Change in thought process

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I wanted to share an experience and hope it helps others during the difficult times. There is one thing that helped me through a recent rough patch. It was changing my thought process and trying to focus on being more positive. My birthday was yesterday. I was feeling a bit down and sad. l ended it with my ex BPDbf 2+ months ago. I was also laid off from my job/career just 2 weeks prior. Two major curve balls in life that one can never be prepared for. 

So when I woke up yesterday, I decided to think positively that I would have a wonderful day. I also reflected back on my birthday last year. My ex BPDbf didn't bother to make any special plans. He showed up at my house for a half hour. Oh, and the best part, he gave me a boxed generic blank card that he had written on upside down. The card read: "My Dearest RedDove, I wish I could give you more than just this card for your birthday, happy bday, love ex BPDbf." Real nice, after 3 years together.

His birthday is a month after mine. Last year I took him to a lovely restaurant for a bday dinner the weekend before. I also bought him tickets to see P!nk, supposedly one of "our" favorites. However, he blew me off the night of his actual bday. We had a fight a few days later. He gave me the silent treatment for two weeks. So in the end, I never gave him his bday present, and took my best friend to the P!nk Concert instead.

So back to yesterday, my birthday. We all want someone special in our lives to celebrate our birthdays with. But guess what? I have so many special people in my life and I just needed to clear out the fog to realize it. My day started with several happy bday texts. The first text was from my ex husband. We've been divorced for 10+ years. We are friends and have a really good co-parenting relationship. I also received many happy bday wishes on Facebook from friends and family. 

I headed out for my daily walk. Always helps my mood. When I returned their was a mini van at my house. A woman got out with a beautiful flower arrangement in a basket from my sister. When I got into my house there was a second basket of flowers from my best friend. My brother then told me he was cooking me a special dinner. My family lit the candles on my bday cake and sang happy bday. At that very moment I realized I was with someone or rather "lots" of someone's "special" to celebrate my bday. My friends and family instinctively knew I was going through a difficult time. They rallied around me with their love and support. I feel so grateful and truly blessed.

The best bday gift was not hearing from my ex BPDbf. It's been 2+ months NC and not a peep from him. He's with the new supply, who he had on the back burner 2 months before I ended it. 

The only strange thing yesterday, was someone tried to log into my personal email account. I received a text message alert and I had to reset the password. No one else emails me on that account. We communicated on that email account during the idealization phase. Also, whenever I was upset and would email him to try to communicate with him about how I was feeling at the time. Fell on deaf ears every time! Everyone else close to me texts me. But It doesn't matter if it was or was not him, cause its not about him anymore, it's about me, my recovery and my life!

[RedDove]

I wanted to share an experience and hope it helps others during the difficult times. There is one thing that helped me through a recent rough patch. It was changing my thought process and trying to focus on being more positive. My birthday was yesterday. I was feeling a bit down and sad. l ended it with my ex BPDbf 2+ months ago. I was also laid off from my job/career just 2 weeks prior. Two major curve balls in life that one can never be prepared for. 

So when I woke up yesterday, I decided to think positively that I would have a wonderful day. I also reflected back on my birthday last year. My ex BPDbf didn't bother to make any special plans. He showed up at my house for a half hour. Oh, and the best part, he gave me a boxed generic blank card that he had written on upside down. The card read: "My Dearest RedDove, I wish I could give you more than just this card for your birthday, happy bday, love ex BPDbf." Real nice, after 3 years together.

His birthday is a month after mine. Last year I took him to a lovely restaurant for a bday dinner the weekend before. I also bought him tickets to see P!nk, supposedly one of "our" favorites. However, he blew me off the night of his actual bday. We had a fight a few days later. He gave me the silent treatment for two weeks. So in the end, I never gave him his bday present, and took my best friend to the P!nk Concert instead.

So back to yesterday, my birthday. We all want someone special in our lives to celebrate our birthdays with. But guess what? I have so many special people in my life and I just needed to clear out the fog to realize it. My day started with several happy bday texts. The first text was from my ex husband. We've been divorced for 10+ years. We are friends and have a really good co-parenting relationship. I also received many happy bday wishes on Facebook from friends and family. 

I headed out for my daily walk. Always helps my mood. When I returned their was a mini van at my house. A woman got out with a beautiful flower arrangement in a basket from my sister. When I got into my house there was a second basket of flowers from my best friend. My brother then told me he was cooking me a special dinner. My family lit the candles on my bday cake and sang happy bday. At that very moment I realized I was with someone or rather "lots" of someone's "special" to celebrate my bday. My friends and family instinctively knew I was going through a difficult time. They rallied around me with their love and support. I feel so grateful and truly blessed.

The best bday gift was not hearing from my ex BPDbf. It's been 2+ months NC and not a peep from him. He's with the new supply, who he had on the back burner 2 months before I ended it. 

The only strange thing yesterday, was someone tried to log into my personal email account. I received a text message alert and I had to reset the password. No one else emails me on that account. We communicated on that email account during the idealization phase. Also, whenever I was upset and would email him to try to communicate with him about how I was feeling at the time. Fell on deaf ears every time! Everyone else close to me texts me. But It doesn't matter if it was or was not him, cause its not about him anymore, it's about me, my recovery and my life!

[Skip]

Sounds like everyone was thinking about you yesterday - including the ex.   

Happy B-Day!

[Popcorn71]

I'm glad you had a nice birthday.

I had thoughts along the same lines as you, last christmas.  My exBPDh ruined every christmas for me and my kids in the last 7 years out of the 9 years we were together.  Like you, I realised that I had a nicer time without him.  I was able to spend time with my family and friends who treat me well and don't sulk and cause rows at every special occasion.

Well done for realising that you don't need him to enjoy your special times.