mental overload

[guliers]

I've been having a tough time trying to work on the way my thoughts function and its throwing me for a loop. I feel like I have to be acutely aware of every thought and action that i do now in order to disrupt the learned habits from my uBPD dad. i've spent the last week or so kinda crawling around inside my own head trying to remember my childhood and the most disturbing thing i've come across is that i feel like i went through my entire life and i was kind of absent. i can't remember a lot of things and my friends are always amazed at how little i remember. i feel sad looking at my diplomas and feeling like i should have done more when i was younger.

but anyways, the point being i guess i kind of overloaded my brain in the past week with trying to push myself to relax and most allow myself to feel whatever i feel instead of being constantly tense. i walked into the bathroom today and looked at myself in the mirror and for a minute or so it was like i didn't even recognize myself. it was like "why am i still in this body?" it was just the most bizarre thing i had ever experienced and i don't know what to think of it.

A friend of mine said it sounded like a result of brain inflammation from stress but i don't know. he said it was just an educated guess.

has anyone else had something like this happen while they're trying to heal/cope?

[HappyChappy]

  Sorry to hear you feel overloaded. Your friend does make a good point, reality has felt distant in times of great stress for me also. Why not check it out with a Dr ? When I first realised about BPD, I also got an altered image for a time. The reason being, I had to assimulated some big news, into my belief system. This process can seam an odd reality for a time, but it passess. I also remember looking into a mirror, and touching my face to see it I was there ! I've often hear children of BPD, feeling like they're going crazy (the gas lighting etc... .).

With the memory thing, again high stress can effect memory such as blanking certain traumatice event. My BPD also conviced me my early memories were wrong, which led me to believe people were lying when they said they could remember things from before aged 8. I have since realise, I do remeber far more than my BPD led me to believe.

You said you've been crawling around your own head. Having a Therapist, or good friend/partner to hold your hand, whilst you walk through this foggy period is worth considering. It will help ground you. Best of luck.