I answered the phone today...

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

I have my dexBPDgf blocked on my phone.  A new number came up and I should have let it go to voice mail but I answered it.  I forget that I am on lock down and can't answer every number that comes up.  Well it was my ex.  At first it was a pleasant conversation and she said she just wanted to talk and get some closure.  She started asking me why I did this and that?  It was like we hadn't had a two week break between us.  I tried reasoning with her at first.  But that didn't work.  I tried validating her but that didn't work.  I finally just sat there and let her spew her venom out.  It was the same conversation we had had the last time.  Same old thing.  i have to admit when i heard her voice, i was hopeful.  I am a fool. 

[WhoMe51]

I have my dexBPDgf blocked on my phone.  A new number came up and I should have let it go to voice mail but I answered it.  I forget that I am on lock down and can't answer every number that comes up.  Well it was my ex.  At first it was a pleasant conversation and she said she just wanted to talk and get some closure.  She started asking me why I did this and that?  It was like we hadn't had a two week break between us.  I tried reasoning with her at first.  But that didn't work.  I tried validating her but that didn't work.  I finally just sat there and let her spew her venom out.  It was the same conversation we had had the last time.  Same old thing.  i have to admit when i heard her voice, i was hopeful.  I am a fool. 

[elessar]

Its just... .so frustrating right? Like you are playing a game whose outcome you know, and you know that you will lose. It is so frustrating how even trying to have a civil conversation devolves into fight and argument. That used to make me question my own sanity/personality. Reasoning doesn't work. It has to be their way. Even that doesn't work. It slowly leads to a fight. And it always ends with "we are still so bitter about these all these years later. we are not meant to be together". And you think, 'but I don't have this kind of fight with anyone in the universe but you!'.

it was strong of you to block her number. many of us can't do that. it just sucks she called from a different number and your day (or days) had to be ruined because of that.

[Harri]

Hi WhoMe.  It hurts doesn't it?  

i have to admit when i heard her voice, i was hopeful.  I am a fool.

Calling yourself names is not going to help.    Besides, having hope is usually a good thing and of course you felt hope.  It is a normal feeling for someone recently out of a relationship and I don't care how dysfunctional a partner is/was... .it still hurts, but with BPD you have the FOG that clouds everything, and that can increase the hurt and the longing *and* make it that much harder to let go.

How much do you want to bet that the next time you get a call from an unrecognized number you will let it go to voicemail?  And, if you forget again, which is easy enough to do, next time have a prepared line ready.  Something like "Please stop calling me.  I do not want to discuss anything with you".  Use your own words but try to keep it pleasant and civil and say something that allows you to end the call on your terms.

Hang in there because it will get better.  

[TheBPDSurvivor]

it still hurts, but with BPD you have the FOG that clouds everything, and that can increase the hurt and the longing *and* make it that much harder to let go.

How much do you want to bet that the next time you get a call from an unrecognized number you will let it go to voicemail?  And, if you forget again, which is easy enough to do, next time have a prepared line ready.  Something like "Please stop calling me.  I do not want to discuss anything with you".  Use your own words but try to keep it pleasant and civil and say something that allows you to end the call on your terms.

^ Harri nailed it!

Its this day (Aug 19th) last year which is her birthday as well when my uBPDexgf started devaluating me. She said she's gonna change her number very soon but she hardly does what she say she'll do. After the breakup, I too was in the same boat as like you and thought I could work it out this time with a civil conversation. And that's what FOG does to us., masking the reality. After reading all these horrible stories from our members, I'm well prepared to say goodbye to her when she call me and of course she called me on May 19th this year from an unrecognized number.

She said Hello in this "trembling voice" which I believe is how she behaves right after a breakup. Breaking up with the current white knight, searching for the easiest and most supportive replacement but has the guilt to talk with us because usually the breakup is left unresolved so they don't know how to start a conversation but in a dire need for the support, dials our number and after seeing our reaction, they'll put themselves as a victim and want us to rescue but if we question about the past incidents, they'll argue with us again and put the blame on us and paint us black again.

I'm glad I answered to the call like "I'm sorry. I can't recognize your voice, I believe you dialled a wrong number. Bye"

Thats it. I got a couple of follow up calls from random numbers at midnight whom I believe are her rescuers. If she can't have what she wants, she'll do whatever to hurt us again., like she hadn't hurt us before.

Peoples with BPD are so sick. Be prepared with your words next time so you can save yourself from frustration.