Someone told me something tonight that made me tear up

[SpringInMyStep]

I was at the bar in my building (convenient, I know!) and I am pretty close with all the bartenders there and they know my situation. So one of the guys in my building came in and he had met my wife a few times. I told him we weren't together anymore and without mentioning BPD, I just said that I became her caretaker and neglected my own needs.

He said, without even knowing the whole situation, "you know, I admire you for taking care of her like that." and I seriously got tears in my eyes.

I thanked him and said that was really nice because it's hard not to feel bad about the fact that I stayed with her and completely forgot about myself in the process. I told him I just thought that's what you do... .you help the person you love through difficult times. Except I didn't know at the time it wasn't ever going to end. She wasn't ever going to change or get better.

It's interesting for me to find out how people on the outside perceived our relationship though, because he could tell a lot just from meeting her a couple of times in the bar, then noticing my absence for months on end.

Ah... .just one more little chapter in my journey.

[Wastedyears25]

I think it's hard for non's to accept validation from anyone since the person that we sought validation from for so long withheld it. Accept it and know that you did all you could do to help. I have received so much validation from my family and my uBPDh family since I left. I now know there is nothing more I could have done to help him since he was unwilling to help himself. My T said you left with no regrets and she's right, so it is time for me to take care of me and not feel guilty about it. I stopped putting myself on the back burner for someone who wouldn't take care of himself.