Her brother

[KeepOnGoing]

Question: So I'm headed out of town for a wedding with my SO. We usually visit my ex friend wBPD's brother at the nursing home not far from where we stay in this part of the country. I usually visit on my way back home. I've only seen him a couple of times, talked with him on the phone a couple of times, and sent a b-day card at my BPDed friend's request before she painted me black. Her last text to me nearly 90 days ago was her request for time and space apart. I've been NC since then. Her brother is wheelchair bound since his teens from an illness. Is it inappropriate for us to visit him without my ex BPDered friend's knowledge? Her falling out with me is not his fault. I'm not wanting to visit him as a way of trying to connect with her. I just feel visiting him is the right thing to do. I don't want to cause strife with my SO who knows I am totally obsessed with this woman! I keep thinking that visiting the bother in the nursing home is what Jesus would do, but as a friend said, Jesus wouldn't have had the issues I've had with a BPDered person. Thoughts?

[whatathing]

The only thing that makes me think that maybe it´s not a good idea, is that you say you´re obsessed with her. So, maybe if you had really and totally and honestly put her behind, and if you were totally in piece with your past with her, I´d think it would be ok for you to remain friends with her brother even if she wouldn´t like that. But if that´s not the case, maybe it could be a boundary that you need to respect, for your sake. If things aren´t "clean", the aftermath will probably hit you somehow. I think her brother would understand that, and you could always return to the friendship when you´re ready... .

But that´s totally subjective, if you do otherwise, I understand it. Who know what´s the best way to act?

[KeepOnGoing]

Wow, whatathing. Thanks for catching my slip. I HAD been totally obsessed, but I guess driving into her old hometown has already triggered the obsession again, LOL. Her brother probably wouldn't understand. He became disabled, a bit mentally as well, at a young age. It is all so sad. Thanks for the feedback. I'll give it a rest.