Silent Treatment

[screwedfriend]

I am struggling I admit. Trying not to hurt is hard. I am initiating therapy with a couple of visits but no actual therapy or help yet. Almost 2 whole weeks of the silent treatment and NC but I still want to hear from her. I know insane right? I cycle from anger to sadness, physical pain. I do not feel right in my head. Sleep is eratic. I am trying to move on but finding it very difficult. It is like going cold turkey on some horrible drug. I know I am most likely not even an afterthought. She has her new supply and victim. Lord help the poor fellow eventually though. She has convinced herself, that it is all my fault which I know is BS completely. A total wack job and i still really miss her or the illusion of what i thought she was. It is driving me nuts. If I could be with someone else right now though I know it is too soon, I would just to ease the pain.

[Popcorn71]

I remember feeling this way too.

I resisted the temptation to jump into another relationship even though I had two opportunities.  I just knew it would lead to more trouble for me.

It is awful to go through this, but I can say that time helps.  It is now 6 months NC for me (except the odd text regarding divorce or passing in the street).  Things will improve and you will feel better.  I still hurt a lot sometimes, but nowhere near as much as I used to.  It is early days for you.  Don't expect to get over it quickly.  Do all you can to look after yourself and post on here if you need support.  That is what helped me.

[Tincup]

I agree 100% with Popcorn71.  It does take time, but you seem to be processing this just as you should be.  I am 9 months out and probably 7 months or so NC and I still have moments that jump out to me (having one today).  But allow yourself to feel this, allow yourself to process it, and be honest with yourself.  I was not honest with myself for the longest time, but NC allowed me to step back enough from the train to realize where it was going.

[Ventus2ct]

Agree with all of the above, 2 week stage and I was in bits, couldn't sleep, didn't eat, couldn't even function. You need to eat, need to drink plenty of fluids (water pref, no alcohol) Cry if you want to cry, do anything you feel like doing but don't contact.

It will get easier, it really will and I echo what the others say, I wouldn't jump into a relationship with anyone else at the moment, it won't make you feel any better and will also potentially hurt the person you "go" with. I had many options in that department but didn't take any of them. You've just got to grind through it slowly, day by day, hour by hour if needed.

If you can get away for a holiday or go and see friends for a few days, sure you'll be miserable but it'll help. I fortunately had a holiday booked for 10 days at the 2 week stage of NC. This took me up to nearly a month at the time and was a great help.

I did think to have a FWB at the time but didn't, as didn't think it'd be any help, my father stated "The best way to get over a woman is to get under another!" which for a 72 year old made me laugh!

This board is invaluable, so many stories, people at different stages of healing so you can pretty much work out from reading here how your path of healing/detaching will flow, what you have to go through and what to expect.

I am at 3 months NC and feel especially in the last week that I have come a long way, feel so much more positive, as someone mentioned on another thread, just put one foot in front of the other and keep plodding on, you'll get there! And post here instead of breaking NC, we all do it! Good luck.

[screwedfriend]

Thanks to everyone for the kind words and support. I got out and worked in a friends yard today and busted my rear window on the car with the weed eater and then hung out with my mexican mechanic friends and family and got it fixed. I think I just need to be around people. When alone I think of her. She really has no reason to be mad at me but that is the way it is. I went from a good guy to a horrible insane person because I caught her redhanded and said I was done. Of course now I need psychiatric help. Now isn't that what they call the pot calling the kettle black? Thanks again everyone.

[Aussie JJ]

At 2 weeks I was still inconsolable.  The only thing that helped was doing things.  Seeing people, reconecting with friends and family. 

It hurts more than anything.  If ever a women tells me that I don't know what child birth feels like ill tell her you don't know what breakup from a BPD relationship feels like. 

Calm down ladies, I feel this comment is true!

[Louise7777]

Oh boy... .ST is what brought me to this place, among other things... .I suspect Ill receive another ST period after today "discussion". My friend is uPAPD and he didnt like a boundary I established so he pouted and Im sure Ill get ST for God knows how long... .

I feel for you guys, that are going through that. I dont contact him in any way after some events and still, he gives me the ST. Funny cause my reaction is always silence back... .I guess somehow it doesnt affect him. Isnt it weird?

My only advice to people is FOCUS ON YOURSELF. It can be tough at first, but thats very helpful. Good luck to all!