5 months out of my relationship, HUGE positives but still Lonely...

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Hi All!    

Well I havent been on here for a few months and I have mixed reviews and a question at the end for those of you that have been away from your ex too... .

The relationship brought up so much from my past as well... .I'm actually in therapy finally for it for the long haul... .

I almost wish that the relationship never happened, but in a way it was the best thing that could have happened.

My codependency issues without such a major shake up would have gone unnoticed and I would have probably been much older when I realized it... .

there have been quite a few positves form my recovery:

1. more confidence from facing my issues from childhood

2. much more awareness of what I will be looking for when I am ready to have a new mate

3. Seeing that my codependence kept me in a cycle of realtionships that werent all that bad but I was always neglecting my wants and needs and focusing 80% on my GF's

4. for the first time in my life when I walk into a room I know I belong there, all eye contact, I feel so at ease with most others (still working on this  a little

5. Getting to the point I broke my addiiction to my BPDGF and I am not angry was a big step, for so long I felt if only I could do something different, etc.

6. Knowing that disordered people are just that, dispordered... .not in order... .and Im not gonna save/fix, etc... .no matter how bad I need their love to fill my holes... .not gonna happen...

7. In therapy learned about where my boundaries were weak or non existent... .this was a HUGE one!


I'm sure there is lots more but those are a few... .

Is anyone else experiencing the feeling that you have to completely start over your life? Like I'm not the same person as before this relationship and its confusing... .exciting and hard... .but there is a lot of loneliness to be honest... .:/ Anyone else just feel like they are starting almost from scratch?

At least I know the loneliness isnt from missing her... .! which is a huge realization

Anyway thanks for reading... .

Regards,

Nick

[Boisnix79]

Hi All!    

Well I havent been on here for a few months and I have mixed reviews and a question at the end for those of you that have been away from your ex too... .

The relationship brought up so much from my past as well... .I'm actually in therapy finally for it for the long haul... .

I almost wish that the relationship never happened, but in a way it was the best thing that could have happened.

My codependency issues without such a major shake up would have gone unnoticed and I would have probably been much older when I realized it... .

there have been quite a few positves form my recovery:

1. more confidence from facing my issues from childhood

2. much more awareness of what I will be looking for when I am ready to have a new mate

3. Seeing that my codependence kept me in a cycle of realtionships that werent all that bad but I was always neglecting my wants and needs and focusing 80% on my GF's

4. for the first time in my life when I walk into a room I know I belong there, all eye contact, I feel so at ease with most others (still working on this  a little

5. Getting to the point I broke my addiiction to my BPDGF and I am not angry was a big step, for so long I felt if only I could do something different, etc.

6. Knowing that disordered people are just that, dispordered... .not in order... .and Im not gonna save/fix, etc... .no matter how bad I need their love to fill my holes... .not gonna happen...

7. In therapy learned about where my boundaries were weak or non existent... .this was a HUGE one!


I'm sure there is lots more but those are a few... .

Is anyone else experiencing the feeling that you have to completely start over your life? Like I'm not the same person as before this relationship and its confusing... .exciting and hard... .but there is a lot of loneliness to be honest... .:/ Anyone else just feel like they are starting almost from scratch?

At least I know the loneliness isnt from missing her... .! which is a huge realization

Anyway thanks for reading... .

Regards,

Nick

[willtimeheal]

Hi Nick.  I have learned a lot about myself and I am finally starting to put together the life I want for myself. But it is lonely at times. I am a completely different person today than I was when the relationship started. Better in some ways but also more cautious and hardened in other ways... .if that makes sense.

I am finally starting to accept who I am. And I truly like who I am and who I am becoming. But it is a long road and it gets very lonely at times. If I had the chance to do it over, I wouldn't. Hang in there.

[SC91]

Me same. I have co dependency issues as well and knew it long ago before meeting my ex. That was why I kept telling my ex I wasnt ready settle down on long commitment and lets take things easy. Why? Becos I sense some vibes not quite right with her on our second meeting that led me to think this person might not be suitable for me in the long term. But as everyone knows BPD idealisation phrase was so strong we lived together after one week. We shared our thoughts, talk everything from childhood experiences, politics, philosophy, Buddhism, etc etc. first time in my life to share so many worldviews with someone.

Hey but yes, I also at the same time put my emotional wall up. I basically share all my intelligent thoughts and yes we were soulmate on the intelligent level, but I never really touch deep on love emotions.

But why the he*l it is take few years to recover. Partly becos of her drama acts, the shock, and my obsession of trying to figure things out. Partly becos I was lonely and have co dependency issues. Partly and most importantly becos I feel some guilt (yes i felt guilt becos i hold back my love emotions while we were together while she seem to be whole heartedly devoted); I also have much compassion for her til now. This is not exactly becos of what she is, its more about myself, I have compassion by nature and esp to someone who used to be so close and my ex.

Yes, I am lonely, although less now than straight after the break up. How would you not feel lonely when you used to have so many connections with a person. I echo your loneness and wish you out of this status sooner than I do.