Can non's sometimes act like pwBPD?

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

I was thinking, in my relationship with my non ex I did do some seriously rubbish things. It wasn't a perfect relationship by far and he was no angel himself but I must have been really difficult.

I did, and still do, suffer from depression and I think that is the explanation for why I acted out so much; I did not feel like myself at the time but all the bad behaviour, it still brings me a lot of guilt and, yes, shame.

I did a lot of things in my past relationship that I now see as looking somewhat BPD. For example I fell in love really quickly with him, I acted very child like and cutesy, I would compare him to my ex loads (him always in a positive), I was very paranoid and clingy, felt like I needed him, when we broke up I talked a lot of nonsense about him not caring/ever loving me and spoke a lot about self harm and suicide. I mean I do think I acted like a complete nut.

The differences I see is that I have no addictions (I heard pwBPD require two to merit diagnosis), a pretty healthy history of relationships/friendships apart from some of the things mentioned above in the relationship in question. I never cheated and absolutely would not, additionally I am still single and generally choose to be, I don't want to date someone for the sake of it; I would rather be alone than with someone I do not feel anything for.

But I swear if any of you lot had seen me back when I was with my ex, I'm sure you would have stamped BPD right on my forehead I really was getting that screwed up; I don't even really know why and if depression can do that to you. I was told by both my doctor and my therapist I did not have BPD; in fact my therapist laughed when I asked her if it could be a possibility.

Can this happen? Can non's exhibited BPD traits during, say, times of great stress, unhappiness and it only last for a particular period? Or should I be more concerned about what happened?

[Springle]

I was thinking, in my relationship with my non ex I did do some seriously rubbish things. It wasn't a perfect relationship by far and he was no angel himself but I must have been really difficult.

I did, and still do, suffer from depression and I think that is the explanation for why I acted out so much; I did not feel like myself at the time but all the bad behaviour, it still brings me a lot of guilt and, yes, shame.

I did a lot of things in my past relationship that I now see as looking somewhat BPD. For example I fell in love really quickly with him, I acted very child like and cutesy, I would compare him to my ex loads (him always in a positive), I was very paranoid and clingy, felt like I needed him, when we broke up I talked a lot of nonsense about him not caring/ever loving me and spoke a lot about self harm and suicide. I mean I do think I acted like a complete nut.

The differences I see is that I have no addictions (I heard pwBPD require two to merit diagnosis), a pretty healthy history of relationships/friendships apart from some of the things mentioned above in the relationship in question. I never cheated and absolutely would not, additionally I am still single and generally choose to be, I don't want to date someone for the sake of it; I would rather be alone than with someone I do not feel anything for.

But I swear if any of you lot had seen me back when I was with my ex, I'm sure you would have stamped BPD right on my forehead I really was getting that screwed up; I don't even really know why and if depression can do that to you. I was told by both my doctor and my therapist I did not have BPD; in fact my therapist laughed when I asked her if it could be a possibility.

Can this happen? Can non's exhibited BPD traits during, say, times of great stress, unhappiness and it only last for a particular period? Or should I be more concerned about what happened?

[antjs]

www.en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Projective_identification

Projective identification is a term introduced by Melanie Klein to describe the process whereby in a close relationship, as between mother and child, lovers, or therapist and patient, parts of the self may in unconscious fantasy be thought of as being forced into the other person.[1]While based on Freud's concept of psychological projection,[2] projective identification represents a step beyond. In R.D. Laing's words, “The one person does not use the other merely as a hook to hang projections on. He strives to find in the other, or to induce the other to become, the very embodiment of projection”.[3] Feelings which can not be consciously accessed are defensively projected into another person in order to evoke the thoughts or feelings projected.[4]

thats pretty much what happens when you get exposed to the toxicity of BPD people. they project their traits into you and you identify with it. Just asking such question makes the probability of you having BPD not much. you are holding yourself accountable for your doings (something that BPDs do not do)

[Bak86]

Oh yes pretty much.

I kind of fear rejection at this moment. I was seeing a new girl, 2 nights ago i wanted her to come home with me, she didn't want to, she had to tell me "no" like 5 times, before i got the message and i simply wouldn't let go off her. It freaked me out that i did this, because this is NOT who i am. The BPD turned me into this, i hope this ___ is not permanent. 

