Does this happen to you?

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

I'm curious how common this is for PwBPD.

Whenever there is an important phone call, doctors, credit cards, financial matters, insurance, etc., my wife tells me I have to make the call, even if something is in her name and I have to get special permission to talk on her behalf.

She'll tell me a list of demands that I must satisfy during the call, even when I think they are unreasonable for us to ask.  After the call, she'll often berate me for not asking certain questions "I should have asked" or arguments I should have made on her behalf.  Sometimes she'll yell those things at me when I'm on the call and trying to listen to the other person talking.

She also makes me write any important emails or letters for her (to her employer, coworkers, etc).  Then she'll tell me how stupid I am if she thinks I wrote it wrong.

She is intelligent, well-educated and holds a high level position in a major company, and is perfectly capable of doing these things, herself.  To me, it seems like she's just needing a scapegoat if things don't turn out perfectly in any important situation.

If I refuse, it turns into a huge fight that I like to avoid at all costs.  It's less painful just to do it.

Does this ever happen to anyone else?

[tbddbt]

I'm curious how common this is for PwBPD.

Whenever there is an important phone call, doctors, credit cards, financial matters, insurance, etc., my wife tells me I have to make the call, even if something is in her name and I have to get special permission to talk on her behalf.

She'll tell me a list of demands that I must satisfy during the call, even when I think they are unreasonable for us to ask.  After the call, she'll often berate me for not asking certain questions "I should have asked" or arguments I should have made on her behalf.  Sometimes she'll yell those things at me when I'm on the call and trying to listen to the other person talking.

She also makes me write any important emails or letters for her (to her employer, coworkers, etc).  Then she'll tell me how stupid I am if she thinks I wrote it wrong.

She is intelligent, well-educated and holds a high level position in a major company, and is perfectly capable of doing these things, herself.  To me, it seems like she's just needing a scapegoat if things don't turn out perfectly in any important situation.

If I refuse, it turns into a huge fight that I like to avoid at all costs.  It's less painful just to do it.

Does this ever happen to anyone else?

[HopefulDad]

Since BPD is a spectrum disorder, you'll get a wide range of responses.

A long time ago my wife would do similar things, but then I made it clear that if she has a problem on how I do these type of things, she can do it herself.  That significantly cut down on the outrage.  Now she still may question why I didn't ask or say things she wanted, I'll give her one (just one) explanation and if she continues to harp on it I just say, "You could have made the call yourself" and she backs down.