Hi JohnTurn,
Sorry to read about your struggles, and your STD. That can't be nice.
Not sure if the staying board is the best place to ask. I guess people at Undecided or Leaving are more experienced in detachment. When I read your story I see a lot of (now surfaced, recognized) resentment. It also reminds me of the article on the Karpman Drama Triangle, and moving into a persecutor role. Perhaps that article will make you understand the dynamics?
Best of luck... I can imagine it is hard to stay away. I commend you for recognizing your own unhealthy behviour, it's good you're reaching out here for help.