Wish I had the energy to tell the whole story

[rvieux]

Hello,

If my post isn't welcome because I'm just complaining about my wife, just let me know. I just really have noone to talk to.

I haven't posted here in a while it seems, but I couldn't sleep and I just need to write because I still have noone to talk to, and I know that's my fault because I still haven't set up an appointment with a therapist, but I keep forgetting to, I go to work and I'm unable to think about stuff like that for myself, then when I go home, it's crazy, so I feel like I have no time to stop and think for myself.

I'm writing just to vent because I can't believe the abuse I get, I'm getting really worn out, I feel like I'm unable to move at times and I just want to go to sleep.

It took me a lot of energy to write on this website now and I feel like I don't have the energy to go into details, but I"ll start by saying today my wife picked me up from work and my 1-year-old was in the backseat and  we were having a great time. I was talking care of my 1-year-old for a long time in the back seat when we decided to not go home and stay out, so she drove to a store that she wanted to go to but it turned out to be closed, then she got back on the highway and went the wrong way for a while, i think she went North for almost an hour. When she found out she made this mistake, that's when she changed dramatically. She went into that 'demon voice' and shut off the music in the car and started complaining about everything, nonstop, and she was so angry that she went the wrong way for so long, so this all instantly ruined my mood as usual. I just sat in the back seat as she complained and then she cancelled the plans for the rest of the night and started heading home, then she made a slow right turn in the car after coming to a stop and slightly ran over a curb with the back right tires and she started banging the steering wheel with her hand and slamming on the brakes and yelling... .

whatever just the whole night got worse and worse for me and she would switch personalities on and off, it s really horrible, i guess i'm going nowhere with this. she said again she is going to divorce me it's just all too much

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[DreamFlyer99]

Hi rvieux!

It sounds like you're pretty depressed... .i'm sorry to hear that, I've struggled with depression myself for most of my life. I know how much seeing a therapist and getting on an anti-depressant has helped me, so i'd urge you to set that as a goal to see someone. Break it into steps and look up names one day, call another day, etc.

I know how that feels when your partner turns like that! My uBPDh has done that countless times, and I too felt quite "squished." It's about them, not us, it's about them hating making a mistake and their fears of being abandoned, or whatever triggered their sudden switch, but they pour it out all over us. It's about how they are feeling right at that moment. Feelings = Fact to someone suffering with BPD, and at that moment your wife felt horrid and it showed on the outside. That feels awful to the recipient of the abuse!

What truth can you tell yourself about yourself when your wife changes like that? Can you say, "this isn't about me" or something like that?

[Entropy1]

Hi Rvieux,

I'm glad you took the time to write, feeling alone with these things is really awful!  When you say "I can't believe the abuse I get", I can certainly relate.  It is abuse, and you shouldn't have to experience that. 

A few weeks back, I finally (after 25 years!) got frustrated enough with being abused to tell my uBPDw that it has to stop.  I called it "abuse" for the first time, and said I'd like to work with her on setting some boundaries but that I would set my own regardless.  Of course, I had no idea how I would actually do that at the time!  I've found lots of the resources on this site very helpful in stepping away from the conflict and making those boundaries a practical reality.  The one on Taking a Time Out, for example, was very helpful. 

Finally, I want to echo what DreamFlyer99 suggested about the importance of finding some help for yourself through therapy and perhaps an anti-depressant.  I've been helped greatly by these myself.  You are worth it.

Best wishes!