Thank you - One year out today

[Popcorn71]

Today is exactly a year since my xpdh dropped the bombshell that he didn't want me anymore.

I have been to hell and back during the past 12 months.  Some friends have tried to help and understand.  Most friends are fed up with me still being affected by him.

My support has come from these boards.  I have been supported, understood and listened to.  I don't know what I would have done without all of you.

THANKS

[Caredverymuch]

Today is exactly a year since my xpdh dropped the bombshell that he didn't want me anymore.

I have been to hell and back during the past 12 months.  Some friends have tried to help and understand.  Most friends are fed up with me still being affected by him.

My support has come from these boards.  I have been supported, understood and listened to.  I don't know what I would have done without all of you.

THANKS

Popcorn,  One year out! Me too! You can find a recent post I did on just this subject. The support on these boards was instrumental and still is in helping me with full detachment. No one understands best as they try how it feels to be in these r/s unless they have been there themselves.

How are you feeling these days? Has the year mark made a difference in how you see yourself moving forward?  I'm anxious to hear your feedback and I hope you are taking care of yourself first and foremost.

[pari]

Me too! Give me Hi5 Popcorn71 and Caredverymuch! I am 15 months out and 11 months NC.

This forum has been a true blessing during this time to maintain my sanity. Cannot thank you enough my lovely family! 

Quite certain that things will only get better from here.

[Caredverymuch]

Me too! Give me Hi5 Popcorn71 and Caredverymuch! I am 15 months out and 11 months NC.

This forum has been a true blessing during this time to maintain my sanity. Cannot thank you enough my lovely family! 

Quite certain that things will only get better from here.

  

[Popcorn71]

It's good to hear that you are doing well after a year too.  Time does help.

I think the one year 'anniversary' of the end of the relationship has been significant in some way.  It's difficult to explain, but I feel as though I have proved to myself that I can get through one year so the rest of my life will be no problem.

[Caredverymuch]

It's good to hear that you are doing well after a year too.  Time does help.

I think the one year 'anniversary' of the end of the relationship has been significant in some way.  It's difficult to explain, but I feel as though I have proved to myself that I can get through one year so the rest of my life will be no problem.

Thats very touching Popcorn.  What has the year been like for you? What had been most helpful in your healing? Congratulation again 

[Popcorn71]

The year has been very up and down.

The first 3 months was hell.  I was extremely depressed.

The main thing that has helped me has been that I had recently started a new job when my ex left me.  Fortunately it is a job I love and have proved to be very good at.  I threw myself into my work and also spending time with my teenage kids in the little spare time I had.  This helped to build up my self esteem and I also realised that I had gained back my relationship with my children.  I began to see that I had not lost what I thought I had lost.  My ex was not really who I thought he was.

Another thing that helped me greatly, was posting and reading on these boards.  At first I had my mother to talk to but eventually she got fed up of it.  It was then that I found the most support here.  Feeling that other people understand me and have been through the same and can offer advice and support has helped me a lot.

I also joined a local meetup group and started going out to events that my ex would never gone to with me.  That helped me to see how selfish he was and that I gave up my enjoyment in life in order to please him.  I have also made some friends and have a social life again.

Finally, walking my mother's dog has also helped.  Due to stress etc. I lost 2 stone in weight quickly and felt more energetic.  I try to walk the dog at least 3 times a week because I find that it helps to clear my mind as well as providing exercise.  Being in the countryside and peace and quiet, relaxes and calms me.  I find this is essential to me feeling well, now.

All these things have helped me regain my confidence and got me back to my true personality.  The fact that I am so much more popular now proves to me that it was my ex that people didn't want to be around.  At the time, I thought it was me.  This has gone a long way in helping me realise that the problem is his, not mine.

[Caredverymuch]

The year has been very up and down.

The first 3 months was hell.  I was extremely depressed.

The main thing that has helped me has been that I had recently started a new job when my ex left me.  Fortunately it is a job I love and have proved to be very good at.  I threw myself into my work and also spending time with my teenage kids in the little spare time I had.  This helped to build up my self esteem and I also realised that I had gained back my relationship with my children.  I began to see that I had not lost what I thought I had lost.  My ex was not really who I thought he was.

Another thing that helped me greatly, was posting and reading on these boards.  At first I had my mother to talk to but eventually she got fed up of it.  It was then that I found the most support here.  Feeling that other people understand me and have been through the same and can offer advice and support has helped me a lot.

I also joined a local meetup group and started going out to events that my ex would never gone to with me.  That helped me to see how selfish he was and that I gave up my enjoyment in life in order to please him.  I have also made some friends and have a social life again.

Finally, walking my mother's dog has also helped.  Due to stress etc. I lost 2 stone in weight quickly and felt more energetic.  I try to walk the dog at least 3 times a week because I find that it helps to clear my mind as well as providing exercise.  Being in the countryside and peace and quiet, relaxes and calms me.  I find this is essential to me feeling well, now.

All these things have helped me regain my confidence and got me back to my true personality.  The fact that I am so much more popular now proves to me that it was my ex that people didn't want to be around.  At the time, I thought it was me.  This has gone a long way in helping me realise that the problem is his, not mine.

Great job Popcorn! Im so happy you have yourself back as well as your r/s with your children!

My expBPD did a number on my r/s with my children as well.  I still cant believe that and my children are the most impt ppl in my life and always have been. PBPD really can damage all of our r/s with others.  Its frightening how that happens so unconsciously.

You are doing a great job in your full detachment and healing.  So very happy for you! Keep going strong!

[Popcorn71]

PBPD really can damage all of our r/s with others.  Its frightening how that happens so unconsciously.

You are quite right.  It is scary how we don't notice what they are doing until it is too late.  I had a talk with a friend last night and told her some of the details of my relationship with my ex that she did not know before.  I was stunned by the look of shock and horror on her face.  That hit home to me that I had been accepting behaviour from him that was totally unreasonable and even creepy.  I just did not see that at the time.  Very scary.  I am just grateful that I got out before more serious damage was done.

[amigo]

Hi, I am not one year out, but I want to echo your observations of how crucial this online community has been to my healing and moving forward. As you all point out, friends, family, no one else, can understand our predicament the way we (the ex partners of BPDs) do.

Your - one year out - observations are inspiring to me. Congratulations and thank you so much!