She threatens to leave, I want to stay

[Depression = 72% of members]

I want to stay so badly it hurts. I love my girlfriend with BPD so much. She has shown me more love than anyone else, and caused me to be a better person. The problem is that whenever I am less than perfect, she wants to break up and claims to hate me. I am so hurt by her games. She tells me it's all my fault, that I am crazy, etc. I just want to be happy. The silent treatment is so painful. I am so afraid one day she will really carry out her threats and leave me. I know our relationship is not necessarily healthy, but I can't imagine being with or loving anyone else. I love her, faults and all. I am trying not to be needy while she ignores me but it's so hard because normally she is in constant contact with me. I feel like she's been gone a week, but it's only been a few hours. The intensity of our union both thrills and frightens me. I know she always gone around, but I still believe every threat. Every time she says we are done I believe it. Maybe this time it's real? Such an emotional roller coaster.

[RebeccaN]

I want to stay so badly it hurts. I love my girlfriend with BPD so much. She has shown me more love than anyone else, and caused me to be a better person. The problem is that whenever I am less than perfect, she wants to break up and claims to hate me. I am so hurt by her games. She tells me it's all my fault, that I am crazy, etc. I just want to be happy. The silent treatment is so painful. I am so afraid one day she will really carry out her threats and leave me. I know our relationship is not necessarily healthy, but I can't imagine being with or loving anyone else. I love her, faults and all. I am trying not to be needy while she ignores me but it's so hard because normally she is in constant contact with me. I feel like she's been gone a week, but it's only been a few hours. The intensity of our union both thrills and frightens me. I know she always gone around, but I still believe every threat. Every time she says we are done I believe it. Maybe this time it's real? Such an emotional roller coaster.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Rapt Reader]

Hi, RebeccaN & 

I'm truly sorry for the pain you are going through with your girlfriend; it's awful when we are so insecure with our partner, and I know how sad it is to not be able to trust the relationship. Have you had the chance to check out the links to the right-hand side of this page? There is so much information there, and it will give you a good understanding of how your girlfriend's mind works and some communication tools and techniques in order to help you deal with her better... .

I also would like to suggest some Books for you to read that can help you deal with your situation. Another one (not listed at that link) is "Co-Dependent No More" by Melody Beattie. If you haven't read that one, I highly recommend it... .Your story reminds me of myself at an earlier time in my marriage, and that book especially helped me out of that hamster wheel of pain and confusion and begging and crying, in relation to my Husband's behaviors that sound a lot like your girlfriend's.

I'm so sorry for the situation you are in, RebeccaN, but very happy that you have found our family... .We'd really like to help