exBPD allready in serious RS, 2 months after dumping me

[NorthLight]

yeh the title says it all... we went from honeymoon, to suddenly over-night dump (out of the blue),

from "your my soulmate / life / future husband / future father of our kids... .lets have kids, lets get married)

to "i woke up and realize i don't care about you or love you anymore - plz forget me, and never contact me again - i need to take care of myself, i just can't date anyone right now , i need to be alone"

I blocked her on Facebook. Felt better last few weeks, after 2 months of so serious depression that i was thinking of how long more can i handle living life. Now i unblocked her, saw she was already in a new RS. Raged, cried, almost fainted, and pretty much got the worst pain in my hearth since she dumped me. Gonna reblock her.

Just feel so used, so empty, so worthless, and to think that i gave her EVERYTHING for 2yrs, and now i have had the worst 2 months of my life, she has already found a replacement and actually Facebook RS him. wow. just wow.

i went from missing her, to pure hate. i hate how she has caused more pain in my hearth, and my look at life, than anyone else has ever been close to doing. When i was only good to her. Do i deserve this... .i don't get it.

Just posting because my friends/family is sick of hearing about her, and i know how this community is a great way to realize inner thoughts. Have a good weekend everyone, take care, you are all wonderful persons!

[Recooperating]

Im so sorry NorthLight! I so relate to and understand your pain.

Although I left the relationship, broken, exhausted from 2 years of verbal abuse, manipulation, cheating, drama and terrible accusations, I was/am heartbroken. I am trying hard to pick myself up, rebuild my selfesteem, life, confidence and he's off with another woman. I too checked FB and he's "pretending" to have a good time, painting me black, etc.

I know this rs wont last either... .He's just too unstable, but yet it KILLS me!

I should be glad, it takes his mind of me and spears me yet another recycle attempt and stalking activities... .

We should continu to work on ourselfs, figure out how we got into this dysfunctional mess and move on. We have a chance now to find a healthy stable partner, a nice person we can love and be loved in return. A brighter future we will ever have with our exs.

First step for me... .Self love and the rest will follow... .We deserve better

[camuse]

Yep, same story here, virtually identical.

Idealized, devalued, discarded, "I still love you and always will and cant imagine being with anyone else for years". With someone else 3 days later and I'm painted black.

Sound familiar?

It's horrific - go NC, read, understand, depersonalize - this has NOTHING to do with you. This is a crazy person acting crazy.

Hate is good, let it pass. It will turn to pity and hopefully actually compassion. I feel sorry for mine now, she is a tragic character.

It's about 5 weeks since I found out. I went strict 100% NC forever. I'm still thinking many times a day about it, but I'm starting to not care any more. Crazy woman acted crazy, that's the truth. Sad. For her.

But I know how you feel right now, beyond awful right? Sick, betrayed, worthless, pathetic. Let it be, read, understand - this person is not responsible for your self worth.  Normal healthy people do not behave like this.

The real question is WHY you gave everything to this sick person - that is a question worth asking.

It gets better. Block. Never ever unblock. Never. Never contact. Never respond to contact. Do this and you are guaranteed to be ok in the end, probably sooner than you think.

I'm with you - I know exactly how low you feel right now. I've been there.

Oh and remember: I read your story. This is a MASSIVE thing you have been through. Do not underestimate how massive this awful experience was. It will take time, let it take as long as it takes. You will survive this massive awful thing that happened to you, through no fault of your own.

[freedom33]

Sounds like you are going through some tough times Northlight. It must feel such a massive betrayal for you. Take care of yourself buddy. It's time to focus the energy back to you and be kind and loving to yourself. Forget this crazy woman and take care of you. After the heart stabbing I received from mine I realised that I have to be on my side and take care of me first and foremost. Good luck with it. It will pass.

[BlackandBlue]

I know exactly what you're going through and what you're feeling. I actually started a topic about the same thing earlier in the week because I found out my exwBPD is already in a relationship. I didnt want to know if she was but a coworker (I work with her) told me. It felt like someone punched me and knocked the wind out of me. I tried to not let it get to me but I ended up having a complete breakdown. These forums have been a great help to me. There are so many knowledgeable people on here who experienced the same pain.

[NorthLight]

Thank you for the support guys. I am back to day 1 after being dumped. Feel so lost, so betrayed, I can't really accept and belive it.

Soo many people here are talking about instant replacements. I too was a replacement, she started screwing me the DAY AFTER she broke up with her last bf (which was a "terrible" awful guy that didn't deserve any better than being dumped).

