Can BPDex's Snap out of it?

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I've read that BPD's can have an 'episode' where they go from loving you, to being flipped like a switch and all of a sudden hating you more than anything.  Thats what my ex did.  Woke up one morning after she was obsessed with me and she hated me for no reason.

If they get into a new relationship 9 days later, idolize them and mirror them...   is it possible for them to wake up one day, Switch Flipped AGAIN, and all of a sudden hate the new person their idolizing so randomly?  Like it was a dream, and miss you again?

[Algae]

I've read that BPD's can have an 'episode' where they go from loving you, to being flipped like a switch and all of a sudden hating you more than anything.  Thats what my ex did.  Woke up one morning after she was obsessed with me and she hated me for no reason.

If they get into a new relationship 9 days later, idolize them and mirror them...   is it possible for them to wake up one day, Switch Flipped AGAIN, and all of a sudden hate the new person their idolizing so randomly?  Like it was a dream, and miss you again?

[willy45]

Unfortunately, in my experience, the answer is yes. If you are lucky, this person won't contact you again. Trust me. It sucks. Why would you want to be with a person who does that?

[Algae]

Unfortunately, in my experience, the answer is yes. If you are lucky, this person won't contact you again. Trust me. It sucks. Why would you want to be with a person who does that?

I agree with your last sentence heavily.

With my ex doing this several times, and me just learning about BPD, I'm just trying to abosrb as much knowledge and opinions from people as possible

[Algae]

Im really curious at what other people think as well

[Infern0]

Yes this can and usually does happen. It's called painting white.

What will happen is inevitably things will start going wrong in the new R/S and the replacement will get painted black,  at this point there is a strong chance you will be painted white.

I had two r/s with borderlines, one queen and one waif.

The ending with the queen was really really messy,  I was younger and more volitile and in the end I flipped into a terrible rage. When she painted me black and verbally raged I fought fire with fire and verbally anhialated her, exposed her affairs,  exposed her cheating at college,  it was brutal on both sides.  I feel I am Permenantly black because I devestated her badly. (I did not know she was BPD) she was slandering me and ruining my life so I launched everything i had at her and she eventually retreated and I never heard from her again

The waif was a different story. I can't get angry at her,  as a result the white paint has already been out

[Algae]

Yes this can and usually does happen. It's called painting white.

What will happen is inevitably things will start going wrong in the new R/S and the replacement will get painted black,  at this point there is a strong chance you will be painted white.

I had two r/s with borderlines, one queen and one waif.

The ending with the queen was really really messy,  I was younger and more volitile and in the end I flipped into a terrible rage. When she painted me black and verbally raged I fought fire with fire and verbally anhialated her, exposed her affairs,  exposed her cheating at college,  it was brutal on both sides.  I feel I am Permenantly black because I devestated her badly. (I did not know she was BPD) she was slandering me and ruining my life so I launched everything i had at her and she eventually retreated and I never heard from her again

The waif was a different story. I can't get angry at her,  as a result the white paint has already been out

Forgive me if I sound naive, when I ask this... but youre saying like, they can go to bed thinking, "Oh I still LOATHE my ex but love my new perfect bf/gf ".  Then they can wake up and think, "Wow I hate my new perfect bf/gf and love my ex who I just broke up with!"

Again forgive me , I just ask a lot of questions to learn/understand as much about this illness as I can

[workinprogress]

Yes this can and usually does happen. It's called painting white.

What will happen is inevitably things will start going wrong in the new R/S and the replacement will get painted black,  at this point there is a strong chance you will be painted white.

I had two r/s with borderlines, one queen and one waif.

The ending with the queen was really really messy,  I was younger and more volitile and in the end I flipped into a terrible rage. When she painted me black and verbally raged I fought fire with fire and verbally anhialated her, exposed her affairs,  exposed her cheating at college,  it was brutal on both sides.  I feel I am Permenantly black because I devestated her badly. (I did not know she was BPD) she was slandering me and ruining my life so I launched everything i had at her and she eventually retreated and I never heard from her again

The waif was a different story. I can't get angry at her,  as a result the white paint has already been out

Forgive me if I sound naive, when I ask this... but youre saying like, they can go to bed thinking, "Oh I still LOATHE my ex but love my new perfect bf/gf ".  Then they can wake up and think, "Wow I hate my new perfect bf/gf and love my ex who I just broke up with!"

Again forgive me , I just ask a lot of questions to learn/understand as much about this illness as I can

I can give you a real life example of what happened to me.

