Anyone else stopped believing?

[Crow Moon]

I've always been a somewhat shy and reclusive guy and it certainly takes time for me to open up. It takes effort for me to put that kind of trust in someone. So no surprise here; I've never been great at relationships or even "dating". Ever since my uBPDexgf I stopped believing in relationships, for me at least. I don't think I would ever be able to put that kind of trust in anyone again after it was used against me. Nor would I believe it when someone would say she likes me.

I know this is wrong and generalizing of me, but I can't stop feeling it. I always end up getting hurt or strung around, although never in this magnitude. Does anyone share this feeling?

[NorthLight]

Only for the first few weeks after the break up. I thought if I can't trust my SOULMATE... that had so intense love for me, if I can get totally out of the blue abandoned by her... Then I can be abandoned by anyone in this life, and Ill never trust another girl again.

Then I started read about BPD and BPD relationships. That helped a lot.

Draw a line between BPD girls and "other" girls. BPD can create this fantasy of all that soulmate crap, and they can break all your trust. That doesn't mean you can't trust a normal girl, or be liked by a normal girl.

Keep reading and you will understand that this is a personality disorder, and that will probably give you the hope back that you can be in a healthy r/s one day and trust again

[Popcorn71]

Yes I feel like this too.

Trusting my exBPDh was difficult due the nature of the breakup of my first marriage.  I was very disillusioned after that.

Now I feel that it is just not worth the effort because everyone will let me down at some point.

[Tausk]

I understand this feeling.  I have it often.  I've never really not had it.  That's why I invited the Disorder into my life.

And to be honest, some of us will never be intimate with another person.  That is really intimate.  And I could be one of those people.  But I don't want to be.  So I'm doing the work of recovery.  I'm on this board and the others.  I'm doing the therapy. I'm doing the schema work. I'm looking at my FOO issues.  I'm leaning in the pain and trauma.  I'm working of meditation and mindfulness.  I'm trying to find meaning in my life... .

It's hard as hell.  And it hurts. 

But I hope and believe that I can become the person whom I've always wanted to be and who can genuinely love others from a genuine core self.

So I continue to write and work and hope and pray and meditate and share and ... .

Be well,

We can all do it.  The path is laid out for us.

[Vexed]

Does anyone share this feeling?

Yes.  I am an introvert, don't develop deep r/s often, she was my best friend for ten years before we hooked up.  I knew better from her troubled past but she was my dream girl, and I got her.  Now I'm in my 30s and I thought she was the one, and it's hard to have hope since I have had all of 3 adult r/s, not to mention what she did to my self esteem in the end. 

From the beginning before I realized she was pwBPD I thought we were ment to be, bc I recognized we were like 2 broken pieces that fit together perfectly

She was perfect at times, the illusion of what could be really is agonizing.

[Blimblam]

Does anyone share this feeling?

Yes.  I am an introvert, don't develop deep r/s often, she was my best friend for ten years before we hooked up.  I knew better from her troubled past but she was my dream girl, and I got her.  Now I'm in my 30s and I thought she was the one, and it's hard to have hope since I have had all of 3 adult r/s, not to mention what she did to my self esteem in the end. 

From the beginning before I realized she was pwBPD I thought we were ment to be, bc I recognized we were like 2 broken pieces that fit together perfectly

She was perfect at times, the illusion of what could be really is agonizing.

I was an introvert too.  In the devaluing she showed you how she really feels deep down the illusion of the pain what is really love in the depths of despair shrouded in fear.

Through your empathy you related and identified with this and it has given you a path to find this very part of yourself.  It is terrifying and uncomfortable. In that pain is the path to salvation.   

[fromheeltoheal]

The relationship with my ex developed WAY too quickly, and I knew it at the time but ignored it; I was enjoying the buzz.  But it felt like barreling down a mountain road in a car with no brakes, knowing damn well it was all going to end in a fiery crash, but saying screw it, let's enjoy the ride.  And crash it did.

But really, now that I've pulled my head out of my ass, there was no mystery; she caught me at a time when I was lonely and susceptible and I dove in; lonely and susceptible is fixable.  So it's made me much more wary, and actually puts the burden on new women I meet; they get to prove to me that they aren't batsht crazy before we get anywhere, and that's OK, they should be looking for that in me too, and real love, sustainable love, is a slow burn that develops over time.  Trust and respect develop slowly over time.  We know these things.  Had I focused on those truths with crazygirl we never would have gotten off the ground.  Think about it: those of us here typing to each other are sensitive, aware types, while the Neanderthals who got screwed by a borderline but have no clue what hit them are off drinking in some bar.  We deserve good, healthy partners.  :)ammit.  So let's just make 'em work for it a little more next time; there's a love story in our futures.

[myself]

I still believe, but am not holding my breath about it.

Working on myself before getting involved in another relationship.

Making sure it's a road more trustworthy to travel than the last dead end.

[OutOfEgypt]

I have certainly felt that way.  I definitely am looking for something very specific, and thankfully from working through so much with T over the past few years I am much more in touch with who I am and what I want and do not want.  I've said goodbye very quickly to a number of women, some of them exhibited red flags very quickly.  I am now dating a woman who is actually very different.  She is kind, gracious.  She isn't rushing things (passed red flag #1).  She has good relationships with many people, including many people I know (passed red flag #2).  And when I'm around her, I don't feel like she's trying to jockey for position to control and dominate the relationship or seduce or lure (passed red flag #3).  She isn't manipulative (passed red flag #4), and she isn't "needy"... .in fact, she just likes me because she likes me, not because I am a hero or something like that.  I am not put on a pedestal (red flag #5).  It's really nice.  I don't know where things will go, but I know now from experience that there are some really good women out there.  You just have to be patient and *listen* to yourself and see how things go.  But if it doesn't work out with her... .I'll see if someone else comes along with these same qualities.  If not, being alone is better than being with someone who tortures you.