Broke no contact?

[freedom33]

I was NC for a month. I told her never to contact me again. She did but I did not respond, aside a text to arrange exchange of our stuff that never took place. I think she is probably using this to keep me hostage but I have writen off my stuff in my mind to break the chains.

At any rate, all was going fine, well not fine but better. No urge on my side to contact and was and still looking forward to freedom. I was on the call with someone just now when a call from an unknown number showed up on my screen. I asked the person on the other line to hold for a second and picked up the incoming call.

It was her. She has never used unknown numbers to call me before so I was genuinely taken by suprise, she said hey! At the beginning I didn't realise who she was and then after one second (which felt like a century) it occured to me. My heart started pounding fast, butteflies in my stomach, I almost started shaking and I said, I am on the other line, I can't talk and immediately hung up. I should have said don't call me again. Or say nothing and just hang up. No explaining or excusing. This gives her hope... .Oh man... .I think the next thing she will do is to send an email or text.

I need some support guys.

[Rifka]

Freedom,

Tech you did not purposely break n/c unless you answered it with the thought that maybe it was her! You are good! Take a deep breath!

You do not have to answer a text or email if it comes. You are aware now that you should not answer unknown calls.

Don't beat yourself up. You didn't tell her that you missed her or she should call you back or that you would call her. You went back to the other call.

I think you handled it as best as possible for an unexpected call from a unknown number.

Your bodies reaction is what it is.

Are you feeling you want to continue the conversation, because then you might want to re evaluate why you feel that way, if not then you are good!

You already know how creative the BPD exes can be. You have to keep one step ahead in the thinking process.

You have been doing great!

I think you should just keep going strong!

You are in charge of you! We can not be in charge of them!

You now know again how much your body and heart still feel anxiety about her.

Use your head on your shoulders and just go forward!

You can do this Freedom!

Rifka

[Infared]

I was NC for a month. I told her never to contact me again. She did but I did not respond, aside a text to arrange exchange of our stuff that never took place. I think she is probably using this to keep me hostage but I have writen off my stuff in my mind to break the chains.

At any rate, all was going fine, well not fine but better. No urge on my side to contact and was and still looking forward to freedom. I was on the call with someone just now when a call from an unknown number showed up on my screen. I asked the person on the other line to hold for a second and picked up the incoming call.

It was her. She has never used unknown numbers to call me before so I was genuinely taken by suprise, she said hey! At the beginning I didn't realise who she was and then after one second (which felt like a century) it occured to me. My heart started pounding fast, butteflies in my stomach, I almost started shaking and I said, I am on the other line, I can't talk and immediately hung up. I should have said don't call me again. Or say nothing and just hang up. No explaining or excusing. This gives her hope... .Oh man... .I think the next thing she will do is to send an email or text.

I need some support guys.

Freedom... .YOU DID AMAZINGLY WELL!  Just have all battle stations ready... as there could be an eminent attack!  You owe her nothing in the way of ANY explanation.  Calm down... get centered again (things like that always rock our world... .).

She used an unknown number ... .can you say selfish, manipulative and respecting-no-boundaries?  

CONGRATULATIONS MR.!  You were quick on your feet and took care of YOU!

[LettingGo14]

My heart started pounding fast, butteflies in my stomach, I almost started shaking and I said, I am on the other line, I can't talk and immediately hung up. I should have said don't call me again. Or say nothing and just hang up. No explaining or excusing. This gives her hope... .Oh man... .I think the next thing she will do is to send an email or text.

I need some support guys.

What your somatic experience (i.e., body) tells you is what you pay attention to now. This is the real stuff of healing.  

My healing started when I started to repeat, over and over and over, that it was no longer about her.   I started to pay exclusive attention to what I was feeling (and I started practicing techniques to welcome whatever I was feeling).   Pain became a teacher, and when I felt it in the body specifically, I learned to work with it.

Mike Tyson once said something like, "Everyone has a plan... .until they get punched in the face."  

When we work with ourselves, we can absorb whatever comes.

Keep posting, Freedom.  You are doing the work.

[freedom33]

Thanks for the support guys. I don't trust her and do not want to talk to her.  She is just caring about herself and yes no respect of boundaries - she played the unknown number trick on me. We were supposed to go on holidays to a country in Europe - I was supposed to be flying out later today and she was to come and meet me there tomorrow. I presume she called from an unknown number to see if I went there by myself or to convince me to go there with her. The physical symptoms of my fight or flight response show just how deep the betrayal trayma is. My body is wise and is warning me to keep away.

[freedom33]

Yes I am quite sure that, that's what it is - She called me because she wants to go on holidays and needs some company... .She did this before back in May - we were also to go on a booked holiday back then and I broke up with her about a month before and again went NC. In that case I also wanted/needed a holiday and when she contacted me a week before I gave in and went for it. It 's like as if you were a junkie and your drug dealer suggests you go to a tropical island with her and a kilo of heroin. I mean it's a tough one to resist - at least the first time.

Now I have learned. It's always about her. She wants to go on a holiday and have fun and forget all the stuff that happened in the meantime, all the pain, pretend as if it didn't happen.  Let's have fun and pretend as if nothing happened. I was going through some books last night that she bought me for christmas, and my bday which is a few days afte. They were actually books she liked and in the dedication in the first page she was saying that 'her wish was for me to read her the stories that the book came with'... .I mean it is xmas and bday gifts for me. It should be about my wishes... .Always about her... .It's funny that gifts and other things that she gave me used to trigger me but not anymore - now such things serve to remind me who I was really with and strengthen my resolve to keep away.

[myself]

She may have been using the call as a pressure release, a way to reach for what she wants but doesn't know how to have. You can use the call in the same way, for your own greater benefit. You heard from her, and got through it. You know what you want (NC, a better life) and you know how to have it. A good lesson as far as don't take calls from unknown numbers (I've been getting some off and on for months, haven't answered any, better safe than sorry). You didn't get all wet, she just splashed a drop or two.