I was devalued by my wife for years.  We had some friends that were a married couple and my wife thought the husband was the funniest and greatest guy around.  It really annoyed me.

Plus I found out that this guy was inviting my wife to go to some business group meetings for breakfast/lunch.

Well, one day, my wife started being very loving to me.  I didn't understand what was going on.

After a few hours she mentioned something that this guy supposedly did that upset his wife.  My wife said, "you would never do that."

It was amazing.  She was baking me cookies, she kissed me in the morning when I woke up.

Then, I asked, ":)id you ever meet the husband for any of those meetings?"

She became very angry and I was painted black again for a couple of years.

I didn't ask the question accusingly.  I was just curious.

So, I went from being painted black for a couple of years, to painted white for a couple of days, to painted black again for a few years.

I guess.

[Algae]

Yes this can and usually does happen. It's called painting white.

What will happen is inevitably things will start going wrong in the new R/S and the replacement will get painted black,  at this point there is a strong chance you will be painted white.

I had two r/s with borderlines, one queen and one waif.

The ending with the queen was really really messy,  I was younger and more volitile and in the end I flipped into a terrible rage. When she painted me black and verbally raged I fought fire with fire and verbally anhialated her, exposed her affairs,  exposed her cheating at college,  it was brutal on both sides.  I feel I am Permenantly black because I devestated her badly. (I did not know she was BPD) she was slandering me and ruining my life so I launched everything i had at her and she eventually retreated and I never heard from her again

The waif was a different story. I can't get angry at her,  as a result the white paint has already been out

Forgive me if I sound naive, when I ask this... but youre saying like, they can go to bed thinking, "Oh I still LOATHE my ex but love my new perfect bf/gf ".  Then they can wake up and think, "Wow I hate my new perfect bf/gf and love my ex who I just broke up with!"

Again forgive me , I just ask a lot of questions to learn/understand as much about this illness as I can

I can give you a real life example of what happened to me.

I was devalued by my wife for years.  We had some friends that were a married couple and my wife thought the husband was the funniest and greatest guy around.  It really annoyed me.

Plus I found out that this guy was inviting my wife to go to some business group meetings for breakfast/lunch.

Well, one day, my wife started being very loving to me.  I didn't understand what was going on.

After a few hours she mentioned something that this guy supposedly did that upset his wife.  My wife said, "you would never do that."

It was amazing.  She was baking me cookies, she kissed me in the morning when I woke up.

Then, I asked, ":)id you ever meet the husband for any of those meetings?"

She became very angry and I was painted black again for a couple of years.

I didn't ask the question accusingly.  I was just curious.

So, I went from being painted black for a couple of years, to painted white for a couple of days, to painted black again for a few years.

I guess.

I suppose thats what happened to me. 

She went from so obsessed with me one night... then we had an argument and the next day she acted like she never knew me

[Emelie Emelie]

Yes. I was totally painted black after the first break up. In a couple of months I was white. Finally got back together. Broke up about five months ago and I've been primarily black ever since. Right now I'm the blackest black. I think it's permanent this time.

[blissful_camper]

I think that when one is in survival mode at all times, when feelings are 'facts,' and need equals love, the switch can be flipped on a whim.    

When my ex wasn't pleased with someone, they were painted black, and treated poorly.  This person became the cause of most of his problems.  He obsessed about them.  But then just as quickly, he could flip the switch and paint them white again.  Most of the time, this seemed to revolve around his needs.  If he needed something from someone he had painted black, he would paint them white again, and approach them with his needs.  He elevated that person to sainthood for a bit, and then, he would find reasons to paint 'em a shade of black and terminate the interaction.  The light switch was turned on-off, on-off at a dizzying speed.  

I observed this once during a conflict which I unsuccessfully tried to resolve.  I was painted black.   He was angry.  He lashed out.  He shut down in angry silent mode.  Since any dialog from me made the situation worse, I went out and helped him in the garden, quietly watering his plants, sometimes reaching out to him to gently rub him on his back, or put my arms around his waist.  He ignored me for almost two hours.  No talking, no hugs back, nothing.  We went inside his home, and he suddenly flipped the switch like nothing had happened because he needed something from me.  

In my opinion, missing someone for a pwBPD is need-based.   It's not missing in the classic way that we define missing someone.  I suppose if your ex has a need that you can fulfill, they'll return.  

Where are you at with that?  Would you allow that, and if so, why?  Conversely, if not allowed, why? In my opinion, that's what oughta be the focus.