Heaven being away for a few days. Now back to Hell.

[michel71]

I am really dreading going back home. Back to the walking on egg shells and never knowing when the next argument will ensue. Back to the sad state of affairs. Back to her coolness. Back to the lack of connection and mistrust. Back to feeling her love me less.

Being away these 5 days has allowed me to de-stress. Not being in the same space with her has allowed me to breath. Sure I have talked to her on the phone but the calls were brief and consisted of her (no surprise) giving me the run down on all things HER. And my mind tunes out. My eyes glaze over. As usual.

I have fantasized just staying here or even coming back for a month should I get home and the relationship finally takes its last breath.

I feel like I am returning home to servitude in the enemy camp. Her personal banker back in town, wallet open. What more can I do for you dear? How much more do you want to drain me dry? Oh, would you like to see more doctors for your phantom illnesses? No, really, I think its a good idea that you go to several specialists, after all its only 20% that we have to pay. Don't worry sweetheart about going out of network. I know it was too much of a burden to check beforehand.

Hell.

Hell.

Hell.

And I don't have the guts yet to leave a woman who could care less about me, my bottom line, my needs, my feelings and my health.

What is it going to take for me to save myself?

[enlighten me]

You need to realise that you are being abused.

Anyone who avoids somewhere because of fear needs to look at what is really happening.

If it was a child who stays on after school to avoid going home you would have major concerns. Just because your an adult doesn't mean you can ignore this.

[michel71]

You are right Enlighten. I guess I lose site of that. It is abuse. I don't want to believe it. I don't want to believe that the woman who told me that she would protect my heart is doing this to me. I like your analogy to a child not wanting to go home after school.

[enlighten me]

It was a bitter pill for me to swallow aswell but once I left I realised what an abusive relationship it was that I had been in.

[Chasing_Ghosts]

It was a bitter pill for me to swallow aswell but once I left I realised what an abusive relationship it was that I had been in.

Finally woke up to that today and i swallowed the pill. I almost choked but it went down... Now im ready to be loved for real someday. Learn to love myself more too. 

We all deserve that dont you think michel71?