i am scared and i felt terrible after i explore some messages

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

hello, first of all, sorry for my english its not my fist language.

now, he is sleeping like nothing happens. my dBPDbf, we are at same home for a vacation like a week. i broke up (he left) before and then apologized.  he said he didnt see anybody else when we were not together but last night i found some messages.

he spoke with a girl at the same day we decided we are lovers anymore. they met and bla bla bla. i am so angry right now so i cant explain myself clearly. i asked about that girl before we got back together and he refused all about her. and i explore these messages after i discovered i lost my virginity with him.

i found too many messages to another girls too, not just her. there are poems, love words and stuff. and he can explain about this messages like a child, they are just clear lies.

i am alone right now and this is my home. my family and my friends are far away. so i am scared to left him because when we had a fight about this last night, he was about to go crazy and he went balcony and acting very frightening. he said i love you and i wasnt good back then. he said dont do this to us and please dont be upset anymore. he lies and lies and lies. and now he is sleeping becide me. thank god he doesnt know any english.

he said before me there is anybody else and his last relationship like a year ago. but i found another message, that was a poem about leaving. and this message sended somebody after 2 days later we dated.

damn! i feel terrible, i feel scared after last night and i dont know what to do! there is still ten days or more we are together. sorry for my english i cant think clearly even on my language. i dont want to kiss him when he is awake, i dont want to make him crazy, i dont want to be alone for ten days if i left him. i need help. and damn me, i still want to believe him, i ___ing love him. i feel stupid ! and i have posttraumatic stress disorder and my mind ___ed up. i am confused. he says  didnt cheat on you, and my traumatic mind wants to believe him, i could forget everything but i dont wanna do. same day, i lost my virginity with him, i found that messages. hello to another trauma  damn... .

[ilmatar]

hello, first of all, sorry for my english its not my fist language.

now, he is sleeping like nothing happens. my dBPDbf, we are at same home for a vacation like a week. i broke up (he left) before and then apologized.  he said he didnt see anybody else when we were not together but last night i found some messages.

he spoke with a girl at the same day we decided we are lovers anymore. they met and bla bla bla. i am so angry right now so i cant explain myself clearly. i asked about that girl before we got back together and he refused all about her. and i explore these messages after i discovered i lost my virginity with him.

i found too many messages to another girls too, not just her. there are poems, love words and stuff. and he can explain about this messages like a child, they are just clear lies.

i am alone right now and this is my home. my family and my friends are far away. so i am scared to left him because when we had a fight about this last night, he was about to go crazy and he went balcony and acting very frightening. he said i love you and i wasnt good back then. he said dont do this to us and please dont be upset anymore. he lies and lies and lies. and now he is sleeping becide me. thank god he doesnt know any english.

he said before me there is anybody else and his last relationship like a year ago. but i found another message, that was a poem about leaving. and this message sended somebody after 2 days later we dated.

damn! i feel terrible, i feel scared after last night and i dont know what to do! there is still ten days or more we are together. sorry for my english i cant think clearly even on my language. i dont want to kiss him when he is awake, i dont want to make him crazy, i dont want to be alone for ten days if i left him. i need help. and damn me, i still want to believe him, i ___ing love him. i feel stupid ! and i have posttraumatic stress disorder and my mind ___ed up. i am confused. he says  didnt cheat on you, and my traumatic mind wants to believe him, i could forget everything but i dont wanna do. same day, i lost my virginity with him, i found that messages. hello to another trauma  damn... .

[Lolster]

Hi ilmatar,

Sorry you have found yourself in this situation, my heart goes out to you.   

Do you worry that he could become physically violent if you reveal what you know?

If I were you and had no way of getting home before the end of the holiday then I'd probably pretend to be ill.  No doubt you do feel emotionally ill after what you have discovered.

[Infern0]

If your personal safety is in jeapordy contact the police immediately

[Lolster]

If your personal safety is in jeapordy contact the police immediately

Worth a try if there is an imminent threat of danger.  But this reads to me as her thinking there'll be a blow out IF she confronts the BPD with what she knows.

My experience is that the police will not act where a violation hasn't already occurred.

You do have to ask yourself what you think the outcome will be if you contact the police and say "Hey, I read my partners phone messages, he's such a liar, can you book me a flight home?"  I know it's not this straight forward, but my guess is this is how the police may view it.

EDIT:  I first read this like Ilmatar was away on holiday with the BPD, but having re read it sounds more like her family are away and she is at home with the BPD and doesn't want to break up with him before her family/friends are around to support her?  In which case it IS your home, you have a right to not have him there, so can either ask him to leave and ask the police to back you up if he refuses, or play it out until your family are home to support you.  I have been in this position, before asking him to leave make sure your phone is somewhere you can access it, put it on silent, hide it in a bathroom cabinet for example, so you can pretend to go to the toilet, lock the door, pick up phone and dial emergency services.  I say this from experience of having my phone snatched out my hand and hurled at walls/stamped on/landlines ripped out of the socket and smashed to stop me from making those calls.  If you have a car you can keep it in the glove compartment, lock yourself in the car and access it.