can not look at this from a logical perspective because she is not.  Everything that she is doing and everything that she is going to do is going to be to meet her emotional needs. 

I wish you nothing but the best and hope that you may find some peace.
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newc1992

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« Reply #3 on: July 21, 2014, 05:36:52 AM »

Firstly, thanks for the support through this time. It does make it easier knowing that there are people who understand how I am feeling.

I kind of gathered that she was over me a long time ago. She has never made any attempt to reengage, even when she admitted that she was depressed and alone. I thought that by going NC and pretending I was over it, this would make her contact me. But it has only driven her away. The thing is, if she has been over me for this long, then why leave it until now to delete the images? I mean surely if she was just having a clear out then she would delete the photos that have her other ex in them too? This has not been the case.

Could it be that she has done this out of spite that I haven't made any attempts to contact her, so she thinks I have moved on? Another thing is that I have heard about unstable exes stalking their former partners. Even though I am blocked by her on all social networking, she can still view my twitter account, since this is not public. I recently tweeted the following "@darrenforster69: Brilliant day so far today. Drove 4 supercars this morning, chilling in the sun now, then night out with the boys tonight #yes #ThankYouExGf" referencing the experience day that she had bought me for Christmas. It seems very timely how, upon tweeting this, I check her Facebook account the following day to find all of our photos deleted. This is probably just me over-analysing, and I will never know for sure, but it does seem a bit suspicious to me.

Any thoughts?
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maternal
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« Reply #4 on: July 21, 2014, 06:25:32 AM »

The greatest thing that you will come to terms with through your healing journey is that the only explanation you will ever get is: The Disorder.

That's it. There is no "explanation" beyond that, really. It is very difficult now, and will continue to be, but you must begin the process of acceptance that will never get an answer beyond "it's the disorder." And "the disorder always wins." Continuing to try and analyze and figure out why will only prolong your suffering.

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Ventus2ct
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« Reply #5 on: July 21, 2014, 06:58:42 AM »

Continuing to try and analyze and figure out why will only prolong your suffering.

This^^^^^^^^^ is so true, you need to find a way to wean yourself away from it/her. It'll sound harsh but reality is that she doesn't give a stuff about you, she really doesn't I am afraid.

You need to focus on the ridiculous things she did (if you have to focus at all on anything to do with her), the awful way she treated you and you will in time understand that this is not the pattern of a normal person/relationship. Over time and strict NC things will become more apparent and you'll really start to see what a messed up situation you've found yourself in through no real fault of your doing.

You need to start to focus on YOU, no one else but you, she simply doesn't matter, you owe her nothing, she is not worthy of your time/thoughts/energy, she currently adds "zero" value to your life! Harsh but true I am afraid.

I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with mine, I too was in love (so I thought) I thought I had everything when I found her, as I'm sure with others on this board, we have all been there, we have all seen the pack of cards fall down, you've just got to keep putting one foot in front of another, you'll get there I promise you.
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e350

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« Reply #6 on: July 21, 2014, 01:09:02 PM »

Hey Newc1992,

I spent three years dating someone with BPD.  She had three kids and we did so much together.  We did front row at concerts, stayed at great beach resorts, took vacations all over.  We were dating long distance through all this so I was unaware of the BPD issues going on (lying, cheating, etc.).  One day I was going through pictures of all the great stuff we had done together and as a family and I decided for a Mother's Day gift I would put together a photo album. All chicks love photo albums right?  I poured my heart and soul into it and sent it.  She loved it.  Then a few months later, we got in a fight.  We made up but e next time I went to see get I asked her where it was and she gave me this look... ."I threw it away... ."

There were so many memories in that album and she had no problem just throwing it out as trash.  It's kind of what they do to the people in their life.  Many times I wondered if she had a conscience.  It's almost like she doesn't have a soul.  But then she can be so loving and charming but I don't think she really feels loving.  I think it's just a tool she uses. 
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Frankcostello
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« Reply #7 on: July 21, 2014, 07:43:36 PM »

The greatest thing that you will come to terms with through your healing journey is that the only explanation you will ever get is: The Disorder.

That's it. There is no "explanation" beyond that, really. It is very difficult now, and will continue to be, but you must begin the process of acceptance that will never get an answer beyond "it's the disorder." And "the disorder always wins." Continuing to try and analyze and figure out why will only prolong your suffering.

I agree.  You will never get "closure" from her.  Your closure is that she moved on.  I struggled for a long time with something similar where my exBPDgf never gave me the "closure" that we want, she just disappeared and started seeing other guys immediately.  Maybe it's done intentionally on their part to feel they are in control, however in the end it's their own selfishness.  You don't need someone like that in your life, you need someone who will respect you and your feelings.  I know it's not easy but your closure should begin now, and your process of moving on should begin immediately.  The longer you dwell on the past the longer it will take you to move forward with someone who will respect you and your feelings.
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