But i never wanted to believe it, that she actually had replaced me. But she replaced me, right away, while i had the worst summer of my life, she was with her new love... .

Atleast this is the last time on this earth I will feel so lost and betrayed, it was just 2 things that could cause this pain, and that was she dumping me (happened) and she finding another BF right after the rs (that happened, found out it happened right after she deleted my whole family some weeks after she dumped me, https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=229694.0;all ). Wow right now, I am so low, i have no idea how Im gonna be able to sleep tonight, work tomorrow, and keep living, this is the set-back my body can't take after so much pain.

[Blimblam]

I'm so sorry man.  It is not personal as hard as that may be to accept right now.  The sad truth is she does need to be alone but she is too scared to face her demons. It is a tragic pattern and we end up carrying the burdain of processing it.

[Tater tot]

Northlight this replacement is not better than you. This replacement is not smarter, more attractive, wealthier, or better in the sack than you. This replacement was there, period. It is a gift that they've moved on, but that means very little in this moment. Take it a minute at a time. It will get better. Take some satisfaction in knowing that this guy won't last. No one will last, NO ONE, not ever. She isn't happy. No one can make her happy, not even you, because she doesn't know what makes her happy, if she can't make herself happy, no one will. Hold your head up... .you've got support here.

[Infern0]

I know how bad this feels mate, mine went straight from me to someone else, and then sent me a letter about how she needed to work on herself and would want to "give me 100%" and "hoped we would be together in the future" then I find out she's with replacement but wants to put me in the friendzone so I can "prove myself" and when it's time I'll get my "chance"


Arhhhhhhhh

These people will eat your soul.  You are so lucky to have escaped,  I know it doesn't seem that way but the replacement is being tortured right now,  even if he thinks he's happy and having a great time, it's just grooming for when she's inevitably going to break him. The better time he's having now,  the worse it's going to be when he sets off the black paint and he gets spat out and ends up on here with the rest of us or worse,  doesn't figure it out and spends the rest of his life blaming himself

[myself]

Whether the new person is better or worse isn't as important as facing that these ex's aren't good for us to be with. Who is so dishonest with their partner, family, friends, and themselves? Who goes from "I love you" to "We're over" so quickly? Who jumps from one r/s to another so quickly? Someone with attachment issues. Self control and self respect issues. Someone with disordered life patterns. Someone who can never actually be close with anyone because they're not able to. Detaching is for us.

[Infared]

I suffered the same pain... .although mine was cheating on me after 5 yrs. and ran off a week before Christmas and denied that she was with anyone. Sounds like your pwBPD was selfish, ruthless and dishonest, too. I truly feel for you... .There is just nothing to do but to love and take care of you.

[Infared]

Whether the new person is better or worse isn't as important as facing that these ex's aren't good for us to be with. Who is so dishonest with their partner, family, friends, and themselves? Who goes from "I love you" to "We're over" so quickly? Who jumps from one r/s to another so quickly? Someone with attachment issues. Self control and self respect issues. Someone with disordered life patterns. Someone who can never actually be close with anyone because they're not able to. Detaching is for us.

It's all TRUE!

[Infared]

Whether the new person is better or worse isn't as important as facing that these ex's aren't good for us to be with. Who is so dishonest with their partner, family, friends, and themselves? Who goes from "I love you" to "We're over" so quickly? Who jumps from one r/s to another so quickly? Someone with attachment issues. Self control and self respect issues. Someone with disordered life patterns. Someone who can never actually be close with anyone because they're not able to. Detaching is for us.

It's all TRUE!

[WhatTheFrank]

Totally know where you are coming from NL.  Two and a half year relationship. In a month and a half, it will have been a year since the breakup.  My ex started seeing my replacement 2 months before we broke up.  When she was taking the victory lap trying to portray me as a loser and rub my "defeat" in my face, she was already saying 'he was the love of her life'... .heard that before.  She facebooked the relationship 2 weeks after we broke up.  Engaged 5 months after the breakup.  That relationship fractured and was over 2 weeks after the announcement of the engagement... .no clue if/who she is seeing now, don't care.  I just wanted to make sure after the first relationship cratered, I was ready for any contact.  She never contacted

[camuse]

Thank you for the support guys. I am back to day 1 after being dumped. Feel so lost, so betrayed, I can't really accept and belive it.

Soo many people here are talking about instant replacements. I too was a replacement, she started screwing me the DAY AFTER she broke up with her last bf (which was a "terrible" awful guy that didn't deserve any better than being dumped).

