NC is wonderful. How self empowering. New dreams in the making.

[Our abuse recovery guide]

I really am not going to be the spokesperson for going no-contact with people with BPD but I will say that for ME it has been a life altering decision.

My husband was forced to go no-contact with his mother that is BPD.   Long story that I have already told but now WE don't have to deal with her daily hate, nastiness, lying, destructive behavior... .etc.     On a scale of 1 to 10 and 10 being the WORST... .she is by far the 10 of 10s.   Over 3 years no contact.  This crazy lady STILL talks about me to my sister-in-law daily.  She doesn't know me at all.   She speaks regularily to my husbands deviant x wife and I am so glad they serve each other's hateful purpose in life so well. See... .they have the right to use each other to spread hate.  Go for it!  How exhilerating to accept that and let go.   Have a party talking about me if I am that exciting. 

I have been NC with sister for almost 3 months now.  I backed off 5 months ago when her texting attacks became too distruptive for me.   Had a major fall out in July.   I feel so peaceful and happier.   I don't have her calls to deal with and her texts.    NOW, I have let go of the silly holidays with her.    Look for other's to step in place.  I had a woman tell me the other day she wants to have a non-family thanksgiving for just friends and was including me in that.  I thought to myself... ."I am being provided for".    LEtting go of my sister I am putting it out there to the universe to allow new people to come in.    We are also thinking ona  open house around holidays! 

Big chances we take in life... .but we all deserve to be happy.

[funfunctional]

I really am not going to be the spokesperson for going no-contact with people with BPD but I will say that for ME it has been a life altering decision.

My husband was forced to go no-contact with his mother that is BPD.   Long story that I have already told but now WE don't have to deal with her daily hate, nastiness, lying, destructive behavior... .etc.     On a scale of 1 to 10 and 10 being the WORST... .she is by far the 10 of 10s.   Over 3 years no contact.  This crazy lady STILL talks about me to my sister-in-law daily.  She doesn't know me at all.   She speaks regularily to my husbands deviant x wife and I am so glad they serve each other's hateful purpose in life so well. See... .they have the right to use each other to spread hate.  Go for it!  How exhilerating to accept that and let go.   Have a party talking about me if I am that exciting. 

I have been NC with sister for almost 3 months now.  I backed off 5 months ago when her texting attacks became too distruptive for me.   Had a major fall out in July.   I feel so peaceful and happier.   I don't have her calls to deal with and her texts.    NOW, I have let go of the silly holidays with her.    Look for other's to step in place.  I had a woman tell me the other day she wants to have a non-family thanksgiving for just friends and was including me in that.  I thought to myself... ."I am being provided for".    LEtting go of my sister I am putting it out there to the universe to allow new people to come in.    We are also thinking ona  open house around holidays! 

Big chances we take in life... .but we all deserve to be happy.

[claudiaduffy]

So good to hear you're finding peace!

NC with my uBPDmil is immensely freeing for us, too. 

[Harri]

Hi Funf!  I am glad you are feeling so much better and that you are building your own, chosen family!  That is wonderful and this post made me smile!

[funfunctional]

thanks Harri and Claudia.

I had to share because it really does feel so good.   I didn't realize how much they were affecting me day to day in my life.  I am so happy and the counselor was the one that encouraged me to go no-contact with my sister too.    I love this line "so why are you dealing with your sister 360 days a year for 5 holidays a year?".  I was so scared of losing family and my kids not experiencing what I experienced as a child.  However,  SEE, this is the wrong approach.

When we are happy, positive and feeling good about ourselves and can focus on work, friends and any family we keep THEN we are really living and ATTRACTING to us positive people.   When we are directing all our energy at destructive or mentally ill people they take a piece of us with them.   In particular, family stuff pulls us apart the most.  I can deal with "friends" that are mentally ill or OFF better becuz there are boundaries.  With some family, they think they have a legal right to abuse, use and take for granted our gifts to them.

Not anymore!

If any of you are suffering and it is "possible" for you to break the connection I strongly encourage that.  Not all of us can do that and in those case we are all hear to listen and help.   Boundaries can still be established.  There are the idea on this site that professionals have listed but I also encourage the use of some non-traditional approaches... .meta physical.  Clearly this approach is just me... .but I used an intuitive counselor who is also a shamanic healer and she literally talks out emotions and cuts those energetic cords and reinforces the cords being cut thru insightful ideas and self empowerment.

      

[trees]

With some family, they think they have a legal right to abuse, use and take for granted our gifts to them.

This is so true. Unfortunately, I have had friends/bosses/coworkers who have felt the same. I actually had a roommate/friend say that to me in college once that she treated me like crap because she knew she'd be my friend no matter what. (In retrospect, I think she might have been BPD too, or at least had some serious issues.)

After the year of rooming together was up, I cut her out of my life-- first time I ever de-friended someone. I felt cruel for doing it (esp. since I knew she was in a vulnerable point), but I knew I had do it to preserve my sanity. If we stayed friends, we would have drowned together.

I'm not quite ready to go NC with my parents (I'm LC) but I really appreciate reading such positive stories. Thank you for sharing! And I am so glad that you are happy and feeling good!