Did I do good?

[LilHurt420]

After being sure we were headed for divorce... .of course uBPDh had a change of heart and things have been calm for 2 weeks.  We seemed to be doing ok, until yesterday.  Yesterday he wanted me to make him lunch.  We were both laying down watching football.  I had to go grocery shopping and as soon as I mentioned he asks me to make him lunch or go buy him something while I'm out.  He has no money cause he's irresponsible with all his money... .so of course that meant me having to buy it for him.  I said to him that it was getting annoying to have to be the sole provider of every single meal for him.  He's an adult and should be able to handle lunch while I go to the store. (this was all in a joking type manor... .not serious really)

He said (kinda jokingly) that I should have to make all his food since I'm his wife.  So I asked what does it mean that he's my husband.  He told me it meant he has to protect me all the time.  I couldn't help it... .I kinda laughed.  He said "don't I?" and I couldn't hold back and said "no, you hurt the most out of everyone... .and you know that"

So he got quiet... .went in the other room.  Refused to eat dinner or take the lunch I make him while making our sons lunch everyday today and has ignored me.  Of course he had to get a rise out of me so this morning he straight out lies to me saying he told me on Friday he had to be to work early and couldn't bring our son to school.  I had a dentist appt, so I wasn't going to be able to bring him either.  He still claimed that he told me and that I told him I was going to go to the appt late and to work late.  Only we never had that conversation and I don't even go in the office on Mondays, I work from home so I would never ever say I'm going into work late (it wouldn't even make sense).  So I rushed out son to get ready so he could get out the door with him.

I texted him to ask for the schdule for the week so I have it in writing and this won't happen again... .but of course he ignored me.  So I went out and brought a white board for the fridge to put down each day who's going to drop off/pick up our son.

I feel proud of myself... .like I'm starting to get 1 step ahead of his craziness.  I can't believe my life has come to this though

[Mutt]

My ex still does this and it happened just this last week. Shared custody and she asked this last visit for the kids back to school clothes that was sent 3 weeks ago and library books for S6 that was returned. We communicate only by email. Black and white in an email.

She swore that I still hadn't returned said items etc.

She's dissociating. My old self before I arrived on bpdfamily would of argued with her because she's not making tangible sense. I used to try to get her to understand logic. Doesn't work well with someone that has a distorted belief system.

I understand having things written down on a schedule etc He's changing reality to match his out of place feelings. It is an emotional based disorder. If he feels bad, guilt, shame he can't cope with these feelings. He wants to feel good. He alters and changes reality to feel better.

It is frustrating LilHurt420 when our partners keep moving the yardstick and I'm sorry for the frustrated feelings. I personally am indifferent knowing why my ex is dissociating (lying) because it's not about me. It's about her and her maladaptive coping mechanism to protect the self. She doesn't feel good and lacks a stable sense of self. I radically accept her dissociations and I let whatever she's feeling bad about pass.

There's no right or wrong here and I certainly don't think you did bad. It's difficult to understand why he's dissociating from what you wrote. I can't think in a disordered fashion and will never figure every behavior out. I think knowing why a pwBPD acts differently than non-disordered helps us to de-personalize.