Tension... wife moved out last night.

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Hi. I've posted on the new person board and now I'm transitioning over here because this seems to be the place.  

My wife moved out last night... .we're on a "break" after already deciding to divorce, but thinking we could live together part-time still. It was just too tense.

So my question is, do people with BPD have a tendency to deny that their behaviors are symptoms of BPD? My wife would get REALLY mad at me for "pathologizing her personality traits" and "It's really hurtful when you tell me that what I do is symptomatic of Borderline or whatever".

It's called denial! How can I live with someone who refuses to acknowledge that their perception of the world is "off". It's just frustrating! I also think she uses her PTSD "triggers" as a crutch. One day she said I triggered her in the morning and it took two days to come down. My therapist said triggers do not last two days and I think she's right. I think my wife has NO idea of the difference between a trigger and she "just doesn't agree with something".

Ok sorry... .venting... .I'm just so angry!

[SpringInMyStep]

Hi. I've posted on the new person board and now I'm transitioning over here because this seems to be the place.  

My wife moved out last night... .we're on a "break" after already deciding to divorce, but thinking we could live together part-time still. It was just too tense.

So my question is, do people with BPD have a tendency to deny that their behaviors are symptoms of BPD? My wife would get REALLY mad at me for "pathologizing her personality traits" and "It's really hurtful when you tell me that what I do is symptomatic of Borderline or whatever".

It's called denial! How can I live with someone who refuses to acknowledge that their perception of the world is "off". It's just frustrating! I also think she uses her PTSD "triggers" as a crutch. One day she said I triggered her in the morning and it took two days to come down. My therapist said triggers do not last two days and I think she's right. I think my wife has NO idea of the difference between a trigger and she "just doesn't agree with something".

Ok sorry... .venting... .I'm just so angry!

[Lucky Jim]

Hi strawberrylover, Welcome!  You've come to the right place.  It's rare, I think, for a pwBPD to admit that he/she has BPD, because the nature of the disorder is to deflect blame from themselves and project it onto someone else (usually the spouse or SO).  So the answer to your first question is Yes, in my view.

Its normal to feel anger and frustration in a BPD r/s, so it's good that you are recognizing your feelings.

You're in a transition, it seems, which can sometimes be a rough ride, so keep us posted and hang in there.

LuckyJim

[SpringInMyStep]

Thanks! Yeah, transition is right. I never thought it would get to the point where we parted ways angrily. I didn't want that. We were really really trying to make it work by scaling back our arrangement, but emotions were just too high.

And with her BPD, I can't really tell her ALL of the reasons that I can't be with her. Her polyamory is just one of the things, but it's so much more. She's going to unfortunately have to keep losing people in her life and even then, I don't know if she'll ever figure it out.

It's sad, really, because she's such an amazing person underneath all that... .

[Lucky Jim]

Well, it is sad, but there's only so much that you can do.

Waiting for a pwBPD to change can be a thankless vigil.

In a BPD r/s, it's almost a given that emotions run high.

Drama is the norm for a pwBPD, in my view.

It's hard, but moving on is usually the best solution.

LuckyJim