Most embarassing public moments...

[Huh?]

Ive been pretty lonely lately.  It was a nice day today so I got out the house and decided to go running at the lake we used to run at together.  Today was the first time I ran there since the split with my uBPD waif ex fiance.  I love running there.

It was strange.  Surreal.  I missed her.  Its only about a 3 1/2 mile course around the lake, so not very far.  As I got about 2.5 miles into the run I started to remember one of the last times we were there together.  We were almost done with the run, she was in front of me.  I liked for her to be in front of me, since its a pretty urban area and I like to have my eye on her just in case anything happens.

Anyway, we were running and all of a sudden she stopped.  She started crying hysterically.  I stopped, asking her what was wrong.  She was crying so loud, telling me to keep running and not worry about her.  I told her I wouldnt leave her, asked her what she was feeling.  Her only answer was, "I dont know... .I dont know... .it hurts so bad.  Im scared!"

She started to yell at me and walk away.  I felt so helpless.  She was about 20 feet away in front of me at this point, crying.  I had absolutely no idea what to do, so I just followed her... .hoping we could make it back to the car.  People were staring at me as they passed the opposite direction.  It seemed like EVERYBODY was staring at me.  I felt like they thought I did something to her or something!  

A few minutes later, as we neared the car she started to feel better.  We got in the car and she was fine.  She was hungry, so I took her have a light dinner.  Over dinner, I asked her what she thought she had happened.  She said, "I dont know, it was scary" and then went back to casually eating her salad. WTH just happened?

   

So yeah, that was weird.  And that was my life.  I hate that I miss that.  The only thing I can think of, was that she really never could run more than 2 miles every time wed run together somewhere... .usually at a track.   I guess this was the BPD way of saying, "I think I need to stop for a break" ?   

[fromheeltoheal]

I hate that I miss that.

  I miss that kind of thing too, only because it's always exciting, never boring, definitely feels like being fully alive.  Stress usually does.

My ex would rage in a heartbeat, regardless of where we were.  The first few times she did it in crowded restaurants I was embarrassed, with everyone looking at us.  Then I tried to 'modify' her behavior by asking her to have some class, that didn't go over well, so eventually I stopped trying to predict it and when it happened I'd just look at other people and shrug, like maybe I had taken a patient out on a day pass from the mental ward.  Ridiculous.

[Pieter2]

Halo Huh?

Yes dude, I totally relate. 100% - I was exactly in the same place. So here are my thoughts.

1. You say that logically you are on the up. Totally! I had the same logic and it is true. It'll take time to make sense of it all. At least you are sound of mind in that you know you are on the up and you also know that you should not wreck her life as that would make her the victim again. That is very positive. You realise that you should be out and this is good.

2. Her lies, cheating etc. says something about HER, not YOU! You will be angry. Hell, I was too. But then, over time, you realise that it's not you and you'll start feeling better. You wouldn't tell a buddy of yours to feel bad if his woman cheated on him, would you? So give yourself the same advice.

3. Realise this now : She won't change. Trust me. She'll be the same with the new guy - Over and over again. You got out. Be glad. Take a spreadsheet and write down every negative thing she said to you and note every fight you had. When you look at the evidence you'll be happy you got out, not angry.

4. Go to the gym - I'm in the best shape I've ever been, don't stop.

5. Lastly, you want revenge. OK. You can get it. Here's how: Do the right thing! They hate abandonment and they want to be the victim. So, No Contact that bitvh and do it now. NO MORE CONTACT. Serve that abandonment up buddy. Ice cold. Secondly, be nice to everyone. Go out, make friends, appreciate your old friends etc. etc. Go and enjoy yourself without this leech.

Good luck dude. You'll get there.

[Jb101]

I can think of a few classic moments.

After seeing each other for a couple of months we were out to dinner. Had just ordered an expensive meal and a bottle of wine and started talking about kids. I asked if she'd ever thought about it much etc. Next thing I get a torrent of abuse in front of everybody, and then she storms out. Everybody staring at me like I must have done something awful... .I was in shock, wondering what happened and why she was suddenly upset. I went outside looking for her and walked around the building looking for her, couldn't find her. Wouldn't answer the phone... .So I went back in paid up a couple of hundred for the dinner and was about to head home. As I'm walking down the street she sees me... .

"How dare you ask that? You've always said you don't want kids, you can't bring that up now!" Asked what she meant, as I'd never said anything of the sort... Should have been a massive  red flag right there, but went home with her trying to calm her down. At one point she says "don't you see this was never going anywhere because I want kids and you don't?" I replied that it was probably a good thing that we were talking about it so she knew that wasn't the case... she didn't seem to see it that way and in retrospect... another big red flag!

Or storming off at a casino and making a huge scene... .I'd just won a big hand of cards and was laughing and said something like thank you very much (some girl who was the croupiers name, I can't remember)... When I found her she accused me of trying to flirt with the croupier and have an affair! This while we were on holiday cruise together!

[Forestaken]

Lots of those moments after 24 years of marriage:

Freaking out at highway rest stop for no reason

Wanting to sleep in a Disney hotel parking lot rather than the room

Wearing high heels at a picnic

Worse: Screaming at me plant pizza WDW's Hollywood studios park.  Reason I didn't warn her in time, and she got her shoes wet stepping in a puddle,

[RedDove]

Oh my, yes, mine was at a Verizon Store back in mid-May on a Saturday afternoon. I wanted to get the new iPhone and my ex BPDbf's cell phone was on the fritz. He couldn't delete text messages and that prevented him from sending any. Talk about withdrawal from his suppliers!

The Sales Gal took him first. He explained he had bought his cell a few weeks back at Walmart. The Sales Gal said, sorry, but you didn't buy it from Verizon so there's really nothing we can do. The phone you have has a glitch, you don't have a lot of memory and have to delete messages after you send them. He proceeded to rage, raised his voice yelling at the poor gal. Everyone in the store was looking at us, like "crazy" person in Aisle one! I stepped away. But then felt badly for the Sales Gal so I walked back over, rubbed his back and put my arm around him to calm him down.

The Sales Gal played with his phone, said, let me show you how to fix it... .is it okay if I delete the texts from "J=woman's name"? I never heard of anyone named J! Another red flag. He then continued to get louder and yelled at the Sales Gal. He was very unhappy and was not going to deal with a phone that in his words "freaked out". So the Sales Gal called Verizon Corporate and got them to authorize a deal for him to buy a new iPhone. Likely just to get him out of the store!

I dropped him at his house and left. A week later I was at his house and asked who "J" was. I started to put the pieces together and found out later he was on an online dating site with a "hidden" profile. He had been cheating on me with multiple OW. And get this, I discovered (much later) he had gone on a date with one of the women that very same Saturday night after we had bought our phones together. He was also at my house the next day, Sunday (day after his date), we had wine, cuddled on my couch and he told me I was the love of his life and he couldn't imagine his life without me. I confronted him about the lies and cheating, ended it, and went NC a week later.