having a bad day.

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

without going back into my story again. of course we have been split up for a bit again. some light contact. right before she leaves on  a vaction she has to call and tell me she thinks we need to date other people. I tell her fine and I hang up on her. I dont hear from her for a for a few days. Then I get a call today and she knows im going out of tiown myself for a few day trip to a place she always wanted me to take her. of ocurse she starts of telling me about issues she is having with her grown child and then she tells me she has been dating and thinks we should no longer be in contact. which is fine but it pissed me off that she had to do this right before my trip out of town. She then tells me I wont be hearing from her for awhile and she is sorry that she has hurt be so much but she cant be what I want her to be she has tried. Of course thsi has put me a very agitated state today. Was that her purpose cause im going on the trip she alway dreamed of us taking? or is she just tying to get under my skin. Sorry I just needed to vent.

[mitchell16]

without going back into my story again. of course we have been split up for a bit again. some light contact. right before she leaves on  a vaction she has to call and tell me she thinks we need to date other people. I tell her fine and I hang up on her. I dont hear from her for a for a few days. Then I get a call today and she knows im going out of tiown myself for a few day trip to a place she always wanted me to take her. of ocurse she starts of telling me about issues she is having with her grown child and then she tells me she has been dating and thinks we should no longer be in contact. which is fine but it pissed me off that she had to do this right before my trip out of town. She then tells me I wont be hearing from her for awhile and she is sorry that she has hurt be so much but she cant be what I want her to be she has tried. Of course thsi has put me a very agitated state today. Was that her purpose cause im going on the trip she alway dreamed of us taking? or is she just tying to get under my skin. Sorry I just needed to vent.

[Infared]

Sounds like the usual manipulation and control.    if she is off dating (and so happy - LOL-), why call up and rain on your parade. The contact was made just to hurt you before you went away. . Why else? They are so selfish and sick. You need to be headed straight toward absolute NC. Start loving you and forget her.  

Let this trip be a point of departure to your positive new life!

[elessar]

Yeah, what Infrared said.

I seriously never got it. If you want to give me bad news, that I have already guessed, or you have already told me before... .why keep repeating it to me? Like seriously! That's just so mean. As I have learned more over the years, its not mean - its manipulation.

[mitchell16]

i agree we just had that discussion about a week ago where she tld me she was going to start dating other people, I said fine and hung up on her. Thens he contact me right before she left on her vacation and we argued. I havent had contact with ehr while she was on vacation I was just letting her be. She knew i was leaving town so she contacts me today being all sweet then once again informs me that she has been dating and that I needed to start dating and she wouldnt be in contact for awhile. I todl her to never contact me again. she said fine if thats what i wanted. she said a bunch of other stuff to and that was againg before I hung up on her. So I guess she wins cause Im no longer really looking forward to this trip. I hate that I let her get under my skin and why would she want to.

[seeking balance]

I hate that I let her get under my skin and why would she want to.

You played your role brilliantly Mitchell!  Push/Pull requires 2 people... .venting is fine and serves a purpose - are you ready to change your part of the dance yet?

[Infared]

i agree we just had that discussion about a week ago where she tld me she was going to start dating other people, I said fine and hung up on her. Thens he contact me right before she left on her vacation and we argued. I havent had contact with ehr while she was on vacation I was just letting her be. She knew i was leaving town so she contacts me today being all sweet then once again informs me that she has been dating and that I needed to start dating and she wouldnt be in contact for awhile. I todl her to never contact me again. she said fine if thats what i wanted. she said a bunch of other stuff to and that was againg before I hung up on her. So I guess she wins cause Im no longer really looking forward to this trip. I hate that I let her get under my skin and why would she want to.

Mitchell... .I REALLY agree with what Seeking Balance (hmmm... interesting name... .)... .When we get healthier we learn what he shared about ourselves.  Here is something I learned in my self-help group... which really pissed me off at the time... .but once I got better I realized that it was true... .Sometimes things happen during the day (like a phone call from ex that "I" decided to answer and engage in!)... .that messes up my day... .It is part of life... .but whenever I get to a place like that (we all do... its human) I have the "choice" to recognize that I just went down a sh!tty side street and that I can make a decision to change my day and start over. I can make that choice at ANY time. I can turn the car around and get right back out there on the Happy Highway and go on my vacation  with a hopeful outlook for a new chapter in life.

Look how sick she is ... .she wants you to believe that she is out having a great time and letting you know about it so that you will hurt.

Do you want to be that person? I don't. It's nasty. Do you want to be with that person?

She is the SAME person my exBPD was... .but I kept telling myself that she was someone else... .until I did total NC... worked on me and then really "smelled the coffee" about who she truly was.  It was obvious to everyone but me.   

[mitchell16]

thank you all. I needed that. I am going on my trip and Im going to make it a point to enjoy myself. I have cant undertsand for teh life fo me why I can not go complete NC and stay. I have before and I know it got better, but then i caved in and it all started all over again. She is just quitting cigarettes you can never just smoke one if you do your right back where you started.

I have never exprienced anything liek BPD before in my life. To want to cause another person pain or grief I jsut cannot get my mind around. I guess when she contact me im hoping for some sign of a human being there but I never find one I just limp away with more pain. I shoudl ahve guess why she called today and it was just to do her best to ruin my trip that was her sole purpose.