Got Chills

[robert4574]

Back to 16 days of NC. Have her blocked on everything imaginable. I ended up getting a few calls on Monday from a blocked number, but I obviously didn't answer. Yesterday, she liked a photo of one of my colleagues on instagram and commented "Great Shot." Granted it was a good photo, but obviously she did it to get at me. It sent chills through my entire body and put a disgusted look on my face, which I take as a positive.

Went to a therapist this past Monday as most have recommended on this board. It was a bit uncomfortable to talk about my situation with a total stranger, plus my therapist ended up having the same name as my ex. I knew that going in, but she was highly recommended. In the end, I was glad I went; however, she told me what I already knew. That my ex was indeed crazy. She was actually surprised at how much I knew about the disorder. She said NC is obviously the best way to handle this situation even if I was not dealing with a borderline. It was my first session so she was asking general relationship/family history questions and taking notes. I imagine next week with be more productive.

Today, i'm trying to think of what I would say to my exBPD if she approached me. She would probably ask how I am or what I have been up to? What would I say? If it were to happen today I would say I have been mourning her death. And tell her to stay underground. Too harsh?

Also, I'm so frustrated that I am still having to explain to friends and family that our relationship is over. She knew everyone in my circle, so everyone is still asking about her and how she is. My generic response has been, "We broke up 3 months ago, it's for the best." She never fully committed so most of the people in her life had no idea we were even together. It made it easy for her. Her FB looked like she was single the entire time. So calculated and so sick these people.

[Michellinda]

Robert4574, so when they comment on your friends pics it is to get a rise out of you? Make sense all he does is comment on our mutual friends pics. It is weird?

Do you still have feelings for her. I'm on Day 25 and still feel very sad.

[robert4574]

Weird? Not really. I'm not surprised seeing as it is pretty much the only way she can show her existence to me other than drive to my apartment. The only reason she knew him was because of me and because we both lived in the same apartment building. It's crazy how they can be cool with still being connected on all these social media platforms. I don't want to see anything that is going on with her because it's an obvious trigger for me.

Yes, I still have feelings for her and I know that it probably won't change for a long time; however, in my eyes she is dead to me.

[Michellinda]

Its good to hear how strong you are. A part of me does really feel anger towards my ex and knows that the best thing that could have happened was to break up and go NC but then another twisted part is sad and misses him and wishes to talk to him. Ugh! I am trying my hardest to be strong like you.

[BacknthSaddle]

You're doing great Robert, and you're making the right move in being patient with therapy.  Social media is triggering for many people here including myself; many have unfriended/stopped following mutual friends or gone off social media altogether, and you may find you need to do something along these lines.  As to what to say when she approaches and says "how are you" ( I assume you mean in person; if it is electronic there is no need to respond at all), just do your best to stay dispassionate and keep emotion out of the conversation. 

[Infared]

If she tries to approach you in public I suggest you look down and find the nearest exit. NC is NC... .go to any length!... Love you... .also... therapy takes time... so... .you first have to get comfortable with your T and build trust and respect... .what I had to work on was why was "I" attracted to this person... .what was my part in it? I had to find out about me and then work on changing that. It took brutal honesty, being forgiving to me and willingness to change.

Robert... .it sound like you are making every effort to take care of you... .We applauded you!

It is a painful time right now and full of change ... .but it gest better and so do YOU!