GF Violating RO After DV, Won't Leave My Apartment

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Hello all... .Im 2 years with a BPD ,off and on of course , Im at the point where i cant take anymore ,i was free for the last 4 months except for a few days here and there ,where she would comeback around to make sure ,she still had her spell over me .but i have let her back into my life again and of course it has become total chaos .within 4 days of her returning she was arrested for D\V on me ... i took out a restraining order and a judge put a n/c order on her /but she bonded her own self out and of course came to my place of employment , the one place i wont involve the police ... .bottom line is she is in my apt she hasnt left the house or bed in one week ,she is in one of those very down periods .all she does is drink. i need to get her out ,i want the life i have restarted when i had those 4 months back. we all know i just cant kick her out ,that will just create a 911 call .help what do i do.      

[beachbumhappy]

Hello all... .Im 2 years with a BPD ,off and on of course , Im at the point where i cant take anymore ,i was free for the last 4 months except for a few days here and there ,where she would comeback around to make sure ,she still had her spell over me .but i have let her back into my life again and of course it has become total chaos .within 4 days of her returning she was arrested for D\V on me ... i took out a restraining order and a judge put a n/c order on her /but she bonded her own self out and of course came to my place of employment , the one place i wont involve the police ... .bottom line is she is in my apt she hasnt left the house or bed in one week ,she is in one of those very down periods .all she does is drink. i need to get her out ,i want the life i have restarted when i had those 4 months back. we all know i just cant kick her out ,that will just create a 911 call .help what do i do.      

[Hurricanes]

I feel your pain and had allowed that with my ex.  Bottom line it never gets better.  It could end up with someone seriously getting hurt in the end.  Trust me, I've been there.  Sometimes it takes them hitting rock bottom in order for them to get the help that they need.  It may or may not work out for them.  You need to take care of yourself.  I wish you well and the best of luck.  Take care

[catnap]

Talk to someone at your local police department about your situation.  Is she on the lease?  With an RO, I do not know if that matters, but if only your name on the lease, it might make matters more simple.  Ask them if based on the RO they could come and take her to the hospital for evaluation.  You are concerned because all she does is drink and stay in bed.  You do not want her to come back.  Get the locks re-keyed if she has a key. 

If she knows she can show up at your work and you won't call the police, you need to talk with a supervisor or your boss to work out some sort of solution. 

When is her court date for the DV charge? 

[momtara]

If you have a RO against her, and you invite her into your apt, you are the one removing the restraints... .

[Matt]

Yeah, I think you need to sit down with the police and tell them everything.  Admit you made a mistake by letting her into your home.  Ask them to help get her out of your home and away from your work.

If that doesn't work, can you ask her out to lunch or something - anything to get her out of the apartment - and then go home and lock the doors, and call the police if she tries to get back in?

Does she have a key to the apartment?  You might have to get the locks changed.

[momtara]

hmmm, never even heard of that.  the things attorneys don't tell  you!  lucky you had a good one.

[Hurricanes]

OFP= order of protection (could get it up to 5 years initially vs a year that needs to be renewed every year)

[Matt]

I think it's different in different places.  Where I live, it's called an Order Of Protection and I think that's the only option - no "Restraining Order" or "Protective Order".

Your lawyer should know, or you could call the courthouse or the police, or maybe find out online.

[ForeverDad]

Doesn't your restraining order instruct her not to come within XXX feet of your work or residence?

Generally your work and residence are always listed in a basic RO.  I understand you not wanting a scene at work, but your residence is another matter.  If not included, then what does your restraining order restrain her from doing?


It is best to enforce an RO, not spitefully, but to enable the order to do what it is meant to do.  Otherwise, you will be weakening the order, perhaps even invalidating it.

[Matt]

Realize, however, that if it there is a violation and she is arrested, there is not much you can do to stop the prosecution--the state takes over, not you.  

Super-important point!

This is one of the things that surprised me when I got a little real-world experience with the law, because it's different from what's shown on TV and in the movies.  They say, "The victim decided not to press charges.", as if the victim gets to decide if the person is prosecuted or not.  But where I live - and I think it's probably the same other places too - once the police get involved, they and the prosecutor decide what to do with the case.  Even if the victim says, "I changed my mind - he didn't do anything wrong and I won't testify against him", that probably won't matter - they will have the original statement on the record and they will move forward anyway.

One of many things that are always shown one way on TV, and are completely different in real life... .