Anyone else with pwBPD who also has Avoidant Personality Disorder?

[Depression = 72% of members]

She seems to have a whole hodgepodge of PDs. So confusing because it is hard to pinpoint what is going on with them. I feel like giving up because I could take a lot of "craziness", but not so much an inward Quiet BPD (waif). It is so hard to understand why she won't fess up to her feelings and thoughts.

Has anyone else had this experience?

[shellbent]

She seems to have a whole hodgepodge of PDs. So confusing because it is hard to pinpoint what is going on with them. I feel like giving up because I could take a lot of "craziness", but not so much an inward Quiet BPD (waif). It is so hard to understand why she won't fess up to her feelings and thoughts.

Has anyone else had this experience?

[Waifed]

Yep. It's especially hard because they seem so fragile and dependent on you. It doesn't seem like they would ever do anything to hurt you all the while betraying and subtly abusing you. I spent 3 years knowing I needed to get out but felt like I needed to take care of her because she was so naive and fragile. Eventually the devil came out in her and I realized she wasn't who she portrayed to me.

[shellbent]

Yep. It's especially hard because they seem so fragile and dependent on you. It doesn't seem like they would ever do anything to hurt you all the while betraying and subtly abusing you. I spent 3 years knowing I needed to get out but felt like I needed to take care of her because she was so naive and fragile. Eventually the devil came out in her and I realized she wasn't who she portrayed to me.

I feel for you. I started trusting her so easily because she told me about being hurt so many times. She didn't have many relationships in her life but she has always been in once since she was 18. Mine wanted to be so independent that she would rarely ever accept my help. She was pretty emotionally dependent and always wanted to be around me. I saw something dark inside her but it was never aimed at me.

She actually was like a misunderstood child.

What was it that you saw in her that freaked you out?

What was the reason that it finally ended?

For a while I was thinking about leaving her actually, it is so strange, I think at the end though I realized I just wanted us to work on things to make the rs better. After she left I tried everything to get back with her, but it only made her more avoidant and distant.

I still think she didn't ever want to hurt me, she is just incapable of seeing past her fears and insecurities. She even said she doesn't think that she is the girl that I painted in my head of who I want to be with... .

[Lilac0704]

Yes. It is so tough, isn't it?  My husband has been formally diagnosed with AVPD, but there are so many overlaps with other PDs. The avoidance/silence/defensiveness... .it is all so confusing and crazymaking. The last straw came just last night when he told me he realized he has very little or no empathy. That for me confirmed my decision to divorce. I am still shocked and yet it makes so much sense.

[Waifed]

Yep. It's especially hard because they seem so fragile and dependent on you. It doesn't seem like they would ever do anything to hurt you all the while betraying and subtly abusing you. I spent 3 years knowing I needed to get out but felt like I needed to take care of her because she was so naive and fragile. Eventually the devil came out in her and I realized she wasn't who she portrayed to me.

I feel for you. I started trusting her so easily because she told me about being hurt so many times. She didn't have many relationships in her life but she has always been in once since she was 18. Mine wanted to be so independent that she would rarely ever accept my help. She was pretty emotionally dependent and always wanted to be around me. I saw something dark inside her but it was never aimed at me.

She actually was like a misunderstood child.

What was it that you saw in her that freaked you out?

What was the reason that it finally ended?

For a while I was thinking about leaving her actually, it is so strange, I think at the end though I realized I just wanted us to work on things to make the rs better. After she left I tried everything to get back with her, but it only made her more avoidant and distant.

I still think she didn't ever want to hurt me, she is just incapable of seeing past her fears and insecurities. She even said she doesn't think that she is the girl that I painted in my head of who I want to be with... .