But i never wanted to believe it, that she actually had replaced me. But she replaced me, right away, while i had the worst summer of my life, she was with her new love... .

BPDs are permanently on the rebound. You were the rebound - this should have been a red flag. She dumped someone and moved right on to you, why wouldn't she do the same to you?

I did the same - mine dumped a 4 year r/s and moved on to me straight away. I remembered something yesterday - the first time I met her she left the room to talk to a friend about a relationship breakdown. Now I realise it was her ex, being strung along. Just as she strung me along while setting up my replacement.  She called me hundreds of times after we split up, I wonder how many times my replacement was in the room or the bed with her listening in, thinking "what a chump, I won't end up like that."

I did spot the red flag at the time, I said to myself "She did it to him, she will do it to you." But still I stuck around to find out for sure. My fault. I won't do that again.

People do as people do. Next time I meet someone who is on the rebound, or has walked out of a relationship(s) for no reason I will stay away rather than join the heap of discarded exes. People don't change, and I certainly cannot change them. That's what I take away from this debacle.

[Popcorn71]

BPDs are permanently on the rebound. You were the rebound - this should have been a red flag. She dumped someone and moved right on to you, why wouldn't she do the same to you?

I did spot the red flag at the time, I said to myself "She did it to him, she will do it to you." But still I stuck around to find out for sure. My fault. I won't do that again.

People do as people do. Next time I meet someone who is on the rebound, or has walked out of a relationship(s) for no reason I will stay away rather than join the heap of discarded exes. People don't change, and I certainly cannot change them. That's what I take away from this debacle.

I totally agree.  My ex was just out of a 23 year marriage/relationship.  He had been dumped by his wife for another man.  I did think it was strange that only 4 months later, (after having two one night stands and a 'friendship' of a few weeks with a woman he had known for years,) that he actively pursued me and a few weeks after that he told me he wanted to marry me.  But I was flattered by all the loving attention and fell for it totally.  I pushed my concerns to the back of my mind because they felt uncomfortable and yes, I wanted to believe him when he told me how special and amazing I was.

Now I am wiser and won't be fooled in this way again.  Anyone that can get over a relationship that quickly, is clearly a bit strange, even if they are not BPD.

[Pets]

It is not personal as hard as that may be to accept right now.  The sad truth is she does need to be alone but she is too scared to face her demons. It is a tragic pattern and we end up carrying the burdain of processing it.

Thanks for this.  A good reminder for me after an awful day yesterday when I felt just overwhelmed with a sense of shame that I couldn't make the relationship work, asking myself, "What is it that is so awful about me, what I said or did, that can make someone go from telling me that he is committed to me and has waited for someone like me all his life, to discarding the relationship within a matter of days after that?"  It can drive you insane, the way it just never made sense.  I kept thinking that teenagers do that, but not a man of 50?  How wrong I was.  

But it gives some comfort to try and think that not a lot of it was about me and that there probably isn't anything that I could have done to stop it from happening, as desperately as I wanted it to.  And it also eases the pain of him replacing me so easily just a fraction.

[Pets]

BPDs are permanently on the rebound. You were the rebound - this should have been a red flag. She dumped someone and moved right on to you, why wouldn't she do the same to you?

Very true.  My exbf told me he had had a couple of short relationships very recently before he met me.  At the time, he portrayed it as though they were just casual dates and nothing really serious, so I didn't see the red flags.  Or maybe didn't want to?  Because who doesn't like to be told that they are special and like no one else they have met before? 

Only some months after we split up did I find out from a former work colleague of his that he practically moved in with one of those "dates", flew to another country to meet the parents, was very intense and then just stopped seeing her from one day to the next.

I'd like to think that he had a bit more respect for me or for what we had, because he at least tried to be kind to me after we broke up for a while, made an effort to be friends - although now we have gone NC because he is in a new relationship, I am even not so sure about that any more.

He always painted a bad picture of the mothers of his two children - now I'm beginning to wonder what really happened and I feel for them - maybe they suffered just like I did?

[NorthLight]

day 1 (day before breakup) -> you are my soulmate, can't live without you, love you, blahblah

day 2 dumped -> "i need time to take care of myself, i can't be in a rs, I'm so empty"

day 3 -> new rs, new "soulmate" i guess.


Its just so sick, their actions and what they actually say is soo two different planets! And its the pretty much same story with every exBPD on this forum. Crazy.