Ultra Quick Attachment quickly followed by Ultra quick and complete detachment

[tim_tom]

Is this trait exclusive to pwBPD or other personality disorders? Can healthy people do the same thing?

I read on the board a lot that people struggle with the same thing I am. How someone can tell you things like love you more then anyone else, want to spend the rest of my life with you etc... so quickly (mine was less then a month). And then when they decide to go (i'd assume meeting someone else), they can behave so coldy and unemotionally towards you, like you are just a minor acquaintance?

I feel hook line and sinker for the first act, but could never do the second act. I still have strong feelings for her, and even though I myself was contemplating leaving in the months leading to breakup, had I done so it would have been difficult, tear filled and I'd always be warm to her. She was the one towards the end pushing for marriage, and I was dragging my feet.

Maybe after years and year or abuse where you stay so long that the relationship has been dead for years, but not after 1 year, particularly absent any form of bad treatment?

Just curious if emotionally healthy people do the same thing, or if this is a major sign that there is something wrong?

[Tater tot]

Tom Tom- I'm no expert but I do think splitting is the disorder. I don't believe that healthy individuals can go all in one moment, and completely cold and distant the next. It's hard for a non to wrap their heads around such a complete and utter 180.  Someone here said before, and which I believe, that the pwBPD does mean what they say in the moment that they said those things to us, but that doesn't mean that they will mean those things a month from now or even a day from now. It really is like a switch that goes on and off.  The instant connection, idolization, head over heels quickly is classic BPD and almost everyone has the exact same story about how their relationships began. They want to be loved, they project that sense of one of a kind love onto you, because that's what they are desperately searching for, yet they have not idea what to do with when they get it. I don't believe they understand adult mature love, which is entails comprise, sacrifice, and selflessness at times. They view it in the stunted terms of their emotional maturity level, as a child who just wants to be loved, but doesn't understand love.

I think back on my previous relationships; how they began, how they ended, and my relationship with my exes... .and for the most part they are all the same. Mutual care and respect for each other even if the romantic relationship has ended. This BU is so different, I am the same but I'm dealing with a disorder this time, and not the person.

[Rifka]

Is this trait exclusive to pwBPD or other personality disorders? Can healthy people do the same thing?

I read on the board a lot that people struggle with the same thing I am. How someone can tell you things like love you more then anyone else, want to spend the rest of my life with you etc... so quickly (mine was less then a month). And then when they decide to go (i'd assume meeting someone else), they can behave so coldy and unemotionally towards you, like you are just a minor acquaintance?

I feel hook line and sinker for the first act, but could never do the second act. I still have strong feelings for her, and even though I myself was contemplating leaving in the months leading to breakup, had I done so it would have been difficult, tear filled and I'd always be warm to her. She was the one towards the end pushing for marriage, and I was dragging my feet.

Maybe after years and year or abuse where you stay so long that the relationship has been dead for years, but not after 1 year, particularly absent any form of bad treatment?

Just curious if emotionally healthy people do the same thing, or if this is a major sign that there is something wrong?

Words are just words to some people! Actions speak more clearly and honestly!

When somebody talks the talk but refuses to walk the walk, it says so much!

Some People also lie to get what they want!


My exBPDbf even told me that he lies because people want to hear lies, so he is pleasing them and being nice to let them hear what they want to hear!

Pretty distorted! I told him I never want to be lied to from the first day we became friends.

HE STILL LIED COMPULSIVELY, HONESTLY I HAVE NO IDEA IF THERE WAS ANY TRUTH TO ANYTHING THAT EVER FELL OFF HIS LIPS, BUT ITS NOT MY PROBLEM ANYMORE, THANK GOODNESS!

[BlackandBlue]

Is this trait exclusive to pwBPD or other personality disorders? Can healthy people do the same thing?

I read on the board a lot that people struggle with the same thing I am. How someone can tell you things like love you more then anyone else, want to spend the rest of my life with you etc... so quickly (mine was less then a month). And then when they decide to go (i'd assume meeting someone else), they can behave so coldy and unemotionally towards you, like you are just a minor acquaintance?

I feel hook line and sinker for the first act, but could never do the second act. I still have strong feelings for her, and even though I myself was contemplating leaving in the months leading to breakup, had I done so it would have been difficult, tear filled and I'd always be warm to her. She was the one towards the end pushing for marriage, and I was dragging my feet.

Maybe after years and year or abuse where you stay so long that the relationship has been dead for years, but not after 1 year, particularly absent any form of bad treatment?

Just curious if emotionally healthy people do the same thing, or if this is a major sign that there is something wrong?

