ExBPD is relapsing..think she hit rock bottom

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

My exBPDgf was a recovering heroin addict whos been sober for a little over a year. She texted me this morning about trying to find opiates... I ignored her after this for a while but after hours the texts kept coming so i caved. She was talking about only being able to find heroin and that she needed my help to find pain killers instead. I told her no of course as i care and dont want her to fall into addiction. Also that she was trying to mask more than physical pain of work(the emotional pain she suffers) and not being able sleep.(night terrors from childhood trauma) Of course after this she doesnt respond because i think i triggered her.(She sure did me!)

Anyways whats the deal why turn to me when she knows how against that i am.(told her that if she ever got back into that id break up with her it was me or the addiction) Also im struggling on deciding to let her mother know/show her the texts.(She told me she wanted to keep shooting up over and over and doesnt care anymore.) I had an anxiety/panic attack earlier and have been sick to my stomach all day. Is this just a cry for attention or an actual cry for help?

[Chasing_Ghosts]

My exBPDgf was a recovering heroin addict whos been sober for a little over a year. She texted me this morning about trying to find opiates... I ignored her after this for a while but after hours the texts kept coming so i caved. She was talking about only being able to find heroin and that she needed my help to find pain killers instead. I told her no of course as i care and dont want her to fall into addiction. Also that she was trying to mask more than physical pain of work(the emotional pain she suffers) and not being able sleep.(night terrors from childhood trauma) Of course after this she doesnt respond because i think i triggered her.(She sure did me!)

Anyways whats the deal why turn to me when she knows how against that i am.(told her that if she ever got back into that id break up with her it was me or the addiction) Also im struggling on deciding to let her mother know/show her the texts.(She told me she wanted to keep shooting up over and over and doesnt care anymore.) I had an anxiety/panic attack earlier and have been sick to my stomach all day. Is this just a cry for attention or an actual cry for help?

[enlighten me]

Yes it probably is a cry for help. The reason she turned to you is that she probably thinks that you can help her. Not by getting opiates as she knows how against that you are but help her through the pain she is going through.

Your in a very difficult position which I do not envy you for being in. To let someone you care about destroy themselves or to try and help them and possibly get dragged down with them.

If you decide to try and help her you need to have solid boundaries and an action plan of how you can help. Whether its helping her into therapy and supporting her through it or involving her family.

I wish you luck.

[willtimeheal]

Hard to say what it is. Mine just relapsed and started drinking again. They involve us because they know we will respond and they know we care. But there comes a time when you have to take care of yourself. Tell her mother about the texts and then wash your hands of it. It sounds harsh but if you stay in that world you will never heal and move on.  

[Chasing_Ghosts]

Yes it probably is a cry for help. The reason she turned to you is that she probably thinks that you can help her. Not by getting opiates as she knows how against that you are but help her through the pain she is going through.

So why does she refuse to talk to me when i ask whats wrong? Why did she go silent when i was trying to to help?

If you were in this situation enlighten me what would you do?

[enlighten me]

Why do they do anything? Most likely that its fear. Or maybe the fact that you responded was all she was after. Needing reassurance that you where still there.

Its hard to say what I would do in your situation. You know her I don't. I know what I would do if it was my exs but it wouldn't be right for me to advise you as your circumstances will be different to mine. Only you can judge how serious she is about it, who would be the best person to help, who she might listen to etc etc.

[Chasing_Ghosts]

I want to go over there tonite and show her mother the texts explain to her how sick her daughter my ex is atm and stress her need for help. Im just afraid it will turn into a scene and she will lash out/ make me look crazy before i can show her mom. Also im afarid she will hate me more than anything... paint me blacker than black and not trust me to confide in as she will feel like i went behind her back. Im really torn i want to help her but i dont want to lose her trust either.

[caughtnreleased]

Is there not an addiction centre, or some kind of social services you can refer her to?  If she really wants help, I would suggest that you direct her toward professionals who are equipped to do this.  Whether she actually goes will be indicative of what her real intentions are: if she goes, it's because she wants to get better. If she doesn't... .then she's not willing to take the necessary steps to truly get help.

[Take2]

Chasing Ghosts... . you can't do this for her... .unfortunately, it's a road she must travel on her own.  She needs to want to get better.  With her addiction.  With her mental illness.  

My heart breaks for you right now.  I know you must be feeling such intense pain and distress over this.  I would too.  I can't say I would follow my own advice because I tend to become overwhelmed with emotions about certain situations... . but when I can be objective of other situations, I can see it for what it is... .  I wish you could do whatever it takes to help her and not lose her further... . no matter what you do, she will paint you black.  You MUST take the focus off of her.  She found the reassurance she needed by reaching out to you.  Now she is ignoring you as you try to ask her what's wrong... . she knows you are there, she knows you are now totally obsessed with her situation... . even though I know it's SO hard... .please try and realize you really can't do this for her... . 

