at my wits end.

[njva4]

I have a sixteen year old that is showing signs of BPD several therapist have told me but unfortunately in our state she will not be formally diagnosed with it until she is 18. Her mood swings more than a baseball player, she is happy and calm one minute to hateful and depressed the next. She is having truancy problems at school and they are threatening to get a chins placed on her. She was hospitalized on the 13 of August for trying to overdose on a prescription medication, at that time she told them she had done it twice before, the crisis worker then placed her in a hospital two hours away from home for 5 days. Since then she has multiple counselors, including day treatment, group therapy, in  home and she sees a psychiatrist. On Monday September 8, the psychiatrist placed her on lithium, as a mood stabilizer, Gebapinten a anxiety medicine, and trazadone to help her sleep because she has horrible nightmares. While in the hospital, she made allegations against her father, which have been investigated but nothing was done so i guess they dropped it.  Thursday, September 11, she refused to continue taking her medicines. She claim they make her feel worse, she also threatens to commit suicide a lot. Sorry for rambling, I am at my wits end how to handle her and this situation. Any suggestions would be appreciated. thank you

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[qcarolr]

Hi njva4  

It is good to have you with us. I understand how painful and confusing this is for you. There are many here with similar stories.

It is so very scary when our kids are unstable, and it sounds like this is a very difficult time for your DD. It can feel overwhelming for both you and your D with so many involved in her life. She may be feeling powerless with so much coming rapidly from so many directions. Fear often is very strong and her resistance to treatment may be her fighting back against perceived causes of her distress. Does she have a case manager among these individuals to create a team approach? Often there is a therapist that takes on this role. It is so much easier if family has a primary contact to help sort out how the treatment plan progressing.

There are many tools here at bpdfamily to help with a deeper understanding of what is going on with your D, and ways to make things better. If you click on "Foundation Reading" in the sidebar you will find some great videos to help get this started. I also recommend getting a copy of one of the books suggested.

The tools and lessons are extremely valuable - I suggest starting at the top of each list and working through them. Pay attention to your energy reserves - give yourself time. It is a lot to take in at the beginning.

Are you taking care of yourself? This question made no sense to me at all when my BPDDD, now 28, was struggling. It was about her, not me, right?  Well, I came to discover when I was more calm and stable, I could be there for her in a much healthier way. Do you have access to a T for yourself? Are there supportive friends or family in your life? Can you take some respite time to do something you enjoy, even just a half hour can be helpful.

We hope you can keep coming back to share your story as it develops. We care. We understand.

qcr

[HealingSpirit]

Hello njva4,

I'd like to join qcarolr in welcoming you to our family. I'm so sorry to hear of all the pain and struggles you've been having with your BPD daughter (DD). She sounds so much like my DD17, it's scary.  (Right down to the false accusation of abuse by her father when she was 13. I know the fear and stress you're going through.) I'm glad you found us!  There ARE things you can do to help your DD, and this site is loaded with information, videos, tools, lessons, and a wonderful, understanding community of other parents who also have offspring with BPD.  Qcarolr already gave you some great ways to get started here.  

It's unfortunate that mental health practitioners are still holding onto the idea that they can't diagnose BPD until the child reaches the magic age of 18. I'd like to make sure YOU know up front that the treatment proven effective for BPD is Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT).  If you can find a therapist who can teach DBT skills to your DD right now, you'll be ahead of the game, whether or not she receives an "official diagnosis."  

Also, don't fret too much that your DD has renounced her meds. I've read 3 of the recommended BPD books here so far, and they all say that  Psych meds aren't all that effective in treating BPD, and they may indeed be making her feel worse.  My DD was on antidepressants and Xanax 2 years ago up until about 4 months ago. She went off everything and refuses to take them now. Oddly enough, she is less suicidal now, though she does seem to rage more. So far, she hasn't self-harmed, OD'd or cut herself since she stopped her meds either, so they weren't helping anyway.

I want you to know you are not alone going through this! There are many parents here dealing with teenagers with BPD and we all have similar issues to deal with.  There is hope. You have come to the right place.  

If you're up for taking on some reading, I would start with Valerie Porr's "Overcoming BPD." I'm reading it now, and she explains BPD in a way that makes it easier to understand.  I also read Shari Manning's "Loving Someone with BPD" and it was also excellent, but I wish I'd started with Porr's book first.

Hang in there! You're among friends & family here who know what you're going through.


One more thought regarding school.  Many teens with BPD can't handle the stresses of high school. My own DD got her GED during her Junior year because she was failing all her classes. So her T suggested that she get her GED and start junior college at her own pace. So, that's what she did.  Have you thought about any alternative forms of schooling? Do you have any Charter schools or home study programs in your area?

[pessim-optimist]

Hello njva4,



welcome to this board!

It is not uncommon for therapists to delay diagnosis... .Are they going to treat her accordingly, though?

Thursday, September 11, she refused to continue taking her medicines. She claim they make her feel worse, she also threatens to commit suicide a lot. Sorry for rambling, I am at my wits end how to handle her and this situation. Any suggestions would be appreciated. thank you

This must be really stressful and frightening, njva4... . 

Have you had a chance to discuss this with her psychiatrist?

In any case - this kind of situation can send a person into a panic. It is important to keep breathing and to try to keep calm. Having a plan of what to do to keep her safe will help you tremendously to calm down... .

There is a thread here discussing how to deal with suicidal gestures and threats of suicide. I think it will help you to mentally walk through the options and help you assess what fits your situation at any moment. This is the link to it: TOOLS: Dealing with threats of Suicide and Suicide Attempts

In short - does she have a plan? Can you remove the means (tools, pills etc.)? Is she acutely in danger -if so, do not leave her alone, and/or get her help (transport her to the ER if necessary). Calling 911 is best if the suicide is already in progress or if there is need to get the person to the ER and no way to get there.

Let us know how things go, ok? We are here to support you... . 

[njva4]

One more thought regarding school.  Many teens with BPD can't handle the stresses of high school. My own DD got her GED during her Junior year because she was failing all her classes. So her T suggested that she get her GED and start junior college at her own pace. So, that's what she did.  Have you thought about any alternative forms of schooling? Do you have any Charter schools or home study programs in your area?

The GED is not offered in our area any longer to kids under 18  that is what we wanted to do at the beginning of the year,but they flat out refused. I tried to get her on home bound as well they refused that as well.

[HealingSpirit]

the GED is not offered in our area any longer to kids under 18  that is what we wanted to do at the beginning of the year,but they flat out refused. I tried to get her on home bound as well they refused that as well.

Oh njva4,

That is so frustrating! You may have to advocate pretty hard for home schooling or online schooling, if you're up for home schooling. I think school districts are more concerned with the money they get from each student enrolled than with the best interest of each child's education. So you can pretty much expect them NOT to support this decision.  (Follow the money.)

We have a fairly large home school population where I live. Some of my friends used the K-12 online program and their kids did very well.

I hope you can find a therapist or counselor who practices DBT. It is soo frustrating to be so let down by the "expert" mental health community! 

Hang in there and let us know how it goes... .