Got an apology too sort of

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I don't want to paste the whole thing here for anonymity... The crux of the communication was getting her stuff back, I told her I will leave her stuff outside, she wants to come in and talk. Wants to get on Monday, with a whopping 3 days notice.

But the highlights are, my comments in ()

How are you, how is family, what are you doing for birthday . (no comment)

Wishes we could talk, and I wouldn't ignore her. So much is going on in her life that she wants to tell me about when I am ready. (yes, as always, about her)

States, she respects my need to not speak to her or see her...  (but continues breaking NC then goes into all the reasons I should see her... )

I occupy a big space in her heart, and she will love me forever. (Just not as much as the new supply?)

I was a big part of her life, and she wants doesn't want to pretend we don't mean anything to one another. Doesn't know why it has to be like this (Gee I don't know, maybe because I am a human being with feelings of my own that don't revolve around your feelings. She had no problem I didn't exist for the vast majority of the past 6 weeks)

Please, PLEASE don't leave my stuff outside, let me come in and do it together, like adults  (non direct shot at me that happened over and over in r/s)

I want to talk one on one, just you and I (Would've been helpful pre breakup!)

I miss the girls (my kids), and have a gift for them. Please don't throw it away, you can give it to them when they are older. (Yes, my kids cry for her all the time, but the gift will make it all better)

Thank you for everything and I am sorry for all the pain that I cause (sincere? A moment of clarity? Don't know, for the last 6 weeks I was all my fault)

Ended with Love Always (Ha!)

--

warmer then ever, no talk of a recycle though. I thought it was just about getting her stuff back, and called her on it, but it seems she does indeed want to talk.

My guess is that she doesn't want me to hate her. She was always obsessed with people hating her, not matter how significant they were in her life. Couldn't stand it. maybe it's control also, she wants in, maybe to see if she forgot anything, I don't want her in my house and told her.

I have a hard time taking this at face value, knowing what i know of her, how she ended it and how she's acted the last 6 weeks.



Thoughts?

[tim_tom]

I don't want to paste the whole thing here for anonymity... The crux of the communication was getting her stuff back, I told her I will leave her stuff outside, she wants to come in and talk. Wants to get on Monday, with a whopping 3 days notice.

But the highlights are, my comments in ()

How are you, how is family, what are you doing for birthday . (no comment)

Wishes we could talk, and I wouldn't ignore her. So much is going on in her life that she wants to tell me about when I am ready. (yes, as always, about her)

States, she respects my need to not speak to her or see her...  (but continues breaking NC then goes into all the reasons I should see her... )

I occupy a big space in her heart, and she will love me forever. (Just not as much as the new supply?)

I was a big part of her life, and she wants doesn't want to pretend we don't mean anything to one another. Doesn't know why it has to be like this (Gee I don't know, maybe because I am a human being with feelings of my own that don't revolve around your feelings. She had no problem I didn't exist for the vast majority of the past 6 weeks)

Please, PLEASE don't leave my stuff outside, let me come in and do it together, like adults  (non direct shot at me that happened over and over in r/s)

I want to talk one on one, just you and I (Would've been helpful pre breakup!)

I miss the girls (my kids), and have a gift for them. Please don't throw it away, you can give it to them when they are older. (Yes, my kids cry for her all the time, but the gift will make it all better)

Thank you for everything and I am sorry for all the pain that I cause (sincere? A moment of clarity? Don't know, for the last 6 weeks I was all my fault)

Ended with Love Always (Ha!)

--

warmer then ever, no talk of a recycle though. I thought it was just about getting her stuff back, and called her on it, but it seems she does indeed want to talk.

My guess is that she doesn't want me to hate her. She was always obsessed with people hating her, not matter how significant they were in her life. Couldn't stand it. maybe it's control also, she wants in, maybe to see if she forgot anything, I don't want her in my house and told her.

I have a hard time taking this at face value, knowing what i know of her, how she ended it and how she's acted the last 6 weeks.



Thoughts?

[JRav59]

You weren't kidding! That is exactly what my ex sounds like!  DO NOT GIVE HER AN INCH! When I was cleaning out our old apartment (which she left for me completely to take care of) I found old break up letters to past partners from her. They all resemble what I am witnessing now. Some of these letters were from/to the girl right before me. She manipulated her anyway possible to get something from her, whether is be documents, etc. I feel so stupid. I always will wonder if this new girl is the love of her life.

I watched her as a friend go through a suicide attempt, abusive relationships, homelessness and unemployment. I lifted that little parasite up like it was no ones business. In the end, you can't help a truly sick person.

[antjs]

if she does not want a recycle, once you give her validation or the feeling that you are still there for her (under her control) she will paint you black again and you will get what you have been getting for the past 6 weeks. read the stories here of people becoming "friends" after the break up. becoming friends with an ex to the BPD is the golden opportunity. someone to handle their needs without any entitlement. she could get whatever she wants from you (she knows that you accepting to be friends then you have malignant hope that one day you might date again), play mind games and in the end she will give you "we are just friends. what were you thinking ?" card. OR one day you will wake up to find complete disappearance of her, not even one beep and it will hurt like f***.