[AG]

I want to go over there tonite and show her mother the texts explain to her how sick her daughter my ex is atm and stress her need for help. Im just afraid it will turn into a scene and she will lash out/ make me look crazy before i can show her mom. Also im afarid she will hate me more than anything... paint me blacker than black and not trust me to confide in as she will feel like i went behind her back. Im really torn i want to help her but i dont want to lose her trust either.

The drug thing didnt happen to me but my ex left me a fake suicide text which at the time i thought was real. I contacted her back and asked her if she can hang on until I get there or should I call the cops for immediate assistance. She said she can wait but needs my help. Mind you I live in NY and was at a party for the first time in a while and was trying to recover from the trauma of her. She lives in Jersey. I was supposed to go out for holloween the next couple of days from then and ended up spending my last two hundred on this bogus ordeal of attention. I got there yay me to the rescue and she calmed down I took the next day off from work. Got her groceries for her because she claimed she lacked the energy and was that depresssed. When I left to go back to NY instead of texting back she kept responding to email. I was like what the heck why do u keep responding thru email instead of my text. Guess what she blocked me on her phone probably to hide my number from some dude. The next day she was out partying and in some pics with some dude. So I got f**** over on the money I was going to use to go out on holloween so she could not only get some attention and sex from me and also go out for holoween with some dude. I confrontrd her and was pissed to say the least once i discovered what happened.


Later that week I second guessed myself and said well what if she was really serious with the suicide gesture. I said to myself ___ it just tell her father and wash your hands with her forever just in case. I called him and told him. She was upset of course but who cares. Go tell her mom and wash your hands of her. Maybe she is serious and needs help or maybe she is not. Either way drop that ish on the family and be ghost and save yourself.

[AG]

To add to what I just wrote I recycled again and tried to help again later on around january. After that incident with the fake suicide I changed my number and removed any possible contact she could have with me. She showed up at my door at 2 am and my dumb ass let her in. She ended up hospitalized again and again and again amd i supported her through the whole ordeal once again. She then ran like a coward and my mind shattered the worst its ever shattered it was almost like it was one time too many. The last time i saw her was in march of this year. It is extremely hard to piece my mind back together this time. Trust me there is a such thing as one time too many. Drop it on her family and save yourself. They do not care what destruction they cause brother. Save yourself!

[Chasing_Ghosts]

Thanks for all your responses it mean alot as i find my way through this dark place.

Is there not an addiction centre, or some kind of social services you can refer her to? 

Unfortunately shes been to the one here it offers free counseling its called the crisis centre and part of her living with me meant she had to go to counseling. She just blamed the counselor skipped the meds and didnt even try.

Now she is ignoring you as you try to ask her what's wrong... .  she knows you are there, she knows you are now totally obsessed with her situation... .   

Ive been feeling this vibe alot more this time around. It wasnt like the first breakup. She apologized if she didnt respond and at least texted me back at some point. She left me alone for two months after i went NC. Now she knows she has me and doesnt even try. She contacts me at least once a week since NC...

She then ran like a coward and my mind shattered the worst its ever shattered it was almost like it was one time too many. The last time i saw her was in march of this year. It is extremely hard to piece my mind back together this time.

This is basically what happened with this last recycle i couldnt quite figure out what felt different but its definitely my sanity the more i think about it. She triggers me more easily this time and the pain is way more intense. Im to the point that i disassociate in some these moments i experience the PTSD she has left in her wake . Like vertigo almost.

Tell her mother about the texts and then wash your hands of it. It sounds harsh but if you stay in that world you will never heal and move on. 

Your completely right and i think its whats best as i cant heal a wound with salt being rubbed in it. The madness must stop for me to move on. I will do what needs to be done and walk away.

To add to what I just wrote I recycled again and tried to help again later on around january. After that incident with the fake suicide I changed my number and removed any possible contact she could have with me. She showed up at my door at 2 am and my dumb ass let her in.

This is what i worry about even if i walk away and build a barricade she will still try to scale the defenses...

[Chasing_Ghosts]

Honestly i fear the most as i have for months now more than ever having to go to her funeral... my first love... my best friend... the girl who i gave my virginity... with that my heart and soul. I don't know how i could handle such loss on top of all of this loss i already feel. I know i shouldn't borrow evil from tomorrow but with her ive learned to expect the worse. The idea of it all is too much to bare sometimes. I thought the weight of the burden of her addiction and issues would lessen with her not directly a part of my life. But somehow indirectly her actions have caused it tonite to feel heavier than ever before... I hope this soon too shall pass.

[Take2]

((Hugs))... .  I'm so sorry you're going thru dark times... .  it will get better. ...

Time and distance. ... .