Do they love their rebounds like they love us?

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I was in a lesbian relationship for a year and a half.  She left me in March after months of silence and trying to provoke me into arguing.  I didn't argue but I found that I would be defensive.  She left to be alone but She told me she been with her new partner since May. I suspect longer. I know I shouldn't admit this but I saw her rebound put on FB that they  were deeply in love within a few weeks and shortly thereafter posted they were in a relationship, something my ex asked me not to do.  In the last few months, I've received random texts or calls.  Do BPD's typically love their rebounds the way they loved their exes?  Has anyone noticed a pattern of relationships getting shorter and shorter over time? Btw, I am at almost 6 months out and seeming to be more back to myself, at times even having more good days than bad.   The validation of posts in this site have helped tremendously.  Thank you

[Hawk Ridge]

I was in a lesbian relationship for a year and a half.  She left me in March after months of silence and trying to provoke me into arguing.  I didn't argue but I found that I would be defensive.  She left to be alone but She told me she been with her new partner since May. I suspect longer. I know I shouldn't admit this but I saw her rebound put on FB that they  were deeply in love within a few weeks and shortly thereafter posted they were in a relationship, something my ex asked me not to do.  In the last few months, I've received random texts or calls.  Do BPD's typically love their rebounds the way they loved their exes?  Has anyone noticed a pattern of relationships getting shorter and shorter over time? Btw, I am at almost 6 months out and seeming to be more back to myself, at times even having more good days than bad.   The validation of posts in this site have helped tremendously.  Thank you

[PhoenixBlack]

Do BPD's typically love their rebounds the way they loved their exes?

Who knows really?  And to go down that route only leads to pain. Ultimately it doesn't matter. Some of us probably want to believe that what we had with our pwBPD was special right? The unparalleled closeness and deep connection… how could it not be real?  Maybe it was in THAT moment or at THAT time. Maybe they love/need the people who enable them the most. Does some small part of me wish I meant more to my exBPDgf than the ones before me? I suppose so, but that probably says some things about me too. Mine told me that she had never been in love and had never opened up to anyone like this before and that no one else had come close - (yeah, right!). And like a stricken fool, I believed her! In that moment, maybe she believed it too but as has been said on these forums before - their perception (is their) reality and they alter it to suit themselves.

[fred6]

Has anyone noticed a pattern of relationships getting shorter and shorter over time? Btw, I am at almost 6 months out and seeming to be more back to myself, at times even having more good days than bad.

I don't know about them getting shorter as time goes on. Everyone I have talked to has confirmed that my exBPDgf hasn't had a long term relationship in probably 10 years, they only last weeks to months. Hell, even her own words were that, "most guys don't make it 4 months with me". However, she was with me for the past 3 years. But, I met my exBPDgf in the 4th grade and she moved away in the 9th grade. So 22 years later, we reconnected on Facebook, that was 3 years and 2 months ago. I'm 42 and she's 41 in November. So I'm not sure if our prior history in school has anything to do with how long we were together. As far as her new supply, he's 33 and she's 41 with issues, so I don't think that it will last long. But the last thing she told me was that he was just a friend and she's not in a relationship with him. To which I replied, "you mean a friend with benefits, don't you?" But she's already mirroring him on Facebook and probably in person. More than likely to groom him for a relationship.

Maybe he'll last 20 years. Maybe they'll get married. One of my biggest questions to myself is, why was she with me so long when most of her relationships seem to fail so quickly? I feel that most of us will never know the answers to these questions... .

[merlin4926]

I've been asking myself the same question. I started out with a lot of boundarys and was quite a strong person although towards the end I'd pretty much given up everything for him. My replacement is much weaker than I was and already dropping everything for him. He seems happier than ever but I wonder if it is likely to blow up quicker because they will get intimate sooner.

I know I want to believe that what we had was real and what they have isn't but I guess she and I could have been anyone. I just happened to be around when he was lonely, she happened to be there when he knew I had started to see through him. So hard to deal with though

[hurting300]

I will say this about the question, the blacker you are to them the deeper her connection was or still is to you. That's a fact.

[fred6]

I will say this about the question, the blacker you are to them the deeper her connection was or still is to you. That's a fact.

Is that true? I haven't seen anything about that? Any additional info?

[hurting300]

I believe it is true. Various sites mention this... because they more they hate you the more of a chance of them contacting.

[stuckgirl]

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I believe it is true. Various sites mention this... because they more they hate you the more of a chance of them contacting.

think it might be because they feel that the relationship blowup with the completely blackened person was their fault or a failure,and they feel it more because the r/s was such a failure,which makes them feel more insecure than because of less blackened r/s,and they want to get the security back by getting approval from them

[fred6]

.

I believe it is true. Various sites mention this... because they more they hate you the more of a chance of them contacting.

think it might be because they feel that the relationship blowup with the completely blackened person was their fault or a failure,and they feel it more because the r/s was such a failure,which makes them feel more insecure than because of less blackened r/s,and they want to get the security back by getting approval from them

But is it that they actually hate you? Or that they hate themselves and are projecting their self hate onto you? I thought these people couldn't admit their own fault and that's why they split you black, because they blame you for all the things that have happened. I think mine knows that she was the one who blew up the relationship. However, she isn't the type to sit down and admit to cheating, lying, and being an all around jackass to me for 2 months straight. I feel that her pride, shame, guilt, or whatever you call it, prevents her from doing this. She knows that she can't fix this, so why even try?

Her last words to me were, "I know you think I'm being a b___ about all of this". I didn't reply, but I was thinking. "I do think you are being a b___ about all of this, but you must know that you're being a b___ about all of this by even saying it".

[hurting300]

Projection is something we all do. Yes they hate us for awhile, that's why they are with someone else and giving us the silent treatment. They are stuck at a two or three year old maturity level. I could care less if mine loves or hates me. I'm going to win that war.

[Infern0]

In the case of mine her rebound rs is a joke.

She treats him like dirt, , trashes him behind his back and bleeds him dry.

The fact she still contacts me shows me she hasn't learned anything about respect or appropriate behavior.

I actually told her what she was doing wasn't fair on him, her response "he wants me to have you in my life"

... .good grief

[hurting300]

Wow... she just can't get enough can she

[Deeno02]

Got 16 months out of mine.  Thank god i didnt marry. I would get vaporized over something like not spending time with her, or i worked late and couldnt come over, or even to spend time with my kids (we had two separate households, grass doesnt magically get mowed itself). But i was wrong there too. Constant, stop by and at least hug me got played to much as well. Unfortunately,  we got together before she had divorced, stay at home mom with 5 kids, so not alot going for her. The constant ambush of "you never treat me special" week in week out wore me out. Good thing was i could escape to my house.  This lady was always on the go. Me not so much because i had one in college and one that spent 50% with his mom. Her schedule was horrible. 2 in soccer clubs all over the place, Volleyball both her and the kids, but yet i was supposed to anticipate her needs and be there at her beck and call. Think it may have been the best thing to happen getting dumped. Been about a month now, NC not so long, but im still crushed. Now its according to her, i never called, never came over, still not over ex, my daughter was a cock block, i didnt fight for her back (after i was dumped,  go figure) never got me any gifts, blamed a one time incident of not getting it up on her (that was one i hadnt heard before, and yes i did have the problem once and only once, but nothing was ever mentioned about a fault) i dont help. Blah, it was dizzying. Im still in love with her... .jeez. home alone, shes out with new guy. But, i think this is right, getting dumped. Only concern is contact. VB season is coming up and she coaches my son... .lord have mercy... .i think they think they love. Period. They loved me, so she will love him. Till he does something wrong.