Dream

[freedom33]

Last night I dreamt of a woman. She was advising me and telling me that if I stayed for a little longer with my ex things would have worked out and that we would have found a point of equilibrium and that it takes time to build trust. In fact my exgf used to say that her grandmother said to her 'it takes a long time to build a friend'. As I was dreaming I felt that the woman in the dream was right.

When I woke up I came to my senses. In my previous breaks with her I also had positive dreams of her that eventually served to somehow influence me to give the relationship another chance.

What is it with all these dreams? Wishful thinking?

[Blimblam]

Wow I don't know what to say

[Mr Hollande]

When I woke up I came to my senses. In my previous breaks with her I also had positive dreams of her that eventually served to somehow influence me to give the relationship another chance.

What is it with all these dreams? Wishful thinking?

I don't need to patronise you by telling you how the message in those old dreams turned out, do I?

I tend to interpret dreams as saying the opposite thing.

[tim_tom]

Last night I dreamt of a woman. She was advising me and telling me that if I stayed for a little longer with my ex things would have worked out and that we would have found a point of equilibrium and that it takes time to build trust. In fact my exgf used to say that her grandmother said to her 'it takes a long time to build a friend'. As I was dreaming I felt that the woman in the dream was right.

When I woke up I came to my senses. In my previous breaks with her I also had positive dreams of her that eventually served to somehow influence me to give the relationship another chance.

What is it with all these dreams? Wishful thinking?

subconscious processing of something you were thinking/feeling/experiencing that day... (or recently)

i went through 6 weeks of coldness post BU, like she was a different person... Yesterday I received an email with warmth that reminded me of the girl i loved. My conscious mind quickly figured out her ulterior motives. But my subconscious mind had other ideas

I had 2 separate dreams of a recycle last night. I awoke from the first one a 4:00 am, feeling as though we were back together... it was so real and took me a minute or two to realize it was just a dream.

the weirdest thing is that the recycle occurred in my marital home of 7 years ago, my ex wife was there too, and the 3 of us were all happy and smiling. For those who know my story, my exBPD was toxicly obsessed with hatred for my ex wife and it was her go to devaluation. So, the whole thing was wishful thinking of some kind

[ReluctantSurvivor]

I had dreams of my exBPDgf every night for over a month after our split.  I ask my T about it and he said it is our subconcious working through things.  At first it was all nightmares, I would awake heartbroken.  Then the dreams were nothing more than me and her smiling and looking into each others eyes.  The past few weeks I have not remembered my dreams and I hope it stays that way.  I have not recycled. This was our first break.

[Blimblam]

Last night I dreamt of a woman. She was advising me and telling me that if I stayed for a little longer with my ex things would have worked out and that we would have found a point of equilibrium and that it takes time to build trust. In fact my exgf used to say that her grandmother said to her 'it takes a long time to build a friend'. As I was dreaming I felt that the woman in the dream was right.

When I woke up I came to my senses. In my previous breaks with her I also had positive dreams of her that eventually served to somehow influence me to give the relationship another chance.

What is it with all these dreams? Wishful thinking?

I interpret this as how you relate to your anima. As a reflection of your general distrust in women right now. And it takes time to build trust with your own anima. Your ex is just the object which you identify as your anima.

[yaryu]

I received some vivid dream of similar things, mostly it's the both of us being affectionate towards each other.  The emotions were intense, something I have not felt in a long time.  Then like a switch just immediately pulled out of the dream back into reality.  I really did not enjoy waking up to start my day with her on my mind then immediately feeling the dread to cancel out all those wonderful emotions.  Then feeling apathetic for the rest of the day.

At least I know I'm capable of feeling, even though it's at the subconscious level.  I don't believe we can replicate such interaction in real life.  I'm dreaming of two people, even though I could identify it is the both of us, doesn't even exist.

Wishful thinking, I'm only dreaming of what used to be during our honeymoon phase.

[Blimblam]

I received some vivid dream of similar things, mostly it's the both of us being affectionate towards each other.  The emotions were intense, something I have not felt in a long time.  Then like a switch just immediately pulled out of the dream back into reality.  I really did not enjoy waking up to start my day with her on my mind then immediately feeling the dread to cancel out all those wonderful emotions.  Then feeling apathetic for the rest of the day.

At least I know I'm capable of feeling, even though it's at the subconscious level.  I don't believe we can replicate such interaction in real life.  I'm dreaming of two people, even though I could identify it is the both of us, doesn't even exist.

Wishful thinking, I'm only dreaming of what used to be during our honeymoon phase.

I highly suggest looking into the anima. The female persona you interact with in your dream was your anima the shadow female aspects of the self.

[blissful_camper]

I had a lot of dreams during the r/s, and after the b/u.  I hardly have them anymore.

Within the first few months of seeing him, I had a most interesting dream and the topic was therapy. 

This dream came after his first rage. He was so distraught that he had raged at me, and that his patterns were repeating in our relationship, he announced that he was seeking therapy. I was relieved and overjoyed that he was taking that step. Three weeks later he supposedly had his first session with the therapist. He was optimistic and seemed committed to therapy. "Every Tuesday at 3pm," he'd say. "Gotta go to therapy, call you later!"

After a few of his "sessions" I had a dream where a voice told me that we would be fine after he finished therapy. 

Each week he talked about how helpful therapy was. A month later I told him about the dream. He became defensive, and I didn't understand why. He became angry and asked if I'd said that because I didn't believe that he was going to therapy. I calmed him down and reassured him, and let him know that I was proud of him for being in therapy.

The therapy ruse continued for about 6 months. Sadly, the whole thing was a lie. So I would not leave him.

What my dream was telling me is that he needed therapy. The relationship wouldn't be fine unless he went to, and completed therapy. Intensive, long term therapy.   The dream was highlighting what I already knew, and my brain was trying to get my attention.

I found out later that he'd never been to therapy with his ex wife as he had claimed. He is someone who is aware he has issues, but refuses to take the necessary steps toward recovery.

[goldylamont]

that's a terrible thing to have to go through blissful_camper. lying for months about therapy, yet on top of this purposefully leading you on to satisfy his own needs. sorry about this b_c 

[goldylamont]

Last night I dreamt of a woman. She was advising me and telling me that if I stayed for a little longer with my ex things would have worked out and that we would have found a point of equilibrium and that it takes time to build trust. In fact my exgf used to say that her grandmother said to her 'it takes a long time to build a friend'. As I was dreaming I felt that the woman in the dream was right.

When I woke up I came to my senses. In my previous breaks with her I also had positive dreams of her that eventually served to somehow influence me to give the relationship another chance.

What is it with all these dreams? Wishful thinking?

i do think it was wishful thinking, however i don't think you should be worried about this too much. i think this dream was a true part of your psyche which needed to be heard, seen and felt. in a sense i'm willing to bet that now that you've had this dream and experienced its truth fully, then were able to wake up and recognize that this is no longer your truth--i think this is a form of release. i would say the more important event is that you woke up and came to your senses. call and response. this old part of you now has more freedom to pass and the new to take charge of this space in your belief system.

i don't recall many dreams of my own to be honest. i tend to day dream a lot so i remember much more of this. freedom33 i do recall one dream i had and really i should call it a nightmare. i think i had to work through some fears i was holding onto. i woke up feeling sad and powerless, and dirty. but i think i must have needed to feel these things. sadness slows us down to a crawl, which allows us to let go of things. my dream was sexual in nature, and my ex was naked next to me being very seductive. she was completely naked, but was completely covered in a nasty green ooze. i can't describe the color it was like it green swamp slime but slightly phosphorescent. it just felt dirty, wrong. and no matter what i was still turned on. i think we had sex i'm not sure, the dream wasn't about the sex it was about the fact that i still couldn't control myself even though i was disgusted. it really was a nightmare, i felt terrible waking up. but in a way i feel it was necessary for me to go through this. i think this was an ugly nasty part of my psyche that needed to be released.

[blissful_camper]

that's a terrible thing to have to go through blissful_camper. lying for months about therapy, yet on top of this purposefully leading you on to satisfy his own needs. sorry about this b_c 

Thank you Goldy.    Difficult lessons learned.