The push/pull was almost daily. It was subtle but always there. She would get upset about things that were minor or never actually happened. I worked with her and she was very shy and rarely discussed her personal life with anyone at work (or me really). She had no friends at work.  She rarely wanted to go out to public situations yet she would hang out with her (only) trashy friend. She was passive aggressive and a master of triangulation, compartmentalization, and very secretive. I didn't understand this at the time and thought she was just a little immature and that I was worrying too much about nothing. It became pretty apparent towards the end of the relationship that she was doing all the bad things I kept suppressing in my mind. I began to look into her actions and it confirmed my fears. The person I thought could not live without me was not who I thought she was.

I realize now that she was just doing the best she could to get through her daily life. It's really sad and I wish she wanted to work on herself but that's unfortunately not something she thinks she needs. It's hard to believe that a person can show so little respect for another person by lying, cheating and using but it's the only way they know how to get through life. I don't fault her anymore but I do realize that it is best to stay away from her and let her live her life as she chooses. She must save herself.

[Waifed]

She seems to have a whole hodgepodge of PDs. So confusing because it is hard to pinpoint what is going on with them. I feel like giving up because I could take a lot of "craziness", but not so much an inward Quiet BPD (waif). It is so hard to understand why she won't fess up to her feelings and thoughts.

Has anyone else had this experience?

Look up Millon's subtype Discouraged Borderline. It will probably sound familiar.

[shellbent]

She seems to have a whole hodgepodge of PDs. So confusing because it is hard to pinpoint what is going on with them. I feel like giving up because I could take a lot of "craziness", but not so much an inward Quiet BPD (waif). It is so hard to understand why she won't fess up to her feelings and thoughts.

Has anyone else had this experience?

Look up Millon's subtype Discouraged Borderline. It will probably sound familiar.

Wow thank you I found an article and this seem like the best description of her.

www.optimumperformanceinstitute.com/BPD-program/discouraged-borderline-personality-disorder/

[whatathing]

She seems to have a whole hodgepodge of PDs. So confusing because it is hard to pinpoint what is going on with them. I feel like giving up because I could take a lot of "craziness", but not so much an inward Quiet BPD (waif). It is so hard to understand why she won't fess up to her feelings and thoughts.

Has anyone else had this experience?

Look up Millon's subtype Discouraged Borderline. It will probably sound familiar.

Thanks, this is very useful and also related to my uBPDexgf, whom I think is the waif type, also. With some hermitt traits that resonate with this Discouraged subtype, also.

[AG]

See this is where it gets confusing for me the dual diagnosis. I thought I was the only one to tell u the truth that had an ex with dual diagnosis. She had both BPD and then later diagnosed with dependant personality disorder. Are these all subsidories of BPD or are they theyre own entity seperate from BPD because when i read on them they pretty much have the same attributes as BPD. These dual diagnosis are where it gets tricky for me.

[shellbent]

See this is where it gets confusing for me the dual diagnosis. I thought I was the only one to tell u the truth that had an ex with dual diagnosis. She had both BPD and then later diagnosed with dependant personality disorder. Are these all subsidories of BPD or are they theyre own entity seperate from BPD because when i read on them they pretty much have the same attributes as BPD. These dual diagnosis are where it gets tricky for me.

Well my ex is undiagnosed and it gets so confusing whenever I read about the different types it seems like she is Quiet BPD with Avoidant PD, but all the other ones have a lot of traits that seems to be true about her also. (the only thing that isn't was she never yelled/screamed raged outwards, never said anything bad to me, never) At the very beginning before I realized BPD is most likely what she has I was thinking she was only a Narcissist with no empathy, a mirroring emotional vampire.

[rodman8]

This type is so undercharted.  You hear all the time about the raging, attention seeking, crazy borderline.  I think the waif type is the hardest to deal with, because they are so hard to read.  My ex was not mean spirited, but would cut me out of her life without any notice.  When she would come back in my life, she always apologized and told me I did nothing wrong, blah, blah, blah.  Unfortunately, she was also stunning to look at, which adds to the attraction and magnetism.  It culminated with her borrowing $3,000 from me and then blocking me out of her life a couple months later when i began to grow impatient with her not paying me back... .and not responding to my messages.  Btw, was Danielle her name?    She sounds so similar to mine.