Do you think they can change?

[FigureIt]

I was done!  Making my plans and ready to move my d8 from a house I had bought with my uBPDbf 3yrs. ago.  I just couldn't do it anymore.  I had told him what the problems were, his drinking, outbursts, threats, lack of trust, his text other women, etc.  I WAS DONE!

Now he has promised to get help and fix, work on EVERYTHING.  I am very skeptical!  He wants one last chance.  He has also stated there is NO TOLERANCE.  One more mess up and he's gone.

The only reason I am considering this is that he has stated he will get formal legal documentation together stating that if he does mess up I will get the house and he will leave, no fight.  Or, if I decide that I no longer want to be in this relationship that we will sell the house and split the assets.  (In the past he has always told me to leave, he wants the house and he would not give me my money from the down payment I put down and 1/2 the equity.)

I told him if he completes the paperwork I will see that as a sign of "good faith" and that I will try.  I also told him it is no guarantee that I will want to stay, that there is A LOT of work he needs to do.

Do you believe there is hope or is it just a delay? 

[Mutt]

You know your uBPDbf best and if he is serious or not. Everything is a high bar to set and it may be difficult for him to fulfill that. What areas do you want him to put effort into? Is he willing to go to therapy for himself?

[FigureIt]

I told him I thought it was A LOT!  I want the excessive drinking to stop, the threatening, the contact with other women, the sadness & sitting and rocking, enjoy life, trust me, etc.

He is going to therapy something called EMDR.  It starts this Tuesday.

[Mutt]

I told him I thought it was A LOT!  I want the excessive drinking to stop, the threatening, the contact with other women, the sadness & sitting and rocking, enjoy life, trust me, etc.

He is going to therapy something called EMDR.  It starts this Tuesday.

I agree it is a lot FigureIt    EMDR is therapy for depression, anxiety. That's all I know.

[pavilion]

EMDR is great for PTSD but I've not heard of it being used specifically for BPD. Sounds as though it's the all or nothing type thinking again. He probably actually believes he can uphold his end of the bargain right now but it sounds impossible. Also I'm not sure how this would be drawn up legally. How would it be possible to document the nuances of such a relationship?

[Mutt]

Hi FigureIt ,

I found an article on the site.

EMDR and PTSD

You can ask on that thread if you like.