Oop... I did it again, I got involved with another BPDgf

[Depression = 72% of members]

I was on these boards 3 years ago to deal with the break-up to my then BPDgf.

Fast forward to three months ago I checked into a treatment center for alcohol abuse and bipolar. I met this girl there, she said she wasn't sure why she was there. As a joke I asked here if she experienced any of the traits of BPD, she replied yes to all of them. Red flag right , but it seemed funny and we would joke about it. At the book shop I showed her "Stop Walking on Eggshells" and I said she should get that for her family. The new-age psychs there refused to label her as BPD, and said she just had difficulty controlling her emotion. Second red flag we had a fight and next thing she was hanging around this other guy and pretended I didn't exist.

Long story short, I dated her for a few months after, we live in different cities. Went away together, she constantly bombarded me with you don't love me as much as I love. I couldn't it anymore eventually I said we needed to break up, I started crying and she disappeared in the resort to cut herself.

I continued to stay with her after this even stayed at her parents house for a few days after this. Went back home but texted everyday with her. I missed her and was considering asking her to movie in with me. Then she started going on about the self hate and I'm drinking in the morning. Then she sent me a message "I think I'm going to kill myself", her mother gave me her number in case there was an emergency, so I texted her mom. BAM! I was split black as night. I gave it a week and tried to talk to her she said she doesn't want to know me and never cared or loved me. then blocked on all communication.Wow.

I was left reeling she was only friend, and now I feel this massive vacuum of loneliness and rejection.

To make matters worse, I put her number into my work phone (bad mistake I know), and in her whatsapp pic there her and her new beau. I now realise she had been lining my replacement up and was waiting for me to step out of line to split me black. Felt so angry and hurt, I got drunk hurled abuse and then apologise and got overly sentimental, which I repeated, and contacted the exBDFgf from three years ago, throwing away all the self-esteem I gained going NC her.

Any advice or support would be greatly appreciated.

[Dave Peters]

I was on these boards 3 years ago to deal with the break-up to my then BPDgf.

Fast forward to three months ago I checked into a treatment center for alcohol abuse and bipolar. I met this girl there, she said she wasn't sure why she was there. As a joke I asked here if she experienced any of the traits of BPD, she replied yes to all of them. Red flag right , but it seemed funny and we would joke about it. At the book shop I showed her "Stop Walking on Eggshells" and I said she should get that for her family. The new-age psychs there refused to label her as BPD, and said she just had difficulty controlling her emotion. Second red flag we had a fight and next thing she was hanging around this other guy and pretended I didn't exist.

Long story short, I dated her for a few months after, we live in different cities. Went away together, she constantly bombarded me with you don't love me as much as I love. I couldn't it anymore eventually I said we needed to break up, I started crying and she disappeared in the resort to cut herself.

I continued to stay with her after this even stayed at her parents house for a few days after this. Went back home but texted everyday with her. I missed her and was considering asking her to movie in with me. Then she started going on about the self hate and I'm drinking in the morning. Then she sent me a message "I think I'm going to kill myself", her mother gave me her number in case there was an emergency, so I texted her mom. BAM! I was split black as night. I gave it a week and tried to talk to her she said she doesn't want to know me and never cared or loved me. then blocked on all communication.Wow.

I was left reeling she was only friend, and now I feel this massive vacuum of loneliness and rejection.

To make matters worse, I put her number into my work phone (bad mistake I know), and in her whatsapp pic there her and her new beau. I now realise she had been lining my replacement up and was waiting for me to step out of line to split me black. Felt so angry and hurt, I got drunk hurled abuse and then apologise and got overly sentimental, which I repeated, and contacted the exBDFgf from three years ago, throwing away all the self-esteem I gained going NC her.

Any advice or support would be greatly appreciated.

[Recooperating]

Damn Dave, im so sorry to read your story!

First thing you need to do is take care of YOU! How is your drinking now? Dont get hooked please! No one on this earth is worth medicating yourself over! No one on this earth is worth sacrificing your own health! You were on the right track to making your life better! Get back on track, dont worry about slipping up now, focus on the future... .Dust yourself off and try again! You can do it!

As far as the women... .Forget them! Focus on you! Dont beat yourself up over it: just tink about the famous quote: "I didnt text you, vodka did!"

Best advice I can give you: try to stay stable (due to your bipolar), try to stay clean for a good amount of time. Stay away from drama and women, they can only cause drama for you. Are you seeing a T.? If not, find one! Work on your selfasteem so you will feel worthy and you wont attract these women in your life in the future! Surround yourself with stable friends and family and just focus on you! You have enough on your plate, dont take on anyone elses crap!

Hope I wasnt to harsh! Get well first!

[Dave Peters]

Thanks for the reply Recooperating. I have the drinking pretty much under control, I take antabuse. I think it was seeing the whatsapp pic of my exBPDgf with her new BF that triggered a 3 day binge. I know I can't drink I just end up humiliating myself. I so desperately crave external validation. I know need to build up my self esteem, and idealisation from a pwBWD is such an appealing addictive quick fix, of course when you're inevitably split black you're sent into a toxic spiral of loss of self worth.

I knew it was a bad idea to get involved with her from the start, due to the last borderline I dated, but I've been so lonely for the last three years that I was willing to take the risk.

The one thing I can't understand is why did I get split black for telling her my mother she was threatening suicide? I know it was all an attention ploy on her side. I was talking about my problems and she wanted the focus back on her. I think she thought I was conspiring with her mother against her. I think he was also paranoid there was some sort of attraction/relationship going on between her mother and me as we're closer in age then I am to her.