[tim_tom]

You weren't kidding! That is exactly what my ex sounds like!  DO NOT GIVE HER AN INCH! When I was cleaning out our old apartment (which she left for me completely to take care of) I found old break up letters to past partners from her. They all resemble what I am witnessing now. Some of these letters were from/to the girl right before me. She manipulated her anyway possible to get something from her, whether is be documents, etc. I feel so stupid. I always will wonder if this new girl is the love of her life.

I watched her as a friend go through a suicide attempt, abusive relationships, homelessness and unemployment. I lifted that little parasite up like it was no ones business. In the end, you can't help a truly sick person.

I am choosing to see this as some validation that she still cares. Even if it's an attempt make me not hate her, it means she cares.

I am learning about the power of rationalization and trying to apply it here. It's a powerful tool for suppressing emotional response.

[Mr Hollande]

"Please, PLEASE don't leave my stuff outside... ."

Thoughts?

Do exactly that!

[Infern0]

Mine also said "can't we talk about this like adults"

Something which had been impossible in the past on her end.

Then it was "I don't understand why you hate me" which she was the one who repeatedly said she hated me.

In the end I gave in, I don't hate her and told her as much. I've had sporadic communication since,  she hasn't attacked me at least but she's fading away. It doesn't bother me tbh,  I hear from her once in a while for about 4 or 5 text then she vanishes mid conversation and I just let her go, then she comes back a few days later with some other problem which I give BS advice on.

In my case,  letting her think she's won is easiest.  Pretty sure the texts will stop completely soon and I'll have got out of it with minimal drama

I don't think she really wants anything much from me anymore,  just to know I'm "there" now and then,  but she seems to be bored of me now

[Blimblam]

if she does not want a recycle, once you give her validation or the feeling that you are still there for her (under her control) she will paint you black again and you will get what you have been getting for the past 6 weeks. read the stories here of people becoming "friends" after the break up. becoming friends with an ex to the BPD is the golden opportunity. someone to handle their needs without any entitlement. she could get whatever she wants from you (she knows that you accepting to be friends then you have malignant hope that one day you might date again), play mind games and in the end she will give you "we are just friends. what were you thinking ?" card. OR one day you will wake up to find complete disappearance of her, not even one beep and it will hurt like f***.

Exactly. This has been my experience.

[AwakenedOne]

I occupy a big space in her heart, and she will love me forever.

In REALITY, considering the things that she has done to you how does that quote of hers make any fkn sense?

My translation: "I occupy a big space in my heart, that's why I am so selfish, I will need you forever possibly so it's best if you stay on call 24/7 for life."

[Blimblam]

I occupy a big space in her heart, and she will love me forever.

In REALITY, considering the things that she has done to you how does that quote of hers make any fkn sense?

My translation: "I occupy a big space in my heart, that's why I am so selfish, I will need you forever possibly so it's best if you stay on call 24/7 for life."

Lol so true.

I think what it comes down to is they care so much how other people think about them. They want to make sure you think highly of them to help hide from their inner pain. The thing is the way they go about it is perplexing to our minds.

[Infern0]

It's completely ridiculous,  mine went from utter hatred and venom to "I don't understand why you hate me so much,  and I know your friends all hate me"

Obviously I broke and told her nobody hates her.

I don't "hate" her,  my friends do however. 

It's mind boggling though,  no apology whatsoever.  I really don't know where the kind, quiet,  loving girl I knew went. She's been replaced by a monster and it makes me so sad. Oh well onwards and upwards

[tim_tom]

Color me not surprised...

I woke up 2x this night to very vivid dreams that we have gotten back together. I woke up and it took me a few seconds to realize it was just a dream. The strangest thing is that the first time, the recycle occurred in my home I shared with my ex wife, and my ex wife was there and we were all happy. My subconscious must be in overdrive processing all kinds of wounds.

First dream I've had about her in weeks, and the last ones I had were all slanted negative towards her.

And here in lies the inherent cruelty in the latest splitting white, and/or manipulation. While my thinking mind can understand she is unwell and can't be taken at face value. My emotional mind is less cynical, and in some sense hopes a recycle is coming.

Lol! just want I needed... .more incongruity. Such is life aboard the BPD crazy train

[Mr Hollande]

Such is life aboard the BPD crazy train.

Only if you ride it.

[tim_tom]

Only if you ride it.

I think the fact that we are here posting about it tells us we are still aboard in some manner. With the exception of those that stick around long after healing in an effort to help the newcomers (which may be you)

[Mr Hollande]

Only if you ride it.

I think the fact that we are here posting about it tells us we are still aboard in some manner. With the exception of those that stick around long after healing in an effort to help the newcomers (which may be you)

I was unceremoniously thrown off when my first class ticket expired in May but yes, in my head I'm still riding it.