do they ever go back to just being civilized to you?

[Infern0]

Mine can be relatively civilized to those she isn't close to.  Because we work in the same company we may have to encounter each other at certain company functions etc.

Right now she alternates between attempting to breech nc to tell me off to then acting like I don't exist and she's never heard my name. All very childish.

I'm just wondering if she insists on hanging around, will she ever be able to treat me just like people who are not close to her i.e civilized,  like even after a year or more of nc if we bump into each other will she have got over it or forgotten most of it or is this it for life now?

[fred6]

Mine's kind of like that. She is friendly and nice to most people but then talks crap about them behind their back. We still live together for the time being and most of the time she ignores me like I don't exist or is indifferent. Once or twice a week, she actually acts kind of nice for an hour or so. But If I try to talk to her about anything relating to "us", well lets just say I wind up getting emotional. Not sure what's going to happen when I leave. She'll probably just put me on the list of prior "guy" she was with. I think that I'm going to have the problem with NC, because once I leave I'll probably just be forgotten about.

[Infern0]

I don't care if I'm forgotten about,  I've reached the point where I know there isn't any hope whatsoever.  The battle royal I've had to fight at work over this has burned out any hope I had left. This situation has been way too damaging.

As I say she is consistently breeching NC even to just communicate that she has "forgotten" about me. I've wised up to her tactics and her spell is broken. I actually predicted the exact tactics she would use yesterday and she was as predictable as clockwork. She can't game me anymore as I know her playbook inside and out.  I know the next thing I get will be begging and guilt tripping. Already prepped for it.

The only thing is I don't want her causing awkwardness at these functions. So I just wonder if she will ever give up.

I wouldn't have NC her if she could act civilized but the raging text she sent me followed by asking a few hours later why I hadn't replied just confirmed to me that she's broken beyond repair. It also killed off the last remnants of my "concern" for her. She's on her own now.

I still have love for her and wish her the best but there's nothing I can do for her and nc is better for her as well as me at this stage. It's the best I can do.

[Loveofhislife]

For what it's worth; I have continued to work well and collaboratively (after the fall out) with a number of NPD's. I differentiated them yesterday in a thread by saying (in my experience); they are strategic and surgical, and pragmatic, ":)on't throw out the baby with the bath water." My exbfBPD, since he can't even communicate with me (splitting)? I seriously doubt an ability to be civilized. I've seen the way he treats his exes. When he cuts someone off, you are excommunicated permanently. He has not spoken with an adult daughter, his two brothers, his father (and probably many others) in years. That's how he deals with those who he splits black. If the NPD's find a suitable function for you (after the fall) I have found you can continue a collegial relationship.

[enlighten me]

My uBPDexw and I spent 2 days together with our sons during summer. She is remarried and has a daughter with her new husband. She also brought along her step daughter. We were civil and chatted the whole time. She even discussed her husbands moodiness and other behaviours (didn't have the heart to tell her that he was probably moody because of her behaviour).

I had been painted white again but wasn't falling for it. As long as Im civil with her then Im sure it will continue to be amicable.

As for my uBPDexgf She tries to be civil but something will always trigger her. She ends up on a rant, then comes the tears, then back to normal discussions. Maybe one day her attitude towards me will change but she is a lot further up the BPD ladder than my ex wife.

[Bak86]

I work with my ex. She's being civil yes. But i can recognize her painting black/white behavior. It's subtle, so other people don't really notice it.