Well, another birthday has arrived. I'm spending time with some friends tonight to celebrate & had a meal with the family yesterday. I suppose I should be grateful for that.
I'm not expecting to hear from her. Funny how she's the only one I want a message from.
Happy Birthday Eric. I recalled you mentioned a while ago your special day was approaching. Like Caramel said, I too know how you were feeling just hoping for recognition from her on your birthday. I cant imagine hurting someone the way they do let alone on a persons birthday.
My exBPD ruined my bday when we were together with a push pull devaluation of me for no reason, then when I exoressed my anger, the grand finale was a suicide manipulation which made my bday full of heartache and tears... and... .about him. Not me. Thats how I celebrated my day. And guess what else... .Not even a card. Not even " happy birthday" written on a napkin. I wont address all the ways I made his day special for him out of genuine love. Lets just say, the scales most certainly do not equal.
This year I was abandoned a few mos prior to my bday. It was a significant bday and so many friends, acquaintances, family and even peripheral ppl in my life made an effort to share a sentiment. My expBPD knew how much simple things mean to me. How much holidays and birthdays mean in the simplest warmest ways. Like you , I expected human decency as such. With all the ways we can communicate w out even being present, I thought a simple Happy Birthday would come through. Like you, it was the one gift I wsnted just to show me that I mattered to him. That he remembered me. That some small part of he who took all of my kind caring loving heart might take just one moment to acknowledge me. Nothing. At all. Not even a happy birthday sent thru a friend.
Whats ironic is we spoke so often of how much bdays meant to us. Mirroring I guess looking back. I gave him the bdays he never had and always wanted. I remembered his favorite meal, dessert, even went to great length to get him a gift that was not easy to obtain but held great sentimental value. The kind of gift you would never think anyone would take the effort to get for you bc it showed deep thought more than anything else. And that I listened when he spoke from his heart of what mattered. The cards I wrote to him. Those in itself were gifts from the heart. The kind of things I would and do cherish more than material goods. He told me over and over how much he did too.
He later told me on a one day recycle that he had remembered my day. I asked thru tears saying how very much I had wanted to hear from him on that day. Recalling how we spent his bday. He knew. He showed no shame as we spoke. Almost a bit of satisfaction instead.
I later learned he had thrown away the cards I wrote to him. Like he threw me away for no reason.
Happy birthday Eric! Please don't place your value in the hands of anyone else. You are a gift and celebrate that everyday as you continue to heal and you continue to a much healthier place ahead