[Springle]

www.en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Projective_identification

Projective identification is a term introduced by Melanie Klein to describe the process whereby in a close relationship, as between mother and child, lovers, or therapist and patient, parts of the self may in unconscious fantasy be thought of as being forced into the other person.[1]While based on Freud's concept of psychological projection,[2] projective identification represents a step beyond. In R.D. Laing's words, “The one person does not use the other merely as a hook to hang projections on. He strives to find in the other, or to induce the other to become, the very embodiment of projection”.[3] Feelings which can not be consciously accessed are defensively projected into another person in order to evoke the thoughts or feelings projected.[4]

thats pretty much what happens when you get exposed to the toxicity of BPD people. they project their traits into you and you identify with it. Just asking such question makes the probability of you having BPD not much. you are holding yourself accountable for your doings (something that BPDs do not do)

The thing is, as far as I am aware, I had not come into contact with any pwBPD at the point of a lot of this behaviour. Apart from the self harm/suicidal, which was when I started really talking one on one with my old pwBPD friend. Unless my very first ex (the one before the non mentioned in my first post) has BPD or something similar, I suppose it is not impossible he could act very strangely, certainly made me feel worthless and was 100% a pathological liar. However since then (it was a long time ago now) he has apologised genuinely and seems to have grown into a much more stable person; we're friends now, so I don't know if indeed he did have serious mental health issues in the form of a PD.

[Nomad1027]

I think we have all be injured and hurt by our relationships with our BPD SO.

I recognize my codependency on my UxBPDgf. I joined Codependents Anonymous to begin dealing with this and go to therapy as well.  What I have learned is that codependent, like myself, exhibit a lot of traits that are similar, but not identical, to pwBPD. Fear of rejection or mot being good enough, for example, is a little like fear of abandonment. We also seeks to control and manipulate in order to avoid those fears.  We can be emotionally unavailable (we focused on them too much). We seek physical intimacy as a proxy for emotional intimacy because emotional intimacy is too damn hard and scary.

Codependency is different from BPD and is not a lasting, cancerous PD, however. But sometimes, as I've learned more about it, I recognize similar traits. Not everyone who is in, or has been in a relationship with a BPD is codependent. But after you have been abused long enough, people  adapt to survive and they can become codependent or exhibit codependent traits.

I have them, in spades. But I won't for ever. My UxBPDgf, however, will likely stay the same way, forever.

[hurting300]

I acted out a lot with my ex. But I had to have proof she did something... after she discarded me I just knew for sure it was my fault. So I went to a mental health professional and they told me I was fine. I knew nothing about mental illness... my lawyers found out she was sick. The therapist told me when you get with someone like this, they can and will make you crazy.

[Infern0]

Crazy making is very real when you are with a pwBPD.

It's temporary though,  slowly you will get back to normal.

After my BPDEX abandoned me,  I immidiatley latched onto a female friend of mine who was interested in me but I basically tried to transplant the relationship I had with BPD onto her and she freaked out.  Thankfully we are still on good terms but I feel Hella guilty for that.

[Loveofhislife]

Just a quicky here: check out transference and counter transference--it's one of the reasons T's don't like working with Axis II disorders--especially BPD--and they have years of training with boundaries: most of us did not and were nearly eaten alive.

[antjs]

Just a quicky here: check out transference and counter transference--it's one of the reasons T's don't like working with Axis II disorders--especially BPD--and they have years of training with boundaries: most of us did not and were nearly eaten alive.

i was shocked when i read deeply about transference. they transfer the pain of their unresolved issues to you in a subconscious way. toxic people literally can infect you with psychological issues as much as u can get AIDS from sex (physical disease).

[tim_tom]

i was shocked when i read deeply about transference. they transfer the pain of their unresolved issues to you in a subconscious way. toxic people literally can infect you with psychological issues as much as u can get AIDS from sex (physical disease).

Have any links? In my quest to understand how emotionally gutted I was by all this I like to read as much as possible

[antjs]

i was shocked when i read deeply about transference. they transfer the pain of their unresolved issues to you in a subconscious way. toxic people literally can infect you with psychological issues as much as u can get AIDS from sex (physical disease).

Have any links? In my quest to understand how emotionally gutted I was by all this I like to read as much as possible

www.en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transference

here is a start. btw transference can be normal between people. we all do it but they do it very frequent and in a toxic way. some of us "nons" carry the transference from our unresolved childhood issues to our partners too.