Help about NC

[freedom33]

Ok. Today it is 1 month since I have broken up and gone NC with her. She has broken it on a few occasions with a few texts three weeks ago, then a phone, then an email to which I didn't respond. We were supposed to go on holiday yesterday to a country in the mediterranean. I was supposed to fly on the 15th and she was supposed to fly on the 16th ie yesterday. She called me a couple of days ago from an unknown number and I hanged up the phone immediately once I realised who it was. She called about the holiday probably. Now, I did not fly on the 15th but apparently she went there by herself. Today I woke up and got 2 whatsapp messages with a photo and a text saying she want to meet. She thinks I am there. I deleted whatsapp from my phone. She then tried me on viber - which she never uses but she downloaded it to contact me. I blocked her. Then phone call from an unknown number in the afternoon. I didn't pick up. Now I just got an email saying she wants to meet me at this island tomorrow. She is absolutely out of her fckng mind, out of control and keeps contacting me. I am divided. I was actually tempted to respond to her email simply saying 'I am not in country X, please stop contacting me' but then again I am thinking why should I even tell her where I am? She 's just out of her mind and acting as if all is fine... .Man oh man... .I am tempted to respond with something brief as I said but I think it's probably better if I keep ignoring her. Suggestions?

[Confused?]

I don't know the situation she was in when you left or your story. If me and my ex were supposed to go somewhere together and she went and was calling me from there there is one of two scenarios that she would likely be doing. One: she went with a guy or "friend" as they call it. Or scenario two: she went with a guy or replacement as I call it. My ex had no friends, was pretty much terrified of social settings, broke as hell, depressed all the time with me, and completely incapable of doing anything on her own. I don't know how functioning your ex is but mine wasn't at all. In fact the only mine seemed to be happy was when I was replaced. Basically rubbing it in my face. Almost like look how happy I am in one week with him and never was for 2 years with you. Stay strong. No contact is the only way. Nothing good could come out of you responding. I know it's annoying but once you show no interest anymore the calls and texts will stop.

[Hopeless777]

I had the same thing happen, though not as extreme. After separating, we had third row tickets for Steve Miller Band and Journey. So we made it a date. Had a good time, went back to our house and I wanted to go back to my temp place about 30 miles away. But, she seduced me and we had fun, but I left at about 4am to beat the rush hour traffic. Then two weeks later it was our birthday weekend and we had hotel reservations. Same thing, nice evening and next day, and we go back to our place and she starts with the arguing and I leave for good. That was three months ago. Total NC since 7/6. Besides these "dates" I recycled three times. My head says it will never work again. My heart says it has to if only I knew what to do. My head is painfully winning. IMHO re-engaging with a BPD once split black never works.

[freedom33]

Thanks for your responses. I don't want it to work Hopeless777. I just want it to stop. I basically had enough about a month ago and told her that's it, don't contact me again, we are finished, bye and I left.

Right now it's hard enough to be here on my own while she is on our holidays solo (confused? I am positive she is solo - she is looking to meet up with me). Every time she contacts me I have this image of her having fun. It triggers me and I mean she will be alone there for 10 days, young woman, enjoying herself in a sunny country, flirting with guys etc. Despite the fact I am jealous, considering who I am and what I have been through I am doing quite well but this constant communication is triggering me.

[Confused?]

One thing you have to realize even tho it is hard to believe is she is not happy. She has a illness that makes it impossible for her to be happy. Yea she might have moments of happiness but in reality she is struggling to live day by day. Her contact should show you she isn't happy. You are one month no contact and she is still calling you. Take this for instance. If you were one month out of a relationship and were happy would you be calling her non stop? No because you are happy and free from her. The reason she is doing what she is doing is basic borderline. She could be in the moment happy and trying to rub your face in it. Trick you into going there and being disappointed. Get any kind of answer from you so she can start a fight. There are many reasons she would be doing this but none of them are because she really wants to see you. Remember she is selfish. What she is doing is for herself

[myself]

I just want it to stop. I basically had enough about a month ago and told her that's it, don't contact me again, we are finished, bye and I left.

There's your answer right there. Stay NC. Going back and forth with it doesn't send a good message to either of you. She's not respecting your boundaries by contacting you so much. It was her choice to go on the trip by herself. Agreed, she's not having a great time if she's trying to reel you in. Not your problem. Hopefully, it might make her face the consequences of her disordered actions. Probably not, if she's BPD and just wants to be 'saved'.