Tim Tom my relationship with my exBPDgf went EXACTLY the same! I even quoted one of your posts about it yesterday about it. I just cant wrap my head around any of what happened at the end. We had all these hopes and dreams one day and she would tell me she couldn't live without me and the next day its over? Just like that? I tried to be friends with her after the bu happened but it wasn't possible. She was still trying to manipulate me and if I brought it to her attention she would snap and get so mean and nasty. I never talked to her that way and dont understand why she did that to me. She would eventually would apologize for her actions but after awhile like you said, I was more like a minor acquaintance. What sucks is I have to work with her and the only time I speak to her is if it work related and she very cold toward me. It hurts to be treated this way!

[tim_tom]

Tim Tom my relationship with my exBPDgf went EXACTLY the same! I even quoted one of your posts about it yesterday about it. I just cant wrap my head around any of what happened at the end. We had all these hopes and dreams one day and she would tell me she couldn't live without me and the next day its over? Just like that? I tried to be friends with her after the bu happened but it wasn't possible. She was still trying to manipulate me and if I brought it to her attention she would snap and get so mean and nasty. I never talked to her that way and dont understand why she did that to me. She would eventually would apologize for her actions but after awhile like you said, I was more like a minor acquaintance. What sucks is I have to work with her and the only time I speak to her is if it work related and she very cold toward me. It hurts to be treated this way!

Yeah man, I feel for you. It's the most maddenning ego killing thing that has ever happenned to me. 4 days before she bailed, she invited my my family over to dinner and was excitedly showing everyone pictures of where we were going to get married. Then, 3 days later she needs to go home for while, stops responding to texts in anything resembling a timely manner, and ends it 4 days later. Later told me what I already knew, that we were breaking up the minute she needed to go home.

Saw her for the first time 5 days later, cold as ___, asked her how/what she could switch so quickly... just said "things change"... in 3 ___ing days!

This whole thing has left me a broken person, and the most i get out of her, when I have spoke to her is 1 and 2 word answers

[Waifed]

A love avoidant person can do this. There is a great book called "Facing Love Addiction" by Pia Mellody that describes the Love Addict/Love Avoidant relationship.

[tim_tom]

A love avoidant person can do this. There is a great book called "Facing Love Addiction" by Pia Mellody that describes the Love Addict/Love Avoidant relationship.

Thanks... I just read about that, to be honest some of it fits but she's outgoing, outspoken, puts herself in the spotlight and in social situations. Talks to anyone. Doesn't fit some of the criteria, just the fear stuff

[Waifed]

A love avoidant person can do this. There is a great book called "Facing Love Addiction" by Pia Mellody that describes the Love Addict/Love Avoidant relationship.

Thanks... I just read about that, to be honest some of it fits but she's outgoing, outspoken, puts herself in the spotlight and in social situations. Talks to anyone. Doesn't fit some of the criteria, just the fear stuff

Sounds like strong Histrionic traits. I think some have bigger issues with engulfment than abandonment. I know mine did. We played around her engulfment issues for 3 years. I also have engulfment issues that stem from my childhood relationship with my mother so I could somewhat relate to the way she felt but hers was much more extreme than mine. When two love avoidants are in a relationship the weaker avoidant will often turn into a love addict. This drives the avoidant further and further away enhancing their engulfment. This happened to me. My first and only experience as a love addict. I was pretty pathetic the last few months.

[BlackandBlue]

Im positive my ex has BPD. I had no clue about BPD while I was with her. I didnt learn about BPD until a few months after the BU. She actually had me convinced that it was my fault that we broke up for those few months too. I was beating myself up so bad! She accused me of lying to her at the beginning and being all romantic just to lure her in but only to change after we were together after awhile. I know i did change after awhile because she was running me into to ground and i was so stressed out and depressed. But still, i treated her amazing and it was never good enough. I am thankful for BPD family because ive learned so much here and its a relief knowing it really wasnt all my fault.

[tim_tom]

Im positive my ex has BPD. I had no clue about BPD while I was with her. I didnt learn about BPD until a few months after the BU. She actually had me convinced that it was my fault that we broke up for those few months too. I was beating myself up so bad! She accused me of lying to her at the beginning and being all romantic just to lure her in but only to change after we were together after awhile. I know i did change after awhile because she was running me into to ground and i was so stressed out and depressed. But still, i treated her amazing and it was never good enough. I am thankful for BPD family because ive learned so much here and its a relief knowing it really wasnt all my fault.

100%... She wanted me to maintain the honeymoon phase, she didn't have to act that way any longer but I did. If I didn't I was shamed and made to feel guilty, never happy. At some point you just through up your hands and give up