Once you discovered BPD, did you seem to think everyone had it?

[Wrecked]

After some really disturbing, out of character behavior on my son's part, I began doing a lot of research and finally came to the conclusion that his gf very likely had BPD and NPD. Not really sure what my son has but he does have something.

But the more I learned about BPD, the more I realized that many people in my life fit the criteria.  I feel that I can safely say that my ex-MIL, ex-husband and two of my sisters display(ed) many of the traits and were uBPD.  I wonder if I am suggesting that they are all uBPD too loosely or if now that I am aware of BPD, I am just more able to identify the traits. Or maybe, it's not a coincidence that I married into a uBPD family, after having lived with my uBPD sisters.

Has anyone else had a similar experience?

[HappyChappy]

"Once you discovered BPD, did you seem to think everyone had it?" Yes I did. I think it's natural as your mind is running though it's life experiences and checking things against this new information. After all, it's a big discovery, your reality really does shift it's reference point.

I have often read that BPD has been misdiagnosed. There is cross over in symptoms with ADHD for example ( empathy is late in developing) or bi-polar (fantasy thinking) and many others. We all have narcisstic attributes, and we ACoN's will have picked up some from our BPD parents. If people get too much adoration, they will become more Narcisstic in their behaviour -just look to Hollywood for that. It is also a spectrum. I think you really need to know someone well before you can diagnose.

The percentages of people with personality disorders is very low, I've seen figures that range from 1%-4%. In reference to marrying into a uBPD family, BPD do hone in on particular personalities. And children of BPD do share certain personality traites. I notice you Avitar is the cat off Shreck, now was he a NPD ?

[Harri]

Hi Wrecked.  I found myself surrounded by BPDs and other PDs when I first learned of it.  I even managed to find work settings where I was dealing with all sorts of abusive behaviors. 

I wonder if I am suggesting that they are all uBPD too loosely or if now that I am aware of BPD, I am just more able to identify the traits. Or maybe, it's not a coincidence that I married into a uBPD family, after having lived with my uBPD sisters.

I think it is a combination of everything you mentioned above. 

[Boss302]

No. In fact, once I came to understand the illness better, it was easier to see that most people DON'T suffer from it.

[Turkish]

The percentages of people with personality disorders is very low, I've seen figures that range from 1%-4%. In reference to marrying into a uBPD family, BPD do hone in on particular personalities. And children of BPD do share certain personality traites. I notice you Avitar is the cat off Shreck, now was he a NPD ?

This one's a little outdated: www.nimh.nih.gov/news/science-news/2007/national-survey-tracks-prevalence-of-personality-disorders-in-us-population.shtml

The researchers found that the prevalence for any personality disorder in the United States is 9.1 percent. Specific prevalence rates for borderline personality disorder and antisocial personality disorder were estimated at 1.4 percent and 0.6 percent, respectively.

www.nimh.nih.gov/statistics/1Borderline.shtml

Then this data seems to reference the source above... .yet puts BPD at 1.6%, rather than 1.4%.

In this more current article, written by a colleague of Gunderson, she suggests that the rate of BPD at least is probably higher:

www.psychologytoday.com/blog/black-womens-health-and-happiness/201302/borderline-personality-afflicts-all-races-and-both-gen

NEABPD says almost 6% just for BPD.

I am convinced my Ex has it. Her observable behaviors fluctuate, but based upon how constantly depressed she is under the surface (I saw it switch in minutes a number of times... .and  the anger outbursts on the other side), what she wrote in her journals, and her months' long dissociation before she moved out, I'm convinced. She even self-diagnosed herself as "sick" and probably having an "attachment disorder." Her older brother shows such obvious traits that I don't have to be in a r/s with him to see it (his depression, moodiness, anger, and love addictions even drove my Ex nuts). Her younger sis shows some traits, but I never saw nor heard about the inappropriate anger. The three younger brothers seem ok, though the ones on either side of the one in college show some signs of depression. The college age brother is the one most differentiated from the family. I think moving away for college was healthy for him.

BPD was suggested in a subtle way as a dX for my mom by her T. If my mom was the borderline, then her next youngest sibling was the narcissist. The two older kids were pretty normal and raised healthy families themselves.

The funny thing about my mom is that she is always "diagnosing" pwBPD. She is a retired nurse (RN), so I don't know how much of it's based upon her medical knowledge and experience, and how much of it is projection.  

So me? Yeah. I found a mate totally unlike my mom on the outside, but very similar on the inside, down to being part of a family with multiple members who show BPD traits, and one where violence and an emotionally invalidating environment was the norm.

[Wrecked]

Happy,

I'm glad to know I'm not the only one. I really thought I was making things bigger than they were and often double check my logic with my husband who always seems to concur. I recognize that he may be biased though.

I'm probably the only person in the universe who hasn't watched Shrek. I didn't even know the cat was from Shrek. I just like cats and thought that the sad look reflected very well how I was feeling at the time I selected it.

Harri,

I think you hit it on the nose. It is a combination of all those things.

Boss,

You are right. I guess I exaggerated a little. LOL! Five people out of all the people I've known in my lifetime hardly constitutes everyone but I do think it is a lot more prevalent that I previously thought it was.

Turkish

Those stats are alarming although I wonder if they are not even higher given that they generally don’t seek treatment and therefore not included in those stats.  Like you, I notice the traits in those around me to varying degrees. My sisters traits were more along the lines of manipulative and crazy-making rather than ranting and raging probably because my father was physically abusive and did not tolerate ranting and raging from any of his children. The ex-husband, ex-MIL and son's gf show all of the traits.

[wishfulthinking]

I didn't think EVERYONE had it, like my good friends don't, my co-workers don't... .but, for example, my friend A has a friend D who she tells me about sometimes and D clearly has BPD. I can see it in people far easier than before.  My coworker's mom is BPD... .so, I don't think everyone has it, but I see I can pinpoint it right off in a person where before I would just think it weird.  Now, I see the signs...

Also,

Don't bother with Shrek (which is good, but not awesome) but watch Puss N Boots instead.  Same cat, great movie. 

[Aussie JJ]

My first thought is that's what I have!

Then fact checking started and I learnt about gaslighting. 

I now know with certainty a few people in my life that have BPD.  I have the 'how does that make you feel?'  Question.  It stops them instantly and I then leave it alone.  My mother has some serious NPD traits and my father is a co-dependant. 

On a serious note, one phase I went through was trying to diagnose myself with everything cluster B.  When I first found out I was so in the FOG that I thought I was the one with a serious PD and I wanted it to be my problem so I could fix it. 

Projection 101, I wanted to fix it all. 

[isshebpd]

I learned about BPD after my uBPDmom said her deceased sister had it (probably not). When I looked up BPD, I quickly realized the reality about my uBPDmom. Then I investigated NPD, and realized my brother is also extremely narcissistic.

I was fortunately to marry a woman who is non-PD, but is mentally ill. I'm thankful to escape the trap so many others have fallen into.

My sister is the polar opposite of our uBPDmom. Calm, rational, even stoic.

It's been interesting thinking about past relationships, even just co-workers, and who might have had a PD. Not many, really, except when I was a teen or young adult. Some of my friends were also quite messed up in various ways.

I watch for it in the workplace, but haven't seen many signs.

When I went into therapy, I was prepared for whatever diagnosis was appropriate. I was diagnosed PTSD and have substance abuse problems. I strongly believe I was ADHD when I was young, but I grew out of most of it.

Learning about BPD has given me a lot to think about everyone in my life.

[ballerina82]

Yes I did. And I think it's because I was drawn to people with similar characteristics and they were drawn to me.

[Wrecked]

Wishful,

Thanks for the advice on the movies. I agree that I think I can see the signs more readily and I don't brush them off as weird anymore. Instead, I run as fast as my feet will take me.

Aussie,

I had the same experience, thinking that I was the one with the problem. It didn’t help that my son's uBPDgf was studying psychology and I believe she had been trying to convince my son that I had a personality disorder and was an abusive mother so obviously trying to bait me. I never really fell into her traps however she always had a way of twisting anything I said and did around. Then when I started thinking that many people around me had personality disorders, I start wondering if I was projecting my own issues onto them. Sometimes I doubted myself but I know better now.

I also went through the phase of wanting to fix things but I realized that the more I tried, the unhealthier I became.

Isshepd,

“I strongly believe I was ADHD when I was young, but I grew out of most of it.” 

Do you have any thoughts as to why you might have outgrown it?

Ballerina,

I think this is the case for me as well. I was not only drawn to people with BPD traits but moved away from healthy people towards them. I was always too much the people pleaser and I guess that made me the perfect target as well. 

***Thanks to everyone for their input.

[isshebpd]

Isshepd,

“I strongly believe I was ADHD when I was young, but I grew out of most of it.” 

Do you have any thoughts as to why you might have outgrown it?

As I was exposed to people who were good for me, I gradually learned many of my habits and quirks didn't help me. Socialization was a difficult process of trial and error. I still mess up sometimes.

Despite my apparent ADHD, I went to college and then university. I could focus academically on things that actually interested me. In high school, most of my friends were co-dependent enablers of my drug abuse and other bad habits. In university, I met people who were interesting and had goals in life.

From what I've read, many people with ADHD improve as they mature in better environments.