My exBPDgf, well... .
I'll set the scene:
It's 340am, I've been watching lots of Californication, the shows making me cry guys, in places it's just so well written. But I'm thinking of my ex. I text her and I tell her that I love her - she knows I do anyway, but she's kinda my Karen (wife of the protagonist Hank, in the show). All is well, I'm expecting a telling off tomorrow, I go to bed.
I start falling asleep and I get a text "I've just been... oh my G**"
So I ask her whats wrong.
She rings me and says she's been raped, shes literally hysterical, I've heard her upset before but this is unbelievable. I go downstairs, talk to her. This leads to a good hunt round my area to find her, eventually I find her by her old high school. I give her a smoke. we talk, then we kiss. But I
have to get her home. I offer her to stay at my place, but in the end I start walking her home.
We get to a short-cut, its through a path and some fields. It literally knocks half an hour off the journey. We are talking about everything, its almost as if nothing has happened to her. But rather than make me feel better this worries me. I mean, I completely believe her, but I'm actually a little concerned about her.
Anyway, we've done a heck of a lot of kissing, scary amount. She asked me a question, I can't remember what it is, I tell her I love her. We discuss the age difference (10 years) - well I say discuss, we're not sitting down and talking, its actually two drunks basically rabbling about it, neither of us actually caring.
So we get towards the end of the path and we hit the field. She decides she's going no further, she's going to sleep here. So I lie down next to her, telling her she needs to keep walking cos I can't carry her. She'd put her phone in my pocket earlier for safe keeping, so I pull it out to ring her mum. She grabs the phone, jumps on top of me, holds me down, and kisses me. It's obvious what's gonna happen. But a lot has happened tonight. I say no (and are then interrupted by a dog walker
) but we hold each other for what felt like forever. We carry on walking, get to the end of the field, and basically she tells me that I need to sleep as I have work tomorrow, so finally she rings her mum. At this point I go off to a safe invisible distance as her mum will not be happy about me (obvious to me that theres serious dysfunction here). She goes.
What is really confusing me, is... basically what the heck just happened? I mean don't get me wrong I know she loves me, and it's literally the fact she's not 18 til very early next year. (judge not lest ye be judged - I'm British), but why would she do that? It seems so so clear to me just how vulnerable she is. Last night, I've never forgiven so much thats happened between us as I did then. She's so self-aware, she knows about her issues, she even called herself psychotic at one point.
I'm gonna be honest with you guys, I do love her, she has a bf, when i went to help her I had no intention of either kissing her or anything else. I was the first person she rang, I'm quite worried about her right now, anyway my questions.
1. Why would she hop on top of me like that?
2. Why would she ring me first?
3. Has anyone else dealt with a BPD that's suffered rape?
4. DId I do the right thing in helping her?
I'm sorry this is a jumble. I wrote this in staying because I'm (insanely) in it for the